WWE Spring Break in Cancun
by OnthaEdge487
Summary: *CHAP 10 UP!* Co-written by live4thaXtreme! This is our sad attempt at humor. Spring Break is all about fun, & usually doing stupid things. Why shouldn't this rule apply to the WWE superstars? It has Team Xtreme, E&C, Y2J, Rocky, Trish & more! PLEAZ R&R!
1. Vacation's All I Evvvvvvvvver Wanted!

WWE spring break in Cancun  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Vacation's All I EVVVVER Wanted  
  
Disclaimer- We don't own any of the superstars and we're not making any frickin money. Damn.  
  
Author's note- In this story Matt Hardy and Lita are not an item, but Lita might just have feelings for him, but we'll see how that works out. Oh and Team Xtreme is still together, and all is well, GOT IT?! Good . . .  
  
Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy and Lita are looking for a spot on the beach in Cancun, Mexico to put their stuff down.  
  
"Oh, oh over here! By this big ass rock!" Jeff yelled, running over to a sandy spot next to a large rock, jumping up and down.  
  
"Fine whatever Jeff, just calm down before you have another accident." Matt smirked.  
  
"Did you have to remind me of that fricking fiasco?" Lita asked as she and Matt walked over to where Jeff stood, shaking their heads in disgust.  
  
"Last one in the water is a 2-cent whoe." Jeff shouted, running into the water.  
  
"Hey stop making fun of Steph, she's not even here dumbass. Matt scolded, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
"Hey! Jeff's not a dumbass . . . at least not all the time." Lita pointed out, setting the beach blanket down. She and Matt then began to set up the umbrella, and with much difficulty finally got it wedged into the sand. "Damn umbrella." Lita mumbled.  
  
"Brrrrrrrr . . . it was chilly in the water. I'm as blue as my hair." Jeff shivered as he proceeded to shake the water off himself like a dog, sending water droplets everywhere.  
  
"Jeff your hair isn't even blue right now, it's-" Matt started, but was cut off as a figure approached the trio.  
  
"Oh not you jabronies! The Rock, the Great One, came to Cancun to have a vacation and to get away from everyone, and the Rock means EVERYONE!"  
  
"Rock, if you didn't want to see us then why the hell did you come up to us?" Matt asked, in a dull voice. Not really caring for an answer, Matt proceeded to put suntan lotion on, and tried to coax Jeff to do the same.  
  
"The Rock wanted to know if Lita wanted some of the Rock's strudel?" Rock asked suggestively wiggling his eyebrows, and adjusting his pants and swaying his hips as seen on TV.  
  
"Um . . . ah . . . no thanks Rock." Lita mumbled, in sheer disgust.  
  
"Oh, the Rock gets it. You like pie! Because no one, and the Rock means NO ONE ever says no the People's Strudel!"  
  
"Ewwwww . . . hell no! This conversation is getting way too gross for me I'm gonna sunbathe." Lita said as she put on her head phones and a pair of shades and proceeded to stretch out on the beach blanket.  
  
"Ah, Rock what's strudel?" Jeff asked nervously. Matt rolled his eyes, he knew what was coming.  
  
"What did you just say jabroni?" The Rock asked, tilting his head sideways, and moving his sunglasses to the brim of his nose so he could get a better look at Jeff.  
  
"I asked you what strudel is."  
  
"Matt, why don't you take over from here. The Great One does not need to waste his time trying to explain the concept of strudel to a jabroni that's this dense." The Rock said, exasperated.  
  
"Gee, thanks Rock . . . and he ain't dense, he's different! Okay right, um.strudel is a kind of pastry (usually) for woman, unless your Billy and Chuck."  
  
"Ohhhhhhh, are you sure?" Jeff asked in a childish voice.  
  
"I just said so . . ."  
  
All of a sudden Stephanie McMahon runs up to them.  
  
"Oh HI GUYS! Funny to see you here."  
  
"Make it stop! The noise, the humanity! OWWWW!" Lita screamed covering her ears. She pulled the headphones from her head and got up quickly joining the group. "Damn it, I was in the middle of a ram- cycle and I heard the most God awful noise . . . oh hi Steph." Lita said, realizing now what or should we say 'who' had been the cause of the noise. "Could you please get those things away from me?" She asked, glancing down.  
  
"Oh sorry I didn't even know they were sticking out that far." Stephanie said tucking them back in and then turning her attention back to the Rock and Hardyz.  
  
"Shhhh . . . don't speak." The Rock said, covering Steph's mouth with his hand. "Great more jabronies dead ahead." At that time, Y2J, Hurricane, Big Show Austin, Trish, Torrie, Molly, Stacy, Jazz, Edge and Christian were all walking up to them from different directions.  
  
"Golly isn't it funny that we all came to the same place for Spring Break!" Molly exclaimed, looking around at everyone.  
  
"I'm a Living Legend and I have to spend my vacation with you assclowns! Y2J whined, eyeing the Rock and Stephanie. "I will nevvvvvver, evvvvvvvvver, come here again!!"  
  
"Oh quit your bitching Jericho! You think I'm thrilled that you're here?" Stephanie admonished with an icy glare. Jericho wasn't hesitant to return it, and out broke an old fashioned stare down.  
  
"I don't care what any of you guys say; this vacation is SO totally going to reek of awesomeness!" Edge exclaimed, high-fiveing Christian, and then they proceeded to do a 5 second pose.  
  
"Let the Era of Awesomeness begin!" Christian yelled as they high- fived yet again.  
  
"HA, YOU BLINKED! I WIN JERKY!" Stephanie screeched, as everyone dug their fingers into their ears for fear of loosing their hearing altogether. "So, Matt, Spring Break is all about fun, so I was thinking why don't we go back to my hotel room and have some fun?" She asked suggestively, tugging on Matt's arm.  
  
Matt gulped nervously. "Um, ah, well- you see, no. I'd be too afraid that your boobs would suffocate me." He answered as Lita looked on glaring daggers at Stephanie.  
  
"Fine. What about you Jeff, do you want to go back to my room with me?" Stephanie asked, kneeling down near Jeff who was attempting to build a sand castle.  
  
"Damn this freaking sand!" Jeff yelled, accidentally throwing a handful of sand at Steph in frustration. "Hehe, sorry. Oh, um, that sounds kinda boring Steph. What would we do? Will there be sand?" Jeff asked looking confused. Stephanie sputtered about, hopping up and down trying to get the sand out of her eyes.  
  
"OWWWWWWW! GET IT OUT, I CAN'T SEE!" She screamed, and finally by some miracle the sand came out of her eyes.  
  
"So will there be SAND?" Jeff asked again, growing rather impenitent. He wanted to get back to building his castle before someone stole all the good sand.  
  
"Oh right, come and you'll find out. Oh, and no, there won't be sand involved, just you, and me, and-" Steph whispered seductively, pulling him up from the ground. She flashed a devilish smile at him when he looked like he was actually thinking about it.  
  
"That doesn't sound like much fun, I think I'm gonna stay here and build sand castles. Anybody wanna help?" Seconds later, Hurricane runs over and he and Jeff attempt to build a castle.  
  
"Stand back citizen Hardy! I will build the perfect sand castle with my Hurri- powers!"  
  
"Hey Steph, I'll go with you! How much?" Big Show asked hopefully, coming over to her. Stephanie looked at him like he had ten heads, and turned around attempting to ignore the question.  
  
"Oh, don't worry Stephanie's services are very affordable, isn't that right Steph? She's a filthy, dirty, disgusting, skanky, brutal, bottom feeding, trash bag, 2 cent hoe, or did it get lowered to one?" Jericho smirked. He then turned his attention to Steph who had a disgusted look on her face.  
  
"Shut up Jericho! Must you always talk shit about me?" Jericho simply nodded devilishly.  
  
"Oh, I have 2 cents, I have 2 cents!! Finally the big man is gonna get lucky!!" Big Show squealed, pulling 2 cents out of his pocket and practically throwing it at Steph.  
  
"But I . . . noooooooooooo!! I'm gonna kill you Jericho!" Stephanie screeched as Big Show picked her up, put her over his shoulder and headed for the hotel.  
  
"Face it, you will nevvver evvvvvvvver be the same again! If you come back that is!" Y2J called after her retreating figure, and then fell onto the ground and laughing hysterically.  
  
Authors' Note- We hope this was somewhat entertaining, and there's much more to come. Hopefully the next chapter will be funnier. Please read and review! Keep in mind this is only our first fic so be nice! 


	2. Beach Blues

WWE spring Break in Cancun  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Beach Blues  
  
Day 1 (continued)  
  
  
  
Disclaimer- We don't own shit okay? Get the picture? It's a work in progress, so please r& r!  
  
"Well, that was um, interesting." Matt stated, blinking. Matt then turned his attention to Jericho who was still on the ground laughing hysterically, shook his head.  
  
"No, Matt, that was just plain gross! EW, the things, I mean things that Stephanie is willing to do." Trish squealed, extremely grossed out. Everyone nodded in agreement.  
  
"Well do you know what I think about the-" Kurt Angle piped up. He had seen what had had happened to Steph, and decided join his coworkers little group to voice his opinion on the matter.  
  
"The Rock says it doesn't matter what you think!"  
  
"Well I don't care-" Kurt began, but was interrupted yet again.  
  
"Where did you come from Kurt? What the hell? Are you wearing a thong? Lita asked, her face suddenly becoming a very pale shade of white. She honestly looked as if she was going to throw up.  
  
"WHAT?!" Austin asked in shock, glancing down at Angle, and then looking back up at him, eyes wide. "Jackass!" He yelled with disgust and promptly gave Angle the finger and walked away sipping a beer. "ANYONE GOT A F'N BEER? WHAT?!"  
  
"Um, ah, well, what's wrong with thongs? I find them quite nice, I mean, I . . . I get more air 'round my um, privates." Kurt said in a near whisper. This in turn grosses everyone out within a five mile radius and they all quickly scatter away from him.  
  
"Wait a minute! You son of a bitch! THAT'S MY THONG YOU'RE WEARING!"  
  
"Uh oh." Kurt whimpered as the angry red head advanced on him. Much to his dislike, Lita bitch slapped him with a great force leaving a large, bright red mark across his face. Angle who doesn't want any part of the Xtreme diva runs off in a flash. Of course this only angers Lita more, as she bolts up the beach after the crying Olympic gold medalist.  
  
"Ewww, Kurt is like SO totally reeking of geekiness! His bald head is totally reflecting sunlight!" Edge laughed as his signature grin spread across his face.  
  
"I know what a reekazoid! Oh Edge look at those full on scorch cakes over there!" Christian exclaimed, pointing to where most of the divas were sunbathing.  
  
"Dude, what's up with that um, person with them? Its vacation, you're supposed to be happy! Come on let's go try to cheer um, it, up. Edge suggested, looking over at Jazz. The duo proceeded to cautiously walk over to, um IT.  
  
"What the hell do you want?" Jazz asked in a gruff voice, looking incredibly peeved. The men gulped as Jazz glared up at them.  
  
Christian leaned over and whispered into Edge's ear, "I'm scared of IT, I don't want to cheer IT up any more!"  
  
Edge simply ignored his little brother and attempted to make conversation with the 'diva'. "Um, well we thought you looked kinda down so, we thought we would cheer you up." Edge forced a smile, and continued to ignore Christian who was near crying.  
  
"Oh, you wanna cheer me up huh? Well here's what you can do to cheer me up!" Jazz yelled. In one swift movement she grabbed Christian gave him a hard low blow. She then attempted to do the same to Edge but he had already started to drag an injured Christian away.  
  
"Hellllllllllllllooooo ladies!!!" Val Venis greeted, as he came up to them  
  
soaking wet, with a towel wrapped around his waste.  
  
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!" Torrie screamed, covering her eyes.  
  
Stacy attempted to stick her head in sand the Ostrich on Animal Planet had done. She'd accidentally watched it; she had thought it was the new show for WWE, Afterburn when she saw monkey's rolling around hurting each other. New recruits she figured. "Damn this sand! I think I'm going blind!! Help!" Stacy exclaimed, as she struggled to squeeze her head in between the sand.  
  
"I already did! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!" Trish screamed as if in pain.  
  
"Gee whiz no one should be subjected to this kind of torture! Somebody make it stop, please!" Molly begged, snapping her eyes shut tightly.  
  
"Quick girls, let's hide behind that huge rock! I can't take another second of it!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lita screamed, running off to hide behind the huge rock, the other divas not too far behind her.  
  
"What? Where did all the ladies go?" Val Venis asked, looking around completely baffled.  
  
"Um, Val, frankly, NOBODY, including the ladies wanna see you in a freaking towel! It's just gross!" Matt informed him, as Val's face became crestfallen and he slumped his shoulders.  
  
"Well, I was just swimming so; I mean I need a towel!" Val explained, as Matt checked his watch looking bored.  
  
"Matt would look so hot in just a towel!" Stacy yelled from behind the rock.  
  
"Oh HELL YEAH!!" Torrie called, in total agreement.  
  
"MATT'S SO SEXY!" Trish shouted, licking her lips.  
  
"TAKE IT OFF MATT, TAKE IT ALL OFF!" Molly roared, waving a 100 dollar bill in the air.  
  
"Matt's stripping?" Billy and Chuck asked simultaneously, popping out of nowhere. "Can anyone break a $100?" They asked, getting excited and also waving a hundred dollar bill in the air. A look of sheer terror flashed across Matt's face.  
  
"WHAT!?! OH HELL NO! NO STRIPPING! SOMBODY GET ME A BEER, AND GET THESE SON BITCHES OUTTA HERE! WHAT?" Austin bellowed, giving Billy and Chucky the finger then leaving in search for more beer.  
  
"I'm right here hear you know! I can freaking hear you, I'm not deaf! And no I'm not stripping! No one's putting any, and I mean any money down my pants."  
  
"AW, DAMN! Come on let's go find Rico! He always thinks of a way to make us feel better!" Billy said, and they walked away hand in hand down the beach into the sun set. (A/N- Onthaedge487-Where the f*ck did that come from? LoL, we have sick minds people, sick minds.)  
  
Behind the rock, Lita bitch slaps all four girls, which knocks out both Torrie and Stacy. "Don't you dare talk about Matt like that; he'll be mine soon enough! Oh, and Molly I thought you were supposed to be pure and wholesome! Pure and wholesome my ass!" Lita grumbled, looking down at all the girls who were on the ground in pain. She stomped off, passing Edge and Christian, nearly knocking Edge down.  
  
"Whoa, someone's SO totally PMSing today!" Edge said after seeing what Lita had done to all the divas.  
  
"AHHHH" Christian moaned loudly, still lying on the ground holding his crotch, not being able to speak.  
  
"Matt, Matt! Come and look at the sand castle Hurricane and I made!" Jeff exclaimed bounced up and down in excitement. Matt followed as his brother led him to a sandy spot on the beach. Jeff looked down proudly, then back up at Matt expectantly.  
  
"Wow, Jeff, it's um."  
  
"Absolutely beautiful!" Hurricane chimed in, puffing chest out with pride. Matt gave him a sideways glance then looked back down at the 'sandcastle'.  
  
"It took us forever to build, and we worked real hard on it!" Jeff beamed, down at the pile of sand which he and Hurricane called a sand castle.  
  
"What in the blue hell is that?" Asked The Rock, looking down at the 'sand castle'.  
  
"It's our sand castle! It's the greatest one I've ever seen if I don't say so myself! Hey, um I'm hungry! I want Skittles!" Jeff said, rubbing his rumbling tummy.  
  
"Here Jeff, I got your Skittles right here, and don't eat them too fast like last time." Matt reprimanded handing Jeff a king-size bag of Skittles as he jumped up and down in pure delight.  
  
"I won't, I promise!" Jeff promised, grabbing the Skittles and eating the entire bag in one gulp. "Cough, cough, gag, gag!"  
  
"Damnit Jeff! Are you okay? You don't look so good. You're changing colors faster than you change your hair color!" Matt exclaimed, with concern evident in his voice, as he looked at Jeff with who was now hunched over, turning from color to color.  
  
"Matty! I iz not feeling so good! I think I iz gonna." Jeff chokes out, then proceeds to puke all over The Rock and Y2J, who at the time was STILL on the ground laughing hysterically.  
  
A/N- Good? Bad? What can we do to improve? Oh, and if you want to see any of the superstars doing anything then, just write it in your review *hint hint*, and we'll try to fit it in somewhere. So, um, read & review & you'll get more, & it might even be funny this time!  
  
A/N 2- This has been rewritten & re-uploaded for an easier and a better read. Enjoy! 


	3. Sun burnt Slutts and Steph's Suffering

WWE Spring Break in Cancun  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Sun burnt Slutts and Steph's Suffering  
  
Day 1 (wrap up) & Day 2  
  
By- onthaedge487 & live4thaxtreme  
  
Disclaimer- We don't own anyone in this freaking story cause we're broke as hell.  
  
"WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL?! AHHHH! GET THAT RAINBOW HAIRED, SKITTLE EATING JABRONI AWAY FROM THE ROCK! THE PEOPLE'S BATHING SUIT! IT'S RUINED! THE ROCK IS GONNA KICK YOUR CANDY ASS!" Rock shrieked, looking down at the fresh vomit on his bathing suit. He grabbed Jeff by the neck, seemingly about to strangle him.  
  
"Ah, don't kill him Rock, cause if you kill Jeff my dad'll kill me. Plus, who will I tag team with?" Matt asked smiling as he pulled the Rock off the now purple Jeff.  
  
"No Rock, don't kill him. I'll take a crack at it, since I'm a LIVING LEGEND, AND I DON'T APPRECIATE AN ASSCLOWN LIKE HIM THROWING UP ALL OVER ME! SAY YOUR PRAYERS JUNIOR!" Jericho roared, getting up from his position on the ground. He grabbed an ill Jeff by the legs, and flipped him over, putting Jeff into his very painful submission maneuver, the Walls of Jericho.  
  
"Damn, if his legs break I'm gonna be in big trouble with Vince, and in even bigger trouble with dad!" Matt mumbled nervously. He then without hesitation, pulled Jericho off Jeff then quickly grabbed him him off the beach.  
  
For the rest of the day, everyone did their own thing. Edge and Christian scanned the beach for "scorch cakes" to pick up, or at least they tried. Austin spent the night in a local bar, getting drunk, what else? He spent every penny he had and got completely hammered. Hurricane spent the day jumping off very high rocks so he could learn how to fly, but failed and (to everyone's surprise) only suffered several sprains, a few broken fingers, and a concussion. The divas (minus Lita) spent the entire day in the sun, but forgot one important item.  
  
SUNSCREEN! The divas are now suffering from terrible sunburn, so bad that they can hardly move, and look like dried up tomatoes.  
  
Well, if you're wondering about Stephanie, she still hasn't returned from her 'party' with Big Show. Although there was an extremely high pitched shriek coming from Big Show's hotel room that could be heard for at least a mile. Lita, who still hadn't forgiven Kurt for taking her, thong, decided to give him a little payback. She went to his hotel room and stole all his thongs, and then burned them on the beach. When Kurt found out he had a fit and went back to his room in tears. The Rock and Y2J, both went back to their rooms to clean up, swearing they were going to kick Jeff's ass. Finally, Matt had reached the hotel room just in time for Jeff to once again puke.  
  
"Damn, Jeff you're puking again? How much can one person puke? That's like the 7th time! Oh, no not on the rug Jeff! Damnit! I'm not paying for that!" Matt mumbled, catching a glimpse of Jeff vomiting all over the very expensive carpet.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to . . ." Jeff managed to choke out before he could finish he leaned over and hurled in a nearby plant. Matt then cautiously led Jeff to the bathroom in total disgust.  
  
*The next morning *  
  
Stephanie woke up with a giant arm across her stomach. She looked around the hotel room, completely unaware of where she was.  
  
"What the hell?" Stephanie whispered, trying to move the giant arm off of her. She looked over to see who the arm belonged to and nearly screamed. "Oh my god! I though it was just a terrible, horrible nightmare! It really happened! I actually slept with that smelly giant!" She whispered, and finally was able to pull the sleeping Big Show's arm off her.  
  
"Snore, grumble, snore, grumble, drool." Big Show grumbled, in a deep sleep.  
  
"Oh no. Where the hell is my designer jacket? I have to find it! It cost like $700!" Stephanie screeched, and scanned the room. She noticed the sleeve sticking out from under Big Show. "Shit. I'll never be able to get it from under that ton of lard!" Stephanie exclaimed, then proceeded to try as hard as she could to get her jacket from under the Big Show. She pulled and pulled yet it was totally hopeless. Just as she was about to give it one last pull, the sleeping Big Show let *ahem* a huge bomb drop. The stench filled the room, nearly knocking the unexpecting Stephanie over. She quickly ran out of the room as fast as she could.  
  
*In the hallway*  
  
"What the hell is that smell?! Oh my god it's terrible!" Y2J said, making a face and covering his nose. Just then a faint Stephanie, completely oblivious to where she was, ran into him.  
  
"Hey, watch where you're . . ." She warned, trailing off weakly. Stephanie pulled herself up from the floor with absolutely no help Jericho.  
  
"Oh, that answers my question; you're the person giving off that awful, disgusting smell!" Jericho smirked.  
  
"Shut up Jericho! I have had the worst night EVER! It's your entire fault! Stephanie shrieked, as tears welled up in her eyes. Jericho rolled his eyes at the pitiful site before him.  
  
"Oh really Princess? I'm sure you didn't disappoint a paying costumer! Tell the LIVING LEGEND CHRIS JERICHO what happened. I've been dyeing to know." Y2J prodded with that same impish smirk showcased on his face.  
  
"Why should I tell you? You won't give me any sympathy! Oh, and I'm just lucky to be alive! He could have crushed me! Or, I could have died from lack of oxygen from the horrible smell of his fucking fart!" Stephanie snapped, as tears flooded down her cheeks. She desperately tried to wipe them from her face; she didn't want her mascara to run, not like this day could get any worse. Maybe she just didn't want Jericho to see her cry, but that sure wasn't working, as more tears poured out of her eyes.  
  
"EW! HE FARTED? That's gross! I'm surprised you're alive! Plus, you could've always suffocated him with your humungous boobs! Jericho exclaimed, with surprise. He almost (almost being the key word) felt sorry for Steph. He shook any thoughts of actually feeling sympathy towards her out of his head.  
  
"That's it, I need to go to the bar and get myself so drunk I won't remember this AWEFUL incident." Stephanie said, as she turned to walk down the foul smelling hall.  
  
"There's a bar here?" Y2J asked, with a totally clueless expression.  
  
He then shrugged and bolted down the hall after her.  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
Kurt sat in his room sulking. His thongs were gone, all gone. All thanks to the evil Lita. He wiped the tears from his eyes and started to devise a plan as to how he'd make her pay.  
  
"Oh, she'll pay! It's true, it's true! No one embarrasses the OLYMPIC HERO KURT ANGLE like that and gets away with it! OHH, IT'S TRUE, IT'S DAMN TRUE! My thongs! I still can't believe she took ALL my thongs! I look SO much better in a thong than she does!" Angle whined as he sullenly looked at his empty thong draw. Looking at the draw apparently began to bring back some old memories, and soon our Olympic Hero was hyper ventilating, and shaking wildly. "Breathe in breathe out, breathe in breathe out. I better stop at the store; I'm going to need a lot of milk for this." Angle said, then grabbed a paper bag and breathed into it to calm himself. A dorky smile soon spread on his face.  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
Five very red and unhappy divas were lounging by the pool area all covered up in robes. They were extremely embarrassed of their sun burns and couldn't move very much.  
  
"Ow! This hurts so much! I'm as red as a lobster!" Stacy whined, as she attempted to move from her lying position in her beach chair.  
  
"I know, we look disgusting!" Torrie agreed, with an apparent look of disgust on her face.  
  
"Good golly, I can't even move! It hurts way too much!" Molly added, a pained look on her face.  
  
"Grrrrrr. I can't believe this. It's your entire fault! Now would you all quit complaining and suck it up!" Jazz growled, pointing a menacing finger at the other divas. They all seemed a bit frightened by Jazz's presence.  
  
"It's not our fault! We didn't ask to be blonde! Oh, these robes are so warm! I'm dying out here!" Trish moaned, shifting uncomfortably.  
  
"I don't care how bad I look; I'm going to remove the robe. It's just too hot out." Stacy declared. She then proceeded to try as hard as she could to get her arm out of her sleeve, and only to cry out in pain.  
  
"I wouldn't do that if I were you Stacy!" Torrie warned, shaking her head.  
  
"Hey, look, it's RVD! Maybe he can help you take off your robe, because none of us can. HEY ROB! OVER HERE!" Trish yelled, waving him over frantically, which in turn caused her much pain.  
  
"Um, what are you? I mean who are you?" RVD asked, looking at the divas like they were aliens.  
  
"Gee whiz RVD, it's us, Molly, Trish, Torrie, Stacy, and um, Jazz. Don't you recognize us?" Molly replied, giving him a questioning look.  
  
"ARE YOU SERIOUS? DAMN, YOU GOTTA BE JOKING! YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE GAINT TOMATOES! I MAY BE HIGH, BUT YOU STILL CAN'T PULL THE WOOL OVER MY EYES! RVD yelled, his blood shot eyes practically popping out of his head.  
  
"Look Rob, it's really us. We had an incident, and forgot to use sun block and this is what happened." Trish informed, pointing to her bright red face. "We need your help. We can't move much and Stacy wants to take off her robe because she's extremely warm. That's where you come in."  
  
"Oookay, but it's not contagious, is it?" Rob asked, taking a few cautious steps back.  
  
"GEE WHIZ, IT'S JUST A SUN BURN! GET OVER IT! NOW HELP STACY BEFORE SHE POPS A BLOOD VESSEL TRYING TO GET THAT F*CKING ROBE OFF!" Molly yelled, getting extremely frustrated with the whole situation. She then passed out in shock over the fact that she had raised her voice in anger, and committed one of the deadliest sins . . . she swore.  
  
"Whatever. That's cool, I think." RVD said, loosing his cool, calm and collected demeanor. He hesitantly began to help Stacy take off her robe. Underneath reveled a bright (can't stress that enough) red Stacy in a bikini bathing suit.  
  
"OW! Wow that hurt! Thanks Rob, I feel so much better! I felt like I was in an oven when I was wearing that." Stacy exclaimed, pointing to the robe, not noticing RVD had run away screaming when he had seen what she had looked like after the robe had disposed of. "RVD, do you mind putting some lotion on me? RVD? RVD? Where did he go?" She asked, turning her sore neck ever so slightly.  
  
"He took one look at what was under that robe, he ran away screaming for his momma! Do me a favor and put that robe back on!" Jazz advised harshly.  
  
A/N- Sorry this chap was so bleh! We tried to include as many people as we possibly could which amounted to a kinda boring chap. Hopefully the next chap will be more enjoyable, so bare with us, we're trying! PLEASE READ & REVIEW! We'll give you cookies if you do! Chocolate chip cookies . . . yum, yum! 


	4. Angle's Audacious Plan & the Bangin' Bar

WWE Spring Break in Cancun  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Angle's Audacious Plan & the Bangin' Bar  
  
Day 2 (still)  
  
By- onthaedge487 & live4thaxtreme  
  
Disclaimer- U know the drill.  
  
At the local grocery store, Angle roamed the dairy aisle searching for the best nutrient filled milk.  
  
"DARN IT, WHERE THE FRIGDE IS THE MILK?" Kurt yelled, desperately spinning in circles. He stumbled around, until he pointed into someone. "Oooo, look at all the purdy duckies!" Angle exclaimed looking up at the 'duckies' which had resulted from spinning too fast, just as the employee cleared his throat.  
  
"Um . . . sir the milk is right in front of you." The employee said, pointing directly in front of Angle.  
  
"Oh, I knew that darn it." Kurt blushed, as he hastily puts as many cartons of milk as his carriage would hold.  
  
"Damn, I guess you like milk, but you know they cost 10 bucks a carton . . . right?" The employee asked, smirking at the now fuming 'Olympic Hero'.  
  
"I'M AN OLYMPIC HERO AND I SHOULDN'T PAY THAT MUCH MONEY FOR A CARTON OF JOY, I MIGHT AS WELL GO BACK HOME AND MILK MY COW! THEY SHOULD PAY ME TO BUY THEIR MILK!" Angle shouted, angrily taking his carriage to the check-out counter.  
  
"That's one f*cked up bald-headed freak." The employee mused, shaking his head. At the check-out counter, Angle waited impatiently as there was 26 people in front of him.  
  
"Hey, are you Kurt Angle?" Some random child asked with a gleam of hope in his eye.  
  
"Why of course, it's true it's true." Angle answered as he puffed out his chest with pride.  
  
"Do you know The Rock, Hogan, Edge, Hardyz, people like that?" The kid asked eagerly. Kurt's face turned sour at hearing the list of names.  
  
"Who gives a darn about them? Don't you have any other questions for your Olympic hero?"  
  
"Is your head cold now that Edge shaved you bald as a melon? By the way Edge so totally reeks of awesomeness."  
  
"WHAT THE HECK KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? MY HEAD DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A FREAKING MELON! FOR YOUR INFORMATION I WOULD HAVE BEATEN EDGE 1-2-3 CAUSE HE JUST PLAIN REEKS! AND I'M NOT BALD! I HAVE REGROWN ALL OF MY HAIR!" Angle screamed, as he adjusted his wig. At this point Kurt so perturbed he was practically throwing a fit.  
  
"YOU SUCK!" The child declared loudly, and proceed to kick Kurt in the leg as hard as he possibly can.  
  
"OW! WHY YOU LITTLE! I DON'T SUCK! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!" Kurt shrieked. He was about to get his revenge on the kid when he realizes it's his turn to check out. It takes about 30 minutes for him to get all of his milk paid for and into his rental car.  
  
"That EVIL Lita WILL pay! Mwahahahahaha!" Angle cackled, on his way back to the hotel.  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
We find Austin surrounded by beer cans at the local bar. Just then two tall men walk in and sit on either side of Austin.  
  
"DAMN. That's a lot of beer." Faarooq exclaimed, eyeing the empty cans surrounding Austin.  
  
"Hey, I got an idea. How bout the three of us have a beer guzzling contest?" Bradshaw suggested as he ordered another round of beers for everyone.  
  
"Beer? What? Got beer? I said got beer?" Austin muttered, as his ears perked up at hearing the word 'beer'.  
  
"Don't worry about that, we got plenty of beer." Faarooq assured him.  
  
The men then guzzled several rounds of beer, and they became very, very drunk, and nearly passed out.  
  
"I, *hiccup* . . . won, *hiccup* . . . again! What? Hiccup . . . I said I won again! What?" Austin slurred all his words and nearly fell off his stool. Just then a very red Molly Holly walked into the bar, and took a seat next to Faarooq.  
  
"Hello, everyone, it's a pleasure seeing you here. I'm rather thirsty, but I don't drink alcohol. I never have in my entire life. What nonalcoholic drink do you suggest?" Molly asked innocently, as she looked to each very, very drunk man.  
  
"Don't worry, we'll get ya something." Bradshaw promised as he ordered another round of beers for them all "By the way, what the hell is wrong with your skin? It's so damn red!" He exclaimed, handing her a beer, which he told her was a special kind of juice.  
  
"Um, it's a really bad sun burn. Gee golly gosh, I've put so much lotion on I can move my arms a bit."  
  
"Good, then you'll be able to be in our guzzling contest. It's a contest to see who can drink the be- I mean substance the fastest." Faarooq said correcting himself in mid-sentence.  
  
"Well, that sounds like fun. Just remember, it's just a game, and it doesn't matter if you win or lose." Molly told the group, giving them an innocent look. With that they all picked up their glasses of beer, and on the count of three drank it.  
  
"Goodness gracious that was delicious! What was that exactly? Can I have some more?" Molly asked as she finished her beer in a gulp, while Austin, Farooq, & Bradshaw were only halfway done.  
  
"WHAT?" The three men asked in shock, spewing beer everywhere, and soaking the bartender who was standing in front of them at the bar.  
  
"Hey, that was a new shirt!" The bartender exclaimed brushing himself off. The disgruntled man walked a way in search of a napkin.  
  
"DAMN! Are you telling us that you finished all that beer in less than a few seconds! That means that you beat all of us!" Faarooq stated, shock apparent in his voice.  
  
"WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!" Austin yelled, his eyes bulging in alarm.  
  
"Gee golly gosh, I was thirsty. Did you nice fellas' say that I just drank beer?!" Molly asked, her voice trembling a bit.  
  
"HELL YEAH! Let's have anther round! What? I will beat you! And that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so!"  
  
"Well, I suppose so. I guess it wouldn't hurt to have just one more. Okey dokey!" Molly agreed as Bradshaw ordered another round of beers, all in pursuit to guzzle faster than Molly.  
  
Meanwhile a few seats down sat a cranky, and drunken Stephanie, and an amused Y2J. "Will you please, *hiccup*, just leave me alone!" Stephanie shrieked at Y2J who had been annoying her all day.  
  
"Ow, would you please shut the hell up?! Jericho winced from her shrieking. "Anyway, why would I want to leave you alone? You're sooooo much fun to torture! It's so much fun to watch a skanky little daddy's girl feeling sorry for herself. It's good entertainment." He said grinning devilishly.  
  
"Shut up Jericho. Bartender, gemmie another one." Steph ordered, raising her shot glass to the bartender, who slide her another drink.  
  
"Hey Jericho! Come an' join us! What? I said join us. We're guzzlin'! What? I said we're guzzlin'." Austin informed, looking over at Y2J, who sat a few seats down from them. Austin nearly fell off his stool due to the fact he was incredibly drunk.  
  
"UM, I guess so. I mean, there's NEVER any fun without the LARGER THAN LIFE LIVING LEGEND, KING OF THE WORLD, CHRIS JERICHO around, now is there?" Y2J agreed, leaving a drunken, nearly passed out Steph to join Austin, APA, and Molly Holly.  
  
"Good golly Miss Molly! Is that beer you're drinking? Have you been put up to this? Fear not, Citizen Molly, cause Hurricane's here to save the day!" Hurricane said heroically as he hobbled over on his crutch and looking at Molly in sheer shock.  
  
"Leave me alone, hiccup, I don't need any hiccup, help, I'm just fine, I like beer it hiccup, tastes good! Now go away, hiccup, I gotta beat these losers at there own hiccup game of guzzling! BUUUUUUUUUUURP!" Molly said, slurring all her words and belched right in Hurricane's face.  
  
"Nice one Molly! I think you belch louder than Austin! I didn't think ya had it in ya!" Y2J congratulated, patting her forcefully on the back.  
  
After several guzzling contests, all of them being won by Molly by the way, caused Y2J to have a fit, and go into mass hysterics. Soon they all passed out at the bar, along with a passed out Stephanie a few seats down.  
  
Meanwhile in a different part of the bar . . .  
  
"Dude, we're SO totally reeking of awesomeness tonight!" Christian exclaimed excitedly.  
  
"I know dude, just like every other night. We're like SO totally the hottest guys here!" Edge said, looking at himself in a mirror, before passing it to Christian.  
  
"Hey, why don't you guys have a friendly competition? What? I said friendly competition. Hmmm . . . let's see, oh, how bout, whoever drinks more beers in 10 minutes wins, and the loser has to pay the bill, annnnnnnnnd has to run around outside in his birthday suit. What? I said birthday suit." Stone Cold suggested, some how sobering a little, and coming over to the brothers wanting to start trouble.  
  
"Friendly competition huh? I'm in, and reeking of coolness as always. How bout you Edge? Or are you sacred your baby bro is SO totally going to kick your bootay!" Christian said, flashing Edge a smile.  
  
"I'm in, don't worry lil bro." Edge laughed, flashing Christian a smile of his own.  
  
"I'll keep the time on my trusty watch." Austin stated, holding his ear to his beloved watch. After they stocked up on beer, they were ready for their 'friendly' competition.  
  
"Ready, set, go." Austin yelled quickly. Both Edge and Christian began to chug down the beer as fast as they could, both wanting to beat the other.  
  
*10 Minutes Later*  
  
"Do you know what my watch is telling me? It's telling me time is up." Austin said his ear still to his watch. With that E&C stopped drinking and Austin counted the amount of beers each man drank. "We have a winner. What? I said we have a winner! Edge, you won, what? I said Edge won. Christian you gotta pay the bill, and unfortunately run round in ya birthday suit."  
  
"Well dude, at least it's warm out, and nice weather for a jog." Edge laughed, nearly falling to the ground.  
  
"WHAT? HOW COULD I HAVE LOST! HE MUST HAVE CHEATED! ARE YOU SURE YOU COUNTED RIGHT? YOU SO TOTALLY CHEATED EDGE! I'M TELLING GRANDMA EDNA ON YOU! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MOMMY!" Christian begins to cry and throws a tantrum in the middle of the bar, as people stare in shock.  
  
"Like dude, I so totally didn't cheat. You can be such a dorkchop sometimes. If you want I'll get the bill, and for all our sakes, keep your clothes on." Edge said getting out his wallet. He looked ashamedly at Christian who was now sucking his thumb.  
  
"Okay." Christian whispered, wiping his face. They had some more beers to calm Christian down, and they too got completely hammered and passed out.  
  
*At a different table*  
  
"Um, Matt, are you sure it was a good idea to leave Jeff all by himself in the hotel room? I mean think of the things he could damage, the people he could traumatize. He's unsupervised, that should never, EVER happen!" Lita warned. Just visualizing what the room might look like, and the fact that Jeff was possibly alone with sharp objects made her shudder.  
  
"Good point. Well he said he didn't want to come, so I didn't want to force him. Plus the Power Puff Girls were on, and you know he never misses it, no matter what." Matt replied nonchalantly.  
  
"WHAT?" Austin yelled making everyone jump in surprise as he passed by.  
  
"WHAT?" A group people in the bar began to chant, until Matt threw a shoe at them, which oddly didn't belong to him.  
  
Hurricane took it upon himself to join them. He hobbled over on one crutch, with his arm in a sling. "Stand back there's a Hurricane coming through! Fear not, good citizens, I've checked on Citizen Hardy myself, and he's doing just fine."  
  
"Really? Matt asked sarcastically. He had no intention of believing the 'super hero' but figured, why not humor him. "May I ask how exactly did you get hurt?" Matt inquired, looking at Hurricane oddly.  
  
"I, um, was testing my flying ability at the time, but I suppose I just haven't received the powers to fly yet. I have all other Hurri- powers though." Hurricane replied, feeling confident and proud.  
  
"What, may I ask are they?" Lita asked, skeptically. She thought Hurricane was full of it, but she wasn't about to say it . . . not yet.  
  
"Um, I uh, have Hurri-senses, and, um . . ."  
  
"Why'd you even bother asking?" Matt asked, his tone hopeless as he looked at Lita.  
  
"Wazupwitdat? Quit dissin' me! Don't make me use my super powers on you evil doers!"  
  
"Quick Matt, hold me back before I beat him!" Lita yelled, attempting to scramble out of her chair and take a swing at Hurricane. She to her dismay, was held back by Matt before she could get any hits in.  
  
"Bring it, Citizen Lita!" Hurricane challenged, throwing down his crutch, taking off his sling as he made a feeble attempt to stand up.  
  
"That's it bitch . . ." Lita said, as she some how got out of Matt's hold and pounced on Hurricane.  
  
"CAT FIGHT! GO LITA, GO LITA, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! Matt shouted with enthusiasm. He proceeded to do a little happy dance just for the hell of it. "I ah, mean, no don't fight, violence isn't the answer!" He exclaimed, as he watched Lita kick Hurricane's superhero ass.  
  
"HA! SUPER POWERS MY ASS, YOU HURRI-DORK!" Lita roared, raising her hands in victory.  
  
"I think she broke my other arm! OW! The paaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiinn!!!!!" Hurricane whimpered as he lay on the floor of the bar. Matt quickly scrambled over to help the fallen Hurricane.  
  
"Guys, we can be friends. As entertaining as your little fight was, it doesn't need to happen any more. So what do you guys say? Can we all get along?" Matt asked speaking slowly as if they were 2 year olds. He looked at the pair who were intently glaring at each other and sighed.  
  
"Well, I suppose, we could be friends. I have a better idea! You can be my sidekicks!" Hurricane exclaimed excitedly.  
  
"Hell no! I'm not anybody's sidekick, and I'm sure as hell not your friend!" Lita scolded, glaring at Hurricane.  
  
"Oh, come on Lita! If you cooperate, I'll give you a little surprise lata!" Matt said giving her a nudge.  
  
Excited about what her surprise might be a small smile crept across her face, as she mumbled so softly that she was barely audible. "Surprise? Well . . . okay." She began to go off into her own little world, possibly starting to drool. 'I wonder what my surprise might be! Maybe Matt and I will finally hook up?! Wow, he looks really hot . . .' Lita thought excitedly.  
  
"Pardon?" Hurricane asked, leaning in closer.  
  
"What'd you say Lita?" Matt asked curiously, as he also leaned in closer to hear her answer.  
  
"I SAID FINE! I'M IN, DAMNIT!" She yelled, her face getting a bright shade of red.  
  
"I'm scared. I mean, uh . . ." Hurricane whimpered, his lip quivering.  
  
"Ya didn't have ta yell, geez. Okay Hurricane, we're in." Matt said calmly.  
  
"Why thank you Citizen Hardy, and moody Citizen Lita. I've alwayz wanted a sidekick, and now I have two! But, um Citizen Lita, could you please work on your attitude? Superheros are supposed to be helpful and caring not cold and pardon my French, bitchy." Hurricane informed them, beaming.  
  
"Oh no you don't you son of a . . ."  
  
"Superhero. That's what you were going to say, right Lita? Come on, we betta go. I don't like the fact that Jeff is in the hotel room alone for so long." Matt said, getting Lita to her feet and heading for the exit of the bar. "Bye, Hurricane! Cya lata!" Matt called, as he shouted over his shoulder while putting a hand over Lita's mouth to prevent her from screaming profanities at Hurricane. "OW, you bit me!" Matt yelled, looking at his hand with deep bite marks in it.  
  
"Cya Hurri- Dork!" Lita yelled over her shoulder just as they reached the door.  
  
When Matt got back to his hotel room, he was extremely tired, and all he wanted to do was crash on his comfy bed, but that wasn't to be. He walked in and . . .  
  
"JEFF, WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU DO?"  
  
AN- Whew, that took 4 eva to write! Glad to get that ova with. Ah, the dreaded cliffhanger. We know what Jeff did, & you're gonna think its stupid, but we (live4thaxtreme- What do you mean we?) really wanted to put it in there. Oh, & if you want a certain superstar to appear or do something special just put it in your review *hint hint* and we'll see if we can fit it in, cause we're alwayz lookin 4 ideas! Oh, and those of you who reviewed last time, yes that means you AngryMew2, expect your cookies in the mail. Any who, PLEASE READ & REVIEW, you um . . . get FUDGE brownies this time! *mouth waters* (Sorry if this chap wasn't that funny, it was to set up the next chap) 


	5. Rocky's Pastery Adventure

WWE Spring Break in Cancun  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Rocky's Pastry Adventure  
  
Day 2 (wrap up) & 3  
  
By- onthaedge487 & live4thaxtreme  
  
Disclaimer- We don't own anyone K? Oh, & we don't own the movie 'Dude Where's My Car?' . . . ROTFLMAO, during it! We got some of our ideas for this chap. from it, and we actually took some lines from it and changed them around, but it was just in fun so DON'T SUE! It's not like you'd get much anyway. Any who hope you enjoy our sad attempt at humor.  
  
"Hi Mattie! I've been waiting for ya to get home! Do you like how I redecorated the hotel room?" Jeff asked beaming proudly.  
  
"WHY THE HELL DID YOU FILL THE ROOM WITH SAND?" Matt screamed, standing frozen in the doorway staring into what was a clean hotel room, now covered in sand.  
  
"Look, I put all the sand on the floor so it feels like we're at the beach without actually being their! OH AND WE CAN MAKE SANDCASTLES! Oh, did you see what I did to the walls?" Jeff exclaimed excitedly, puffing out his chest with pride.  
  
"T-t-h-h-e walls?" Matt stuttered, and now beginning to hyper ventilate as he glanced up at the walls.  
  
"Do you like 'em? I painted them myself! This one's a sunny day, and this one's a sunset, and this one's an overcast sky, and this one's a stormy sky!" Jeff informed, pointing to the different walls which each had a different kind of sky, which could be seen at the beach.  
  
"I'm dreaming! Tell me I'm dreaming! Somebody pinch me! OW! I didn't actually mean for you to pinch me Jeff! Jeffery Nero Hardy, do you know, you ruined the very expensive hotel's walls. And do you know how long it will take to get all this f*cking sand out of the room?" Matt asked as his voice shook, and breathed heavily.  
  
"But, but, Mattie, I didn't mean to. I thought you would like it. Anyway, I had a rush of creativity when I painted it, and I didn't have any paper, and I spotted the walls." Jeff replied, looking extremely sad and hurt.  
  
"Ah, screw it. We'll just leave the sand here. It was very thoughtful of you Jeff, and actually, one of your brighter ideas. Hey, maybe the hotel will like what you did to 'em. I mean it does look really cool." Matt's tone lightened, as he looked over the walls, then gave Jeff a smile.  
  
"Thanks big bro. Geez, I thought you were gonna have a heart attack when you saw what I did."  
  
"Me too." Matt agreed, and seconds later they both cracked up.  
  
"Hey, will you help me build a sandcastle? I'm no good at it on my own."  
  
"Well . . . oh, why the hell not?" Matt agreed, and with that the brothers began to build a huge sandcastle, before bed. (Not very funny we know, we just had to put it in. Come on, they gotta spend some quality time together, may it be building sandcastles, it had to happen. *cricket noises* Yes we are insane, so keep reading).  
  
*In a Different Hotel Room*  
  
Kurt Angle yawned as it was well passed his bed time. The only reason he was up so late was that he was perfecting his plan to ruin Lita! He grinned evilly at the thought. Angle poured his warmed milk into a glass, picked up his plate of chocolate chip cookies, walked over to his comfy bed. He then discarded his fluffy pink robe, and fluffy pink bunny slippers, revealing matching pink bunny PJ's.  
  
"Oh, don't worry Mr. Fluffums that evil Lita will get what's coming to her, don't you worry. Then daddy will go out and buy some new thongs to celebrate." Angle promised as he crawled into bed and pulled a large, fluffy pink bunny, with a bald spot at the top of it's head, close to him, and snuggled it. (getting the idea he likes pink . . . & bunnies? *shudders* Oh & his bunny needed to be bald too since Kurt is even though he at times denies it.)  
  
"I'M NOT BALD! LOOK AT MY FULL HEAD OF HAIR!" Angle yelled up at the authors, adjusting his wig.  
  
"Whatever Angle, would you please shut the hell up so I can continue?" Live4thaXtreme replies as Angle nods. "Anywayz . . ."  
  
Mr. Fluffums- . . . . . .  
  
"What was that Mr. Fluffums? What if she catches on? Oh don't worry Mr. Fluffums; she'll never catch on, because I'm an Olympic genius!"  
  
Mr. Fluffums- . . . . .  
  
"I knew you would see it my way. But I couldn't have done it without all your help. Here have a cookie, and could I tempt you with some milk?" Angle asked, shoving a cookie at the stuffed bunny, and attempting to feed it to him. Once Angle, fell asleep . . .  
  
"Hey! What about Mr. Fluffums?!" Angle yelled, looking angrily at the Authors.  
  
"Geez, soorrrrry! Don't get your thong in a twist. As I was saying . . ." Onthaedge487 continued typing, clearly annoyed with the interruptions.  
  
Once Angle annnnnd Mr. Fluffums fell asleep, (Onthaedge487 & Live4thaXtreme- Happy now? *Angle nods*) Angle began to dream. Angle, being the dork he is (Angle- HEY! That's Olympic dork to you! . . . Wait a minute . . .) was dreaming about his 'plan to ruin Lita', and started talking in his sleep.  
  
"Mr. Fluffums, get the milk truck! Quick, before she gets away! Where's the dern hose?! Snore. Ha, I got you now, you thong stealing red haired meanie! How do you like that Lita! Snore. GOT MILK?! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Snnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooorrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeee."  
  
*The Next Morning* (day 3- for anyone who's as confused as us)  
  
"Yawn! Man, what a night. I was so hammered I have no friggin' idea what I did. Yawn." Y2J said sleepily, rubbing his eyes. He then sat up in the bed, stretched and looked around the unfamiliar hotel room with blurry eyes. "What the f*ck? Where the hell am I?" Jericho proceeded to look down at the person lying next to him, and fell out of the bed in sheer shock.  
  
Meanwhile, Edge and Christian woke up, not in their hotel rooms but behind a dumpster outside a beauty salon. Realizing this, they became nervous, and curious as to how they had got there.  
  
"Dude, how did we get here?" Edge asked his brother, panic evident in his voice.  
  
"I don't know, but this dumpster reeks of garbage-ness. Let's so totally back away from it." Christian said, moving away from the extremely smelly dumpster.  
  
"Christian, we should find away back to the hotel right-"  
  
"After we get our hair done." Christian ordered, noticing the hair salon, and pulling Edge into it.  
  
Meanwhile, in Stephanie's hotel room, all hell had broken loose. Glass was shattered, vases broken, lamps busted. What caused it? No, no it was no Hurricane . . . it was . . .  
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PIECE OF SLIME! OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIVE THIS! THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU MUST HAVE TALKED ME INTO THIS!" Stephanie shrieked, chucking another vase across the room.  
  
"ME A PIECE A SLIME? HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR LATELY, YOU TRASH BAG HO! HELL NO, THIS AIN'T MY FAULT! I'M A LIVING LEGEND, AND I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING THIS STUPID OR ANYONE THIS SKANKY! YOU MUSTA DRUGGED ME! DAMN YOU, HO!" Jericho yelled, pointing a finger. (not gonna mention which one . . . heh)  
  
"GET OUT JERICHO, OR I'LL HAVE MY DADDY FIRE YOU! I SAID GET THE HELL OUT!" Stephanie screamed, most likely screeching her lungs out. She prepared to throw a lamp at him if he didn't cooperate.  
  
"YOU THINK I WANT TO STAY! EW, I CAN'T BELIVE I SLEPT WITH A FITHY, DIRTY, DISTUSTING, SKANKY, NO GOOD BOTTOM FEEDING, TRASH BAG HO!" Jericho shouted, as he left the room red faced, yet still in a state of shock.  
  
Back with E & C, it's now two hours later. Edge and Christian came out with freshly washed and trimmed hair, although it looked the same as it always did, they on the other hand thought the hair dresser was a total genius for what she had done. They called her work a masterpiece, which should be displayed to the entire world.  
  
"Dude, now that we have our hair done, we SO totally can't deprive all those full on scorch cakes out there, of our beautiful golden locks. How bout we go to the beach?" Edge suggested confidently.  
  
"I SO totally agree with you! Not only are we reeking of awesomeness today, but we are reeking of hotness, and coolness!" Christian agreed, smiling proudly.  
  
"I don't know about you, but I reek of that every day." Edge said, smiling, and pulling on his pair of black sunglasses. (Onthaedge487- You know the ones. *swoons*)  
  
After a few hours they finally made it to the beach, since they stopped in several stores for sunglasses, trench coats, crazy hats, and at their hotel to shower, and get their bathing suits.  
  
*At the Beach*  
  
Christian glanced over to Edge, about to ask him something, but noticed there was something on his back as Edge took his shirt off. "Edge you got a tattoo!" Christian exclaimed, pointing to Edge's back, then began to off his own shirt.  
  
Just as he was about to reply, he turn around and notices something on Christian's back as well when he took his shirt of. "Dude, so did you! So, what does mine say?"  
  
"I'm reeking of awesomeness, what does mine say?" Christian replied  
  
"I'm reeking of coolness, now what does mine say?!" Edge said, getting a little annoyed.  
  
"I know that! I'm reeking of awesomeness, now what about mine?"  
  
Christian answered, also getting pissed off.  
  
"Thank you captain obvious! I'm r-e-e-k-i-n-g o-f -c-o-o-l-n-e- s-s!" Edge said it extra slow for emphasis. "HOW BOUT MINE?"  
  
"NO SHIT! I'm r-e-e-k-i-n-g o-f -a-w-e-s-o-m-e-n-e-s-s! What about my tattoo?" Christian said, also talking extra slow as if his brother was a two year old.  
  
"That's it . . ." Edge said through gritted teeth. He got so pissed off that he grabbed Christian in a headlock, while Christian tried to fight out it by elbowing Edge in his bare stomach. Edge started to punch Christian in his stomach with his free hand, all the while arguing over each other's tattoo's.  
  
"Would you please SHUT THE HELL UP?!" Y2J yelled, walking over, but looking rather traumatized.  
  
"Thank you! Geez, how dense are you! I guess they call you the valley girls for a reason! Okay I'm gonna make it nice simple. Edge, your tattoo says reeking of awesomeness, and Christian, yours says reeking of coolness. Any questions?" Lita said in a harsh tone, saying her words extra slow, like they were incapable 2 year olds, and muttering 'dumb blondes' under her breath.  
  
"Yeah, I got a question!" Christian yelled, raising his hand as if in school. "How come Edge got the better tattoo? It looks better! I want it, I want it!" He whined, starting to throw a tantrum.  
  
"Would you p-p-p . . . to weak, can't go on." Jericho stuttered in a whisper.  
  
"I am SO totally reeking of awesomeness, that's why my tattoo looks SO good! But, why the hell doesn't it say I'm reeking of hotness too?" Edge asked, also getting a little pissed, and really confused.  
  
"IT'S HOPELESS! DO EITHER OF YOU HAVE A BRAIN CELL?" Lita screamed, pounding her head on a nearby table.  
  
At hearing this Christian stopped in mid tantrum. "Edge, what's that noise, I'm scared! Edge hold me!" He quickly jumped into Edge's arms.  
  
"DUDE, GET HELL OFF ME! GET A GRIP, IT'S ONLY LITA BANGING HER HEAD AGIANST A TABLE! UH, LITA? LITA?" Edge yelled into Lita's ear but go no response for some time. He dropped Christian to the ground with a thud.  
  
Lita was too busy incoherently mumbling to herself as she began to bang her head harder and harder. "WHY ME? WHY THE HELL ME? I THOUGHT JEFF WAS BAD, BUT THE THESE TWO TAKE THE CAKE! WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?"  
  
"Cake? Where? Dude, I'm SO totally craving cake!" Christian exclaimed, hopping up and down in excitement.  
  
"Sweet, let's go!" Edge agreed equally exited. They ran off in search of cake, leaving a twitching Y2J on the ground, and a now unconscious Lita alone. Lita who proceeds to falls on top of Y2J with a plop. All of a sudden Matt comes walking by, in his own little world.  
  
"La, la, la. Hmmm . . . I wonder where Lita is. I never got to give her my special surprise! What the hell? Lita is that you?" Matt said, nearly stumbling over the fallen Lita and Y2J. "How could you sink that low? That's just nasty, and on the beach to! You know this is a public place! Children are watching!" He ran away screaming only to bump into . . .  
  
*In a Rental Car*  
  
"Where in the blue hell is the bakery? The Rock needs his pie! If this damn jabroni in front doesn't start to move, the Rock is gonna get out of his car, take that stop sign over there, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up his candy ass! And what in the blue hell is up with that motorcycle?! Only a sick freak would drive something like that!" The Rock muttered, getting impatient as the car in front of him wasn't moving during the green light.  
  
*In the Hurri- Cycle*  
  
"Citizen Jeff, I think we've run out of gas. I'll have to use my Hurri- powers to transport us safely to a gas station, or we will be stuck on this road forever!"  
  
Jeff, who was sitting in the little passenger/sidekick seat of the Hurri- Cycle eyes bulged. "Forever?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait, um Hurricane? What's that little red light next to the 'P' mean?" Jeff asked staring at the 'P', meaning the parking break is on.  
  
"Um, I'm not sure what that means. WAZUPWITDAT? Hey, why is the guy behind us getting out of his car?" Hurricane noticed an angry looking man getting out of his car and making his way to them.  
  
"He looks angry. I still can't figure out what this damn 'P' means!" Jeff yelled turning his attention back to the red light by the 'P' sign.  
  
"Fear not Citizen Jeff Hardy, I'll um . . ."  
  
"WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL DO YOU TWO JABRONIS' THINK YOU'RE DOING? The Rock is waiting to get his pie, and what are you jabronis' doing? You're sitting around playing super hero, and holding up the line! Now if you don't start this car the Rock is going to whoop your candy ass like it's never been whooped before!" Rock warned, extremely pissed.  
  
"That's just it Citizen Rock. We seem to have run out of gas!"  
  
The Rock peered into the Hurri-cycle and looked at the gas gauge (the thingy that tells you how much gas you have left) and the tank was just about full. He then looked over to where Jeff was looking. He noticed the parking break was on, and completely blew up.  
  
"What you jabronis' have failed to realize is that you have had the parking break on for the last ten minutes! The Rock says you are the dumbest people he's ever seen in his entire life, and that includes Pee Wee Herman! Now take the damn parking break off so the Rock can go to the bakery and get his damn pie!" The Rock exclaimed, getting red in the face. (A/N-Not exactly sure if the Hurri-cycle would have a parking break, but for the sake of the fic let's just pretend, K?)  
  
"But Rock we don't have any gas, how are we gonna go?" Jeff asked, looking very confused.  
  
"That's it, JUST BRING IT JABRONI!" Rock challenged, about to lunge at Jeff.  
  
"Thanks for your help Citizen Rock, and don't mind Jeff, he was dropped on his head as a child. We'll be going." Hurricane said hurriedly, turning the parking break off and setting the cycle into drive. He then drove away as fast as he could without breaking the speed limit. (that's un- super hero like ya know.)  
  
"Damn jabronies. I shoulda whooped their candy asses all over Cancun!" The Rock mumbled to himself, now back in his car and nearing the bakery. "Ah, here it is." He parked his car in the bakery parking lot and entered the small shop.  
  
"Um, may I help you sir?" The Guy at the cash register asked, looking oddly at the Rock who had his eyes closed, head up, sniffing the air (like he does on TV).  
  
"Finally, the Rock has come back to . . ." The Rock pauses as he looks at the name of the bakery. "Jose's Bakery Sombrero. What in the blue hell kind of name is that?" He unintentionally did the People's Eyebrow in curiosity.  
  
"If you didn't notice sir, the building is in the shape of a huge sombrero." The Guy at the cash register responded.  
  
"Well that's just sick. Now jabroni, the Rock has come to get his pie. Get your candy ass moving and show the Rock the pie selection."  
  
"Um, sir, we're all out of pie. But we do . . ."  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! You are telling the Rock that he came all this way to get pie and you jabron's don't have any!"  
  
"Well we do . . ."  
  
"What's your name jabroni?" Rock asked suddenly.  
  
"It happens to be Jos-"  
  
"IT DOSEN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!" The Rock yelled, interrupting Jose, also known as Guy at cash register.  
  
"Well as I was saying, we do have cakes, brownies, Mexican pastries, cookies, um, and one of our specialties, STRUDEL." Jose said smiling.  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! Did the Rock hear you right? The Rock doesn't eat STRUDEL, he eats PIE! What in the bluest of blue hell kind of bakery is this that doesn't have pie? And from the looks of you jabroni, you definitely like strudel!" The Rock answered, disgusted.  
  
"What's wrong with strudel? I think it's a-"  
  
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! Now if you don't go get the Rock some pie the Rock is going to kick your candy ass all over this bakery, you sick freak!" Rock shouted, glaring at Jose.  
  
"I told you we don't have any pie. I can't do anything about that sir." Jose replied, getting annoyed.  
  
"That's it. JUST BRING IT, JABRONI!" Rock challenged, doing the 'Just Bring It' hand movement.  
  
"Um, okay." Jose pondered. "Oh I know how to answer this!" He said looking proud. It's already been broughten!" Jose exclaimed, doing 'the' finger snap in front of his face, & attempting to look tough.  
  
"What in the blue hell are you talking about jabroni? The Rock told you to bring it, not to act like a wannabe cheerleader from a movie." The Rock stated, looking somewhat confused.  
  
"Oh well I personally thought Not Another Teen Movie was exce-" Jose began but was cut off when The Rock flipped him over the counter and proceeded to give him a 'Rock Bottom'.  
  
"LOOK, LOOK J.R.!" King screamed, nearly pissing his tights. "IT'S THE ROCK! HE JUST ROCK BOTTOMED THE GUY AT THE REGISTER!" He yelled excitedly as he walked into the sombrero shaped bakery, followed by J.R.  
  
"He's about to perform the most electrifying move in all of sports and entertainment!" J.R. declared, as they say down at a small table off to the side.  
  
"Damn straight, jabroni!" Rock agreed, overhearing the 'commentary' as he pretended to take off an elbow pad as if he was in the ring in his gear.  
  
"And there it is King! The Peoples' Elbow, the Peoples' Elbow!" J.R. exclaimed.  
  
By now a large crowd was huddled outside of the bakery peering in through the window. They erupted as the Rock raised his hands in victory.  
  
AN- So many unanswered questions in this chapter. What is Matt's surprise for Lita? Will Matt and Lita ever hook up? Who did Matt bump into? What has Kurt been plotting against Lita? Does anyone give a damn about Kurt? (All- NO!) Will the Rock get his pie? (Rock- The Rock says he will get his damned pie even if he has to kick all your candy asses! *looking at all the superstars*) Will Austin ever stop getting drunk? (Austin- HELL NO!) Do Y2J and Steph have hidden feelings for each other? Wait, how did that one get in there? It seems like they hate the sight of each other. But then again they did sleep together, drunk, or not. Thank you to the people who submitted ideas & of course to those of you who reviewed. We already had most of this chapter written so most of your ideas will be used in later chapters. The offer still stands. If you would like to see any particular superstar in this story, or have any ideas for it then feel free to put it in you review. Anywayz, please read and review and um, actually that's it . . . yeah. Toodelz! ; ) 


	6. Dude Where's My Whiteout?

WWE Spring Break in Cancun  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Dude . . . Where's My Whiteout?  
  
Day 3  
  
Disclaimer- Same old, same old.  
  
While all the other stuff with The Rock was going on, RVD was having some issues of his own. He sat on his bed and pulled out a bottle of white out, and unscrewed the cap. He put it up to his nose and um, sniffed, a lot. (A/N- Yeah, white out that's what we said! We're just sick of people making him get high off of the normal (weed, etc.) stuff so, white out it is. We're not normal, you've been warned.)  
  
"Ah, finally. I thought I'd never find it. Mhmmmmmmm . . . smells so good . . . yeah. Heh, heh . . . yeah." RVD said sniffing more violently. "Betta go check my stash . . . heh . . . yeah." Now high, he walked over to the bureau draw and opened it. "WHAT THE F*CK? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY STASH! WHERE DID IT GO?" Rob yelled, getting red and shaky. "I only have one more bottle left! Might as well not let it go to waste." He picked up the last bottle of white out, his hands shaking in shock and fury. He opened it, but lost his grip on it and the bottle went flying.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" RVD yelped, near tears.  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
The last time we left Matt, he had run off the beach screaming. Now he had run all the way back to the hotel lobby when he bumped into Stacy Keibler, Trish Stratus, Torrie Wilson, Molly Holly, and Stephanie McMahon. He was now more frightened than ever.  
  
"Um, sorry, I uh wasn't looking were I was going. I'm gonna lea-" Matt apologized, attempting to leave.  
  
"Nonsense, it really was our fault, wasn't it ladies?" Stacy asked, pulling Matt back as the rest of the divas nodded.  
  
"We're very sorry. How can we make it up to you?" Torrie said, licking her lips.  
  
"Oh lord. I gotta go, NOW." Matt once again tried to leave but Stacy and Trish held him back.  
  
"What's the matter? Is something bothering you? Is it your brother?  
  
I can help get him out of your hair." Trish offered, grinning evilly.  
  
"Someone, help. Please." Matt whimpered.  
  
"Come on Mattie, let's all go sit and talk on that couch over there!"  
  
Stephanie said her voice squeaky as she grabbed his arm.  
  
*The Couch Area in the Hotel Lobby*  
  
"So Matt, do you hiccup, like beer? I have . . . hiccup . . . found it tastes excellent! Who would've . . . *hiccup* . . . thought?" Molly said enthusiastically holding up a beer bottle that she now carries everywhere with her.  
  
"Um, ah . . ." Matt stuttered. "Where the hell is Jeff when you need him? Or that damn Hurricane guy!" He mumbled under his breath.  
  
"Matt, I've had my eye on you for a long time. I'll give you everything you need! And I've got LEGS!" Stacy exclaimed, holding up a long leg in front of his face. Matt gulped, and tried to push her leg out of his way.  
  
"Well I like him too! So back off! And I have huge tits! So ha, you're scrawny little legs can't compete with these!" Torrie said, pointing to her chest.  
  
"Hey wait! I have big tits too! You best back up bitch!" Trish warned, getting up along with Stacy and Torrie.  
  
"OH Gawd my eyes! I think I'm going blind! Why the hell are they so bright?" Matt asked, indicating the diva's sunburns. He shaded his eyes from the terrible light they were giving off.  
  
"Well they were stupid enough to sit around all day in the sun without sunscreen, and got sunburns. But, I being the smart one am sunburn free!" Steph informed him, looking proud, then moving closer to Matt on the couch.  
  
"Okay, now I'm going blind and deaf." Matt said covering his ears to block out Stephanie's talking.  
  
"Gee, I always thought Trish liked Jeff. It's . . . *hiccup* . . . kinda odd how she's . . . *hiccup* . . . fighting for you." Molly observed, indicating the cat fight that had broken out in front of them between Trish, Torrie, and Stacy.  
  
"OH YEAH! I forgot about that! Heh, my bad!" Trish remembered, and slapped her forehead. She left Torrie and Stacy to battle it out.  
  
"How bout we just leave right now and go up to my room for some well overdue fun?" Steph suggested, tugging on Matt's arm.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," was Matt's reply.  
  
"I'll take that as a maybe."  
  
All of a sudden they here a big commotion in the semi-quiet lobby, and a male voice yelling about something. They see someone rush past, then backtrack and stand in front of the group sitting on the couch, and Torrie and Stacy on the floor fighting it out.  
  
"HAVE YOU SEEN MY STASH?" RVD asked, shaking from head to toe.  
  
"Huh?" Matt asked, completely clueless to what he was talking about.  
  
"SOMEONE STOLE MY STASH! IT'S GONE! ALL GONE! I NEED TO GET IT BACK! LOOK AT ME I'M SHAKING!"  
  
"What did you stash consist of? Money? Um, drugs?" Matt questioned, getting up to stand with RVD, which caused Stephanie to fall to the ground, since she had positioned herself on his lap.  
  
"NO! WHITE OUT! I NEEEEEEEEEEED MY WHITE OUT! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!" RVD yelled, grabbing Matt's shirt collar and shaking him a bit.  
  
"Calm down RVD! I'll help you find the person who took it. But right  
  
now um, let's go to the store and get you some replacements, okay?"  
  
"K-k-kay." Rob agreed, now beginning to twitch.  
  
"I WON! I WON! I GET MATTIE! HE'S ALL MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Stacy proclaimed after she had knocked Torrie over the head with a heavy flower pot, causing her to loose consciousness. Torrie at the moment was on the floor unconscious and drooling, unable to respond.  
  
"OKAY, let's go NOW!" Matt and RVD attempted to make a quick exit but Stacy soon latched herself onto Matt's arm. "Just Rob and I are going, not you. Please leave me alone!" Matt pleaded, almost shaking as bad as Rob.  
  
"No way. I'm gonna follow you everywhere till you go out with me!" Stacy squealed, holding onto him tighter and started to skip as they exited the hotel.  
  
"LET'S GO NOW! I DON'T CARE IF SHE COMES! I NEED WHITE OUT!" RVD screamed, twitching furiously, and running towards the parking lot to his rental.  
  
"WHY ME? WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY? Matt shouted, as Stacy pulled him into the back seat. "Um, RVD, should you really be driving?"  
  
"WHY NOT? I GOTTA GET TO THE STORE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" RVD answered, starting up the car and speeding off to the local store.  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
*At a Toy Store*  
  
"YAY! I got the last Jeff Hardy action figure! It's my birthday, it's my birthday, oh yeah, oh yeah!" Jeff said excitedly, doing a little dance.  
  
"WAZUPWITDAT?!" Hurricane yelled, looking at the selection of WWE action figures.  
  
"WHAT?" Jeff asked, confused.  
  
"Well Citizen Jeff, it seems that there isn't a Hurricane action figure! This is terrible; every great superhero has their own action figure! I can't believe this! What am I going to do?" Hurricane exclaimed, being highly overdramatic.  
  
"Um, how bout you buy a different one? Look how many there are. There's The Rock, Y2J, Chris Benoit, Kane, Stephanie McSlutt, I mean McMahon, oh, and look there is one of Matt and Lita!" Jeff  
  
stated, naming a few of the hundreds of action figures.  
  
"Hmmmmm . . . well they are going to be my new sidekicks." Hurricane pondered, scratching his chin. "I suppose I'll get them." He agreed, grabbing the box holding the tag team of Matt and Lita in it.  
  
"YAY, now we'll have all of Team Xtreme! Besides, it is the last one. Hey, why don't we get a bunch! Then we can have a ton of matches that we've always wanted to happen!" Jeff suggested, grabbing a wrestling ring, and a few more action figures.  
  
"Excellent idea Citizen Jeff." Hurricane said, also grabbing more action figures.  
  
"Um, Hurricane? Earlier you said that Matt and Lita were going to be your sidekicks' right?" Jeff asked, wondering the aisles of the toy store.  
  
"That's correct good citizen. Continue." Hurricane replied, pushing the cart that was now filled with just about every action figure the store had.  
  
"Weeeelllll, I was wondering is maybe, just maybe, I could be your sidekick too? You would have all Team Xtreme on your side!" Jeff exclaimed optimistically.  
  
"You bring up an excellent point Citizen Jeff. With all of Team Xtreme as my allies, evil doers won't stand a chance!"  
  
"Holy Sh*t!!! Look over there!" Jeff yelled, pointing to the Barbie section.  
  
Hurricane looked where Jeff is pointing and he let go of the cart and it went flying into a display. Too his horror Hurricane sees Billy and Chuck playing with Barbie's. "WAZUPWITDAT?!"  
  
A loud flush came from the men's restroom nearby, and The Big show walks out and groans. "Hey guys where's Ken?! He's late for the wedding." Big Show said, picking up a Barbie dressed in a wedding gown, and proceeding to join Billy and Chuck.  
  
Jeff grabbed the cart and throws about four $20's at the cashier. "Keep the change!" He yelled hastily, and noticed, that Hurricane is already at the car.  
  
Jeff put the stuff in the trunk and jumps through the open window. "Go, go, go!" Hurricane speeds off in the car.  
  
(A/N- Hurricane got into a car . . . wait a minute . . . they came in the Hurri-cycle . . . and left in a stolen car . . . Hmmmmmmmm . . . oh, and Hurricane like sprained his arm and leg right? Oh well)  
  
Realizing they made a mistake, they got out and got in the Hurri- cycle and sped off, not giving a damn about the speed limit, due to the fact that Billy, Chuck and Big Show had come out of the toy store with Barbie's in hand, inviting Hurricane and Jeff to play with them. (A/N- Come on, wouldn't you try to get the hell out of there as fast as you could if you got an invitation to 'play' with Billy, Chuck and Big Show?)  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
"WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!!!!!!!!!" RVD roared, twitching REALLY badly.  
  
"Dude, just breathe, okay? In and out, in and out." Matt he said from the back seat as he tried to pry Stacy off him. In turn, Rob began to hyperventilate. "I didn't mean like that, Rob! Stacy, please leave me alone! I'm not your damn snuggle bunny AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Matt yelled, and he too started to twitch.  
  
"I love you SO much, Mattie! You're ALL mine! You're my snuggle bunny! You're my Muppet muffin! We're going to be together FOREVER!" Stacy exclaimed, holding him so tight Matt could barely breathe.  
  
"Someone help! Save me! Anyone? Anyone? I'm gonna die! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Matt said, near tears, yet again. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, RVD arrives at the store. He sprints into the store and runs to the cash register.  
  
"GIVE ME WHIIIITE OUT!!!"  
  
"Ummmm ok..." The Cashier replied, although somewhat confused, he complies and hands RVD a bottle of white out.  
  
"MORE!" And with that the Cashier gives Rob Van Dam another bottle.  
  
"MOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!" And so the Cashier gives him a box of whiteout.  
  
"Thank you" RVD walks away, walks out the door gets into the car and starts sniffing.  
  
"Sir, SIR! You have to pay for that!!!" The Cashier called, looking rather pissed off. "THAT"S IT!!!" The Cashier jumps over counter, runs up to the car, pulls RVD out, and punches him in the face.  
  
The Cashier is abruptly knocked out of his day dream by Stacy declaring her love to Matt then chasing after his fleeing figure.  
  
(A/N- here's what really happens)  
  
Cashier walks up to RVD, attempting to remain calm. "Sir, you have to pay for that . . . you will pay for that."  
  
"Oh. uh.. How much do I owe you?" RVD asked, leaning against his car for support, sniffing.  
  
"$20.33" The Cashier replied, now doing breathing exercises. "Breathe in, breathe out . . ."  
  
"Do you take . . . speed pass uh . . . or a coke card . . . yeah . . . heh?" RVD asked, now pretty high.  
  
The Cashier laughs, snorting loudly at the question. "No!"  
  
"Okay . . . uh . . . yeah . . ." RVD said, giving the Cashier the money. "This better be worth it. this is my.uh . . ." RVD muttered under his breath and got into his car. "White out money . . . yeah."  
  
"Is she gone?! Matt whispered, coming back over to the car. "FOR THE LOVE OF G*D PLEASE TELL ME SHE'S GONE!"  
  
"OH MATTIE! COME OUT; COME OUT WHERE EVER YOU ARE! THERE YOU ARE! I FOUND YOU! NOW I'M GONNA SNUGGLE YOU FOREVER!" Stacy shrieked, running over to the car and grabbing onto Matt before he could run.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
They all got into the car, Matt near tears, RVD extremely high, and Stacy being her normal annoying and seductive self. They headed back to the hotel.  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
The Rock was incredibly pissed off. He needed pie like you wouldn't believe. He was sitting outside the bakery on a bench. Yeah, he had just whooped some jabroni's candy ass, but he wasn't as fulfilled as he thought he would be. It was due to lack of pie. He remembered the sick freak at the bakery had said they were 'all out'. He wondered who exactly got the last pie.  
  
"The Rock isn't himself without his pie! The Rock can't be the jabroni beatin', pie eatin', eye brow raisin', elbow droppin', smack down layin', people's champ, without pie! It's just wrong! The Rock could go and eat cake, but then he wouldn't be who he is, now would he?" The Rock mumbled to himself, choking back tears.  
  
Just then Edge and Christian strolled by happily, a pie in each of their hands. The Rock notices this and can't help but drool.  
  
"Dude, I'm SO totally glad we found that bakery!" Christian exclaimed with a wide grin.  
  
"Dude, we were SO totally lucky we got the two last pies!" Edge said, stopping near the bench The Rock was sitting at.  
  
"I know dude, pie totally rules! So much more than reeky, icky, cake. I'd take pie over cake any day." Christian vented, taking a whiff of the hot pie he held his hands.  
  
"I know. Who would've thought we were going to get cake that is until we saw these two, delicious, scrumptious pies." Edge agreed, holding his pie up to his nose so he could sniff it as well.  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! Did you jabroni's just say that you have pie?" Rock asked, tilting his head sideways.  
  
"Totally." Edge replied, grinning.  
  
"Yeah, we sooooo totally snagged the last two." Christian bragged, smiling smugly.  
  
"Who in the blue hell do you two think you are taking the last two pies in this damn city?"  
  
"Well dude, we were hungry and we didn't want cake." Edge answered matter-of-factly.  
  
"Well you could have had strudel; they had a lot of that." Rock said, glaring at the two blonds.  
  
"Strudel, hmmm . . . that's sounds good, maybe we should go back and get some." Christian contemplated, scratching his chin.  
  
Edge in return, smacks Christian in the back of the head. "Dude, what are you thinking aboot, we don't like strudel and we never will!"  
  
"I was only suggesting. . ." Christian trailed off due to the death glare Edge was giving him.  
  
"That's it gimme those damn pies before I whoop your candy asses all ova the city of Cancun!" Rock warned, raising from his seat on the bench.  
  
"Sure we'll give you the pies." Edge said, grinning and winking at Christian.  
  
"Dude, is there something wrong with your eye? Do you need to go to the hospital or something?" Christian asked, looking highly confused and completely clueless.  
  
"Why me, why do I have such a reekazoid for a brother?" Edge mumbled under his breath, so that it was almost inaudible. "NO, Christian I'm fine." Edge reassured him, winking again.  
  
"Ooooooookaaaaaay, are you sure you don't need medical a-a tt-en-  
  
tion . . . attention?" Christian asked, having seriously difficulty pronouncing the word. "Wow that sure was hard to say." Christian said after finally pronouncing it right after a lot of hard work.  
  
"Dude, I'm really, really OK. Hey is that a truck load of pies going by?"  
  
"Where?" Both The Rock and Christian asked simultaneously looking over there shoulders.  
  
Edge took this moment to whisper to Christian. "Dude, when Rock looks back we gonna pie him. You got that?"  
  
"Oooook. But where did the pie truck go? I didn't see it!" Christian asked, about to through one of his infamous tantrums. "Where did it GO?"  
  
"That's what the Rock wants to know jabroni." The Rock said, beginning to turn back around.  
  
Edge slaps his forehead in frustration. "Ready Christian?"  
  
"Ready for what?" Christian asked, stopping in mid-tantrum.  
  
Edge yet again slaps Christian upside the head. "This can't be a good thing . . . there goes my tag team partner."  
  
"Oooooooooohhhhh." Christian said, actually comprehending what he's supposed to be ready for.  
  
"Ready for what? And I want my damn pie now, jabroni!!!!"  
  
"Don't worry Rock; you'll get your pie very soon." Edge assured him with a smirk.  
  
"Fine, hand it over." Rock demanded, and put out arms, expecting the pie.  
  
Edge nodded to Christian, who unbelievably understands and they both smashed the pies into either side of Rock's face.  
  
"Dude, that was like a con chair to, but with pies." Christian reflected, excitedly.  
  
"No dude no, I don't think so." Edge said sighing.  
  
"WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL JUST HAPPENED? DID TWO JABRONIS JUST PIE THE ROCK IN THE FACE, CAUSE IF THEY DID THEIR CANDY ASSES ARE MINE. GET READY YOUR CANDY ASSES ARE NEXT!" Rock shouted, glaring at Edge and Christian who had already run away, Edge laughing his head off and Christian screaming his lungs out. "That's fine with me, The Rock'll get you two back later."  
  
*While this was happening*  
  
The last time we saw Lita and Y2J, Y2J was in a traumatized state, twitching on the ground do to the fact that he slept with Stephanie McMahon and Lita was laying on top of him unconscious do to one to many hits on the head. And Lita was unaware that Matt had seen this and taken it the wrong way.  
  
"Lita, get the hell off me damn it." Y2J commanded, still twitching violently.  
  
Lita made no reply as her tongue was hanging out, and drool slowly trickled from her mouth onto his face and shirt. (A/N- Yea, we know gross.)  
  
"Somebody get her off of me, her knee is digging its way into my special area." Jericho begged, twitching with tears streaming down his face.  
  
Lita groaned, finally waking up and opening her eyes. "Uh. . . what ' the f*ck? Where am I?" Lita asked startled, then pushed her knee up hard trying to get up, unintentionally hurting Y2J. (A/N-Basically a low blow or a knee to groin, whatever.)  
  
"Get- OWWWWWWWWWW!" Jericho began, in a high whisper.  
  
"Oh sh*t Chris, I'm sorry! Lemmie help you!" Lita said, getting up, and then helping the yelping Chris Jericho up.  
  
"I'm NEVER EVVVVVVVVVER going to be the same again!" Jericho squeaked, in a high pitched whisper.  
  
"I bet you won't. I mean, just put some ice on it, and you'll be fine. Hey, have you seen Matt?"  
  
"Right after you fell over on top of me, the assclown nearly tripped over us. Then he started getting in a huff saying we were doing 'the nasty'. Then he ran off screaming and ran off the beach." Y2J answered, hunched over, then tried to stand up.  
  
"Crap! This is just great! Now he thinks I'm with you! WHY ME? I never even got my damn surprise! Did you see which way he went?" Lita asked, getting a toy shovel that was on the ground and began to repeatedly hit herself with it.  
  
"Well, considering I was twitching up a storm and completely in shocked thanks to Stephanie McSkank, I'm not sure. But, I think he went that way." Jericho answered, pointing straight, in the direction of the hotel.  
  
"Okay, thanks. Hey wait, what'd the ho do now?" Lita asked raising an eyebrow.  
  
"She . . . um . . . we kinda, um . . ." Y2J mumbled, now begging to shake uncontrollably.  
  
"SPIT IT OUT MAN!"  
  
"WE SLEPT TOGETHER!" Jericho yelled, shaking from head to toe, and starting to twitch yet again.  
  
"YOU WHAT?"  
  
"I know, it's terrible! My reputation is ruined! But, we were drunk . . . so we didn't know . . . SHE MUST HAVE DRUGGED ME!" Jericho screamed, now beginning to hyper ventilate.  
  
"I don't know what to say. Wait, here." Lita said, pulling out a paper bag from her pocket and handed it to him.  
  
"T-t-thanks." Jericho muttered, breathing into bag.  
  
"I gotta go find Matt!" Lita exclaimed, starting to run, but then tripped over something and fell.  
  
"OW! Hey, watch where you're going!"  
  
Lita got up then looked down at what she tripped on. "What the f*ck? Goldust, what the hell are you doing down there? How the hell did you get buried in sand?" She asked, looking at Goldust oddly, whose head only popped out from under a huge mound of sand.  
  
"Booker decided it would be fun if we buried each other in the sand. I'm a bit sad though do to the fact that I can't move. I can't feel myself up! But, when he comes back from the bathroom, he'll dig me out. Then he'll be buried by . . ." He paused for a second to perform his freaky inhale. "GOLDUST." Goldust then proceeded to bite the air.  
  
Booker T, who is surfing had a giant grin on his face. "He fell for it! I ain't never gonna go back! Now can you dig that . . . SUCKA?!" Booker then does spin-a-rooni on surf board, just for the hell of it.  
  
"Um, I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta get back to the hotel, it's an emergency. Maybe Chris will wanna chat with you?" Lita suggested, dragging Y2J over to Goldust.  
  
"OH HELL NO! I've had enough torture for one day thank you! I'm outta here." Jericho said, and quickly walked off with Lita not too far behind him.  
  
"Excuse me, Booker? It's your turn! Booker? Booker, my shining star, I miss you! Can someone help me? I'm stuck! Helllllllllo? ANYONE?" Goldust paused to look around. "You will feel the wrath of . . ." Goldust pauses yet again only to do that freaky inhale. "Goldust!" He yelled, talking to a toddler crawling by, who starts to cry at the sight of the sick freak.  
  
*Back at the Hotel- Indoor Pool Area*  
  
"OH Mattie, I love you sooooooo much! I could just squeeze you forever!" Stacy squealed, squeezing Matt to the point where she was practically choking him.  
  
"RVD, help me!" Matt pleaded, looking at RVD who was nearly passed out on the lounge chair next to him. When he got no reply, Matt knew he was doomed.  
  
"Soooooooo, how bout that date? I told you I wouldn't leave you until  
  
I got an actual date!" Stacy said, hugging him tighter.  
  
"FINE, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU'RE DRIVING ME COMPLETY INSANE! Someone put me outta my misery!"  
  
"YAY! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!" Stacy squealed, then hugged Matt so he could barely breath.  
  
"I got an idea. How bout it's a group date? I'll still go with you and all, but everyone else will be there." Matt said hopefully, crossing fingers.  
  
Stacy sat, attempting to think about it but realized it hurts. "Well . . . OKAY! As long as I have my Mattie!"  
  
"Um, I'll be right back. Okay?" Matt sighed, and began to pry Stacy off of him.  
  
"Don't be too long! I MISS YOU MATT!" Stacy yelled, near tears.  
  
*Sometime Later*  
  
RVD wakes up and looks to the lounge seat next to him and sees only Stacy there, sleeping, her sunburned face tearstained. It seemed as if she'd cried herself to sleep.  
  
"I wonder where Matt is." RVD mused, looking around, and then pulled out a bottle of whiteout and started to sniff.  
  
*Men's Bathroom*  
  
Matt was shivering, sitting on a covered toilet in the back of a men's room stall. He had his knees up to his chest and was rocking back and forth.  
  
"Its sooooo cold! I see scary, skanky, red women! I want out, I want ouuuuuuuuuuut!" He whispered, and Matt proceeded to bang his head repeatedly against the wall of the stall.  
  
A/N- Okay, we know this probably sucks, but bear with us. Most of this was done at 4:00 am, and in a rush. MOST of you're ideas will be used; they just maybe changed around a little to fit what we had in mind for the characters. Once again if you have any ideas we'd love to hear em and we'll probably put them in this piece of garbage fic we're attempting to write. Bwahahahahaha! Sorry, we just love to be psycho! Okay, we left some unanswered questions in this chapter. Who stole RVD's white out? Who will be paired up with whom on the group date? How pissed will Lita get when she realizes that Stacy is going with Matt? Will the Rock get revenge on E & C? Will Team Xtreme and Hurricane ever actually fight crime tighter? Will Austin ever be anything but drunk in this fic? (Answer- Probably not) What's Kurt's plan of revenge on Lita? Is Molly Holly an alcoholic? Anywayz please read and review, it's good to feel loved once and awhile! (or hated, whatever) Toodelz! 


	7. The Phone Calls from Hell

WWE- Spring Break in Cancun  
  
Chapter 7  
  
The Phone Calls from Hell  
  
Day 3 (wrap up)  
  
Disclaimer-  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "Hey Onthaedge487, you finally come back from vacation. What the hell took you so long?"  
  
Onthaedge487- "I was on vacation for crying out loud and I MET MATT HARDY!" *a puddle of drool quickly forms*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "Well, welcome back home but I forgot, what are we supposed to write here again?"  
  
Onthaedge487-"Damn it, what the hell do you think we're supposed to write here?!"  
  
Live4thaXtreme-"Um . . . we suck, no wait that's not it, I dunno stop yelling at me!"  
  
Onthaedge487- "YOU FRUITY PENGUIN, I'M NOT YELLING!" *slips in the puddle of drool*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "I'm a penguin, oh yea, oh yea, *does a little dance*  
  
Onthaedge487- "What the hell are you on? I knew I should've stayed away longer."  
  
Live4thaXtreme- *scratches head* "I dunno, but I want more. MHAHA . . . HA. . . HA."  
  
Onthaedge487- *mumbles under her breath* "Dumb ass."  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "What?"  
  
Austin- "WHAT?"  
  
Onthaedge487- "Would you please SHUT THE HELL UP?!"  
  
Y2J- *pops in* "Hey that's my line! Bow down to the KING OF THE WORLD!"  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "It's not like you say it anymore."  
  
Onthaedge487- "I refuse to bow down, you has-been." *snaps fingers*  
  
Y2J- "I'M A LIVING-" *gets speared by Edge who appears out of nowhere*  
  
Live4thaxtreme- "E-E-E-DGE!" *passes out*  
  
Onthaedge487- *drools, as Edge begins to leave* "Nooooooooo! Don't leave, stay! Take us with you! *looks at Live4thaXtreme who's passed out in a puddle of drool* NO, actually just take me!"  
  
Live4thaXtreme- *wakes up* "Hey what about me! U SMELL, TAKE ME INSTEAD, EDGE!" *passes out again*  
  
Edge- "Um, sorry but psychos aren't allowed in the arena." *leaves*  
  
Onthaedge487- *cries* "Damn. Okay, for the actual disclaimer: We don't own anyone in this story . . . yet. Bwahahahahahahahaha!" *cackles insanely*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- *wakes up* "Anywayz on with the freakin story." *shoves sock in Onthaedge487's mouth to stop the cackling, then passes out again*  
  
Onthaedge487- *muffled noises*  
  
Matt cautiously poked his head out of the Men's Bathroom. He let out a sigh of relief when he realized there was no sign of Stacey. He inched out, his back on the wall, tiptoeing and breathing heavily. He dropped to the ground, crawling on his elbows, and then doing a forward roll behind several plants (spy- movie style) as not to be seen by her or any other divas that may be passing by. Matt was extremely startled when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He reluctantly turned around, frankly scared out of his mind at who the person might be.  
  
"Thank heavens it's only you!" Matt said, and let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"Duuuuuuuuude, why are you . . ." RVD began, but momentarily pause to sniff his white out. "Hiding . . . uh. . . . behind a plant . . . uh . . . yeah?" he asked, a bit confused, in his usual high sate.  
  
"You weren't followed were you? She's not with you right? She has no idea you're here right? TELL ME SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I AM!" Matt yelled, beginning to sweat. Out of what most likely was nerves, he grabbed RVD by the collar of his shirt and began shaking him.  
  
"Dude, just chill. She's not here; she's asleep at the pool. Here have some white out. It'll help . . . yeah, it smeeeeells real uh good . . . yeah." RVD persuaded, brandishing the small bottle in his face. He handed Matt a bottle of white out, and Matt looked down on it as if  
  
he was pondering something.  
  
"Well okay. Right now I could seriously use something to get my mind off all this crap." Matt agreed, opening the white out. Just as he's about to sniff, Jeff and Hurricane come barreling into Matt, nearly knocking him over. "OW!"  
  
"We're terribly sorry Citizen, and soon to be sidekick Hardy, but we've just witnessed the most horrific sight known to man!"  
  
"MY WHITE OUT! Did it spill?" RVD yelled, completely spazing out over his beloved whiteout.  
  
"No your white out is fine, here." Matt assured him, handing RVD the white out. "Now what'd you two see?"  
  
"Well we were in the toy store and we were getting these action figures," Jeff replied, and pointed to several bags around their feet. "And we saw Billy, Chuck and . . ."  
  
"Lemmie guess, Rico?" Matt asked matter-of-factly.  
  
"No good Citizen, this was even worse. We saw Billy, Chuck and Big Show playing . . . oh I can't go on!" Hurricane exclaimed, and turned away from the group in shame and embarrassment and most of all, fear.  
  
"What? I wanna know!" Matt said in a childish manner.  
  
"They were . . . they were . . . playing Barbie's!" Jeff choked out. At hearing this, Matt let out a gasp, while Rob choked into his whiteout, causing him to sputter about.  
  
"They are such dastardly villains! They are corrupting young children's minds by their sickening display! But fear not, Hurricane and his sidekicks Team Xtreme will stop them!" Hurricane exclaimed, then did a heroic superhero pose.  
  
"We're gonna kick their Barbie lovin bootays!" Jeff declared, and began to do a happy dance, that in turn made him look like a demented chipmunk.  
  
"Oh, you guys, would you mind going on a group date tomorrow?" Matt asked abruptly.  
  
"Dude, *sniff* I . . . uh . . . don't *sniff* swing that way." RVD replied, shaking head.  
  
"Gimmie that!" Matt snatched the whiteout not looking very amused. "I didn't mean it like that! I meant that each of us accompanies a Diva on the group date that's happening tomorrow night. I'll find the restaurant and get the reservations; you guys just worry about getting a date, kay?"  
  
"That won't be a problem for me cause all the girls love Rob Van  
  
Dam!" RVD exclaimed, and proceeded to do his little thumb thing.  
  
"Hmmmm . . . who should I ask? Trish? Molly? Torrie? Stacy?  
  
Stephanie? Um, not Jazz, she, um it, freaks me out." Jeff pondered, lightly tapping his index finger to his head.  
  
"What about Citizen Lita? I think I'll ask her. We are going to be working together, so this would be a good way to get to know one  
  
another." Hurricane suggested, scratching chin in wonderment.  
  
"Good luck with that. Unfortunately *twitch* I have to take *twitch* St- s- s-t- Stacy. Matt informed, twitching violently.  
  
"How come? I didn't think you liked her at all." Jeff asked, looking totally and completely confused.  
  
"I *twitch* can't *twitch* stand *twitch* her. She *twitch* made *twitch* me *twitch* or *twitch* she *twitch* wouldn't *twitch* leave *twitch* me *twitch* alone." (A/N- Sorry bout all the twitching, heh, but um . . . we felt like making poor Mattykins twitch . . . a lot)  
  
"OHHHHH" Jeff said, as it finally clicked.  
  
"That's completely villainous!" Hurricane remarked, and Matt only twitched in reply.  
  
Seconds later, Lita came running over to them, partially covered in sand. "Hey guys! Matt, I've been looking for you! We need to talk!"  
  
"Um, well-" Matt began nervously.  
  
"Hello Juniors!"  
  
Lita slapped her forehead upon hearing the voice. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"What is this a bad time?" Y2J asked, smirking.  
  
"Ah, Citizen Lita we also need to talk. There's going to be a group outing tomorrow, and I was wondering if you would like the honor of being my date?" Hurricane asked nervously, afraid of any kind of rejection.  
  
Lita, in turn, banged her head against the wall in frustration. "I'll have to think about that Hurri-Dork." She pauses for a second, as if she was thinking, then replies, "How bout, NO!"  
  
"But it would be a good way for us to get to know each other."  
  
Hurricane said, looking slightly abashed by her answer. He really had thought she was going to say 'yes'.  
  
"Oh, I get it. You'd rather go with him." Matt said jealously, pointing at Y2J.  
  
"That's not tr-"  
  
"What's going on? What are you assclowns taking aboot?" Y2J asked, completely clueless to the situation at hand.  
  
"I hate Barbie's." Jeff whispered, and began to rock back and forth. At that, everyone turns to look at him oddly.  
  
"Jeff its okay, don't worry. We're not gonna let Barbie's anywhere near you. Now, Lita, who are you going to accompany to the group date?" Matt said soothingly, moving to his brother's side.  
  
"Yes Citizen, soon to be sidekick Lita, who? Me or him?" Hurricane asked, glaring at Jericho.  
  
"What date? When? What the hell is going on? Will someone clue me in?" Jericho questioned, looking as if he was about to have a complex.  
  
"Uh . . . duuuude there's a . . . uh . . . group date tomorrow night . . . uh yeah. Hurricane wants to go with Lita . . . I think . . . heh . . . white out?" RVD replied, offering Jericho a bottle.  
  
"Um, no thanks"  
  
"Alright, I'll go with you Hurri-dork! Geez, all of you are insane!" Lita groaned, throwing her hands up in defeat.  
  
"Need Power Puff Girls! Need to watch Power Puff Girls! Ahhhhhhhhh!" Jeff whined in a robotic like tone, continuing to rock back and forth in a disturbed fashion.  
  
"Um, is Citizen soon to be sidekick Jeff okay?"  
  
"I'm not sure. I betta get him back to the room so he can watch the Power Puff Girls or he might piss himself . . . again." Matt said shuddering and then pulled Jeff up from the floor.  
  
"Daddy, Jeff wants his Skittles!" Jeff said, in a childish tone and from there, he began to suck his thumb.  
  
"I ain't you're Daddy! Okay I think he's traumatized." Matt stated. looking down at Jeff, was now hugging Matt's legs for dear life.  
  
"I know how that feels. The Billion Dollar Bitch knows how to do that very well. I'm still shivering at the thought." Jericho said, as a shiver ran through him, followed by several twitches.  
  
"Oh, you have no idea! Stacy has been following me around the whole day! Now I have to go on the date with her! I am going to die." Matt cried, bursting into tears. "WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY ME!"  
  
"Oh Mattykins, is that you?!" Stacy called, peering behind the large plants that hid them from view.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Someone hide me! Please!" Matt begged, and then passed out.  
  
"OOOO, CPR! YAY!" Stacy yelled and ran over to Matt as everyone stared.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELL NO! GET OFF!" Matt screamed, as Stacy's face was inches away from his.  
  
"Damn. An inch away, an inch away! Well there's always our date." At that Matt began to shiver uncontrollably, and tried to inch further and further away from her.  
  
"Okay, I've seen enough. Back off Blondie, you're scaring the crap outta him. And about this date, I got an idea. How bout we all put the guys' names in a hat and the girls pick from it to see who's with who on the date. Sound good?" Lita suggested to the group.  
  
"But Citizen Lita, you said you were going with me!"  
  
"Tough luck, Super-dip shit. Jeff gimmie your hat. Jeff?" Lita asked, looking down at Jeff, who is still clinging onto Matt's leg, and has now begun to drool. In reply, Jeff just drooled more.  
  
"Any of you assclowns got a pen and paper?" Jericho asked, looking around at everyone.  
  
"I DO, I DO!" Stephanie screamed, as glass broke. Running up to  
  
them, along with her was, a drunken Molly Holly, and Trish Stratus, Torrie Wilson. Y2J started to twitch, and the traumatized look appeared on his face once again.  
  
"Duuuuuuuude . . . my . . . ears . . . ow . . . chill." RVD said, covering his ears as the girls reached the group. Seconds later more glass shatters.  
  
"Goodness gracious Citizen Stephanie! You've never broken that much glass before! That must be a new record." Hurricane exclaimed,  
  
gaping at her.  
  
"It wasn't me, it was him!" Stephanie accused, pointing to a figure walking towards them.  
  
"WHAT . . . the hell is going on here? What?" Austin asked coming over to them.  
  
"Group date *twitch* tomorrow night. You and Debra *twitch* are  
  
welcome to *twitch* come." Matt informed in, through a string of twitches.  
  
"Steph, gimmie the paper and pen. Thanks. Okay, the girls are choosing so give me a second to write all the guys names down." Lita said as she took a moment to write all the names down, as there were many. It seemed that there were more men than women, but it did  
  
give Lita a better chance for a semi-sane guy . . . waits there really weren't any of them. The only guy she wanted was Matt.  
  
"Agh! Men suck!" Jazz said, coming out of the gym area, followed by Dawn Marie.  
  
"It's okay to suck." Dawn Marie replied, licking her lips.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here? Isn't it enough that I beat your ass in the Divas Undressed Tournament?" Torrie sneered at Dawn Marie.  
  
"Well I'm not the one whose boyfriend was a judge!"  
  
"Don't make me shove my trophy up your ass!"  
  
"Okay you two whores, um I mean, uh, I look let's just pick from the freakin hat, kay?" Lita said, breaking up the cat fight. One by one the girls picked from the hat, although Jazz and Dawn Marie had no idea why they were doing so. Matt had his fingers crossed the whole time, praying that he wouldn't get Stacy.  
  
"YAY! YAY! MATTYPOO, YOU'RE STILL MY DATE! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! YIPPPPPPEEEEEEEEE! KISS ME YOU FOOL!"  
  
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" Matt exclaimed in sheer terror before passing out again.  
  
"Don't even try mouth to mouth whore." Lita said, and then threw water on Matt.  
  
"Well, well, well. It looks as if you and I will be going together, Citizen Lita." Hurricane said reading the name on the paper in Lita's hands. It had read Hurri-dork, and she had yet to look at it.  
  
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY?" She screamed, banging her head against the wall, and then passing out next to Matt.  
  
"Oh Jeff! You have the pleasure of taking me on a date! We're gonna have the best time. Of course, you're going to spend lots of money on me . . ." Stephanie said, trailing off. Jeff began to twitch wildly at the thought of this.  
  
"But I'll miss the Power Puff Girls! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He wailed, then he passed out next to Lita.  
  
"Hey, Rob, you look *hiccup*, different. Did you hiccup, get shorter?" Molly asked, taking a swig of her beer. "Anyway, you're my hiccup, date, so-" she said as she stumbles and falls on her butt. "Hiccup, ow. Rob, will you help me up? Rob?"  
  
"Um, uh . . . Molly . . . you're talking . . . *sniff* uh . . . to a plant, *sniff* uh. . . yeah." RVD said, helping her up.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You're uh . . . *sniff* drunk . . . uh yeah. But that's uh . . . cool, cause um, uh . . . *sniff* everything's uh . . . cool when you're . . ." He pauses momentarily to do the thumb thing, as he says his name. "Rob Van Dam!"  
  
"WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS GOING ON?" Rock asked coming up to them.  
  
"WHAT . . . is that on your face, jackass?" Austin asked The Rock.  
  
"IT'S PIE! PIE! THOSE TWO VALLEY GIRLS ARE DEAD! THEY'RE CANDY ASSES ARE MINE! THEY BRING THE ASS, I BRING THE WHUPPIN'!"  
  
"Oh Rock, you're my date for tomorrow night!" Jazz said excitedly.  
  
"WHO IN THE BLUE HELL ARE YOU? No, wait the better question is, WHAT in the blue hell are you?" Rock asked, tilting his head sideways, (like he does on TV.)  
  
"I'm um, I'm you're date for tomorrow night, Jazz. You know, former Woman's Champion."  
  
"Women's Champion? Doesn't look like it to me. I have to go on a date with you tomorrow night? Why?" Rock asked, a hint of fear  
  
evident in his voice.  
  
"It's a group date, everyone's going. And I drew your name. Don't worry, I think I can help you with you're pie problem." Jazz replied with a wink, that only made a shiver go down Rock's spine.  
  
"Great, just great. The Billion Dollar Bitch gets Jeffypoo and I get . . ." Trish said as she pauses to look at the piece of paper. "JERICHO! NOOOOOOO!"  
  
"What?" Jericho asked in bewilderment.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Would you please . . . SHUT THE HELL UP, Austin? Geez. What'd you want Trash, I mean Trish?" Jericho asked walking over to her.  
  
"You're my date dumb fuck. Just thought you should know."  
  
"DAMNIT!"  
  
"Yeah, I know, I wanted Jeff. And we all know you wanted Stephy  
  
McScank." Trish said, smirking.  
  
"WHAT?! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jericho screamed, as memories of the previous night flooded his mind.  
  
"WHAT?" Austin yelled, hoping to get a chant going.  
  
"WHAT?!!!! HOW THE HELL DID I GET BIG SHOW?!!" Torrie screamed  
  
in pure shock.  
  
"WHAT?!" Everyone yelled simultaneously.  
  
"Hey, that's my line! Don't make me open up a big 'ol can of whoop ass on ya'll!" Austin warned, popping open a can of beer.  
  
"How the hell did he get in here? I'm so not going on a date with him! What if . . . what if he sits on me?! Or I die of the smell he gives off? Huh? Huh?" Torrie asked worriedly.  
  
"Too bad, you picked him, you date him. Bwahahahahahaha! At least you didn't have to sleep with him . . ." Stephanie said shuddering, as Torrie sniffled.  
  
"Hey what about us? Don't forget about us? I already have a date!" Billy said, grabbing Chucky.  
  
"Where in the blue hell did you jabronies come from? Wait, don't answer that, The Rock has no desire to know."  
  
"You . . . you whores! I can't believe this! Now I'm dateless! How could you forget ME? WHAT ABOUT ME?!!!" Rico yelled, falling out of a broom closet nearby.  
  
"WHAT ABOUT RAVEN?!" Raven yelled, popping out of nowhere.  
  
"Ooooh, excellent style, good hair. He'll do just fine." Rico said looking Raven up and down. Rico then grabbed Raven and pulled him off somewhere, Billy and Chucky at their heels. (A/N- Sorry bout that, we couldn't resist.)  
  
"Oh good it was just a terrible, no good, very bad nightmare." Matt said, waking up and attempted to get up. He then looked around, and sees Stacy running towards him. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! The Rock says back off elf before you give him a heart attack!" The Rock reprimanded as Stacy came to a halt.  
  
"Kay." Stacy said weak voice.  
  
"That was too surreal, somebody please tell me I just did not pick the Hurri-dork for my date." Lita said, waking up and rubbing her eyes.  
  
"Um. . . Citizen Lita, you did just pick me as you're . . .  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Whoa, that was the most freakiest dream in my whole life, I thought I was going to miss the Power Puff Girls and go on a date with Steph, wow that was scary." Jeff said nervously waking up in a cold sweat.  
  
"Um. . . Jeff that was no dream you had." Stephanie informed him with a smirk.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Did everyone choose?" Matt asked as all the divas but Dawn Marie nodded.  
  
"I'm busy tomorrow night. Mr. McMahon needs me for erm, stuff."  
  
"Why the hell are you in this fic anyway? It's not like any of us like you and the authors sure as hell don't like you." Trish pointed out, as everyone else nodded.  
  
"Well um, the authors needed another diva for unexplained reasons, so here I am." (Onthaedge487- "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Live4thaXtreme- "SHUDDUP and type jackass!")  
  
"Let's see, everyone but Kurt, Edge, and Christian has a date. Well, um Kurt doesn't have to go, we just won't tell him cause he couldn't get a date even if he tried. I'll call E & C tonight and inform them about tomorrow and tell them to find dates . . ." Matt said trailing off as the rest of the group nodded.  
  
*That Night*  
  
Matt, Jeff, and to both the Hardyz dismay, Stacy were all seated in the Hardyz hotel room. Matt picked up his cell and dialed Edge's number. It rang a few times until someone finally answered.  
  
"Hello? Who deems them self worthy of speaking to me, KING OF THE WORLD?!" The voice said as Matt rolled his eyes.  
  
"Jericho, put Edge on . . . NOW." Matt said, and soon another voice came on the phone.  
  
"Hi! How are you reeking today?" Edge asked, and again Matt rolled his eyes.  
  
"Just fine thanks. I can't say the same for Jeff though; I don't think he showered today. Anyway look, tomorrow night there's a group outing . . . NO STACY, LEAVE JEFF ALONE! YOU CAN'T BRAID HIS HAIR! Sorry about that, where was I? Oh yeah tomorrow night bring a-"  
  
"CHRISTIAN, THAT'S NOT A TOY! NOOOOOOO! DAMNIT CHRISTIAN! My hair dryer, noooooooo! I'm gonna kill him. Oh sorry, go on."  
  
"I know how you feel. Jeff and Stacy are fighting and it's driving me crazy. If she doesn't get the f*ck out RIGHT NOW, YOU HERE THAT STACY RIGHT NOW, I'm gonna strangle her! Oh right back to the point, you gotta bring a- JEFF, IN THE BATHROOM, NOT OUT IN THE BALCONY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT ALL THOSE SKITTLES AFTER YOU ATE THAT DAMN CORN DOG! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME STACY! Sorry, Jeff's a bit sick and Stacy, well she's a bit dumb, red, bitchy, slutty, skanky . . ."  
  
"HEY!" Stacy yelled loudly obviously offended, loudly enough for Edge to hear her over.  
  
"Dude, we're going through the same thing right now. This totally reeks of hieniousity! Okay lemmie get this straight, there's a group 'outing' tomorrow and Christian and I are invited. What are we supposed- JERICHO GET THE HELL OOT OF MY BATHROOM! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE ON THE ROYAL THRONE, GET THE HELL OUT, YOU'RE REEKING UP THE PLACE CAUSE YOU JUST HAD TO . . . KING OF THE REEKAZIODS IS MORE LIKE IT! SO GET OOT NOW, AND PUT THE SEAT DOWN!" All of a sudden there's a slam heard from Edge's bathroom.  
  
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, THE ROYAL THRONE ATTACKED MY GOLDEN CEPTOR." Jericho shrieked, obviously in A LOT of pain.  
  
"WHAT? I'M NOT HELPING YOU! Hang on Matt, Christian, go help him out, dude cause I'm not going in there. PUT SOME ICE ON IT MAN, I'M SURE IT'LL GO DOWN SOON!" All that could be heard from the bathroom were muffled noises, and the sounds of shuffling feet. "I didn't mean it like that, bro. I meant that it'll stop the swelling."  
  
Upon hearing all of this, Matt was now cringing. "Oh I really, really didn't have to hear that. I really feel bad for us. Anyway bring a da- STACY, STOP TRYING TO LICK ME! LEAVE ME ALONE! NO I DON'T NEED CPR, I'M TOTALLY AWAKE NOW, YOU BIMBO! JEFF, FLUSH THE TOLIET WHEN YOUR DONE AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH THIS TIME!"  
  
"NO CHRISTIAN, I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOU PLAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON THE KAZZOO! UGH, JERICHO GET THE F*CK OOT NOW! YOU DIDN'T EVEN TURN ON THE FAN! USE SOME SPRAY, DUDE, AFTER YOU JUST. . . Matt, I gotta go and kick Jericho's ass, so Christian and I'll see you tomorrow. Bye! JERICHO IF YOU TOUCH MY SHAMPOO-" Edge yelled as he clicked off the phone with much frustration.  
  
"I know how you feel dude. NOOOOO NOT MY TOOTHBRUSH JEFF! GET THE HELL OUT STACY! AHHHHHHHHH! WHERE IS ALL THIS WATER COMING FROM . . . JEFFF! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THERE? JEFFF!" Matt yelled, frankly even scared to know the cause of the water that was now flooding the room.  
  
"Sorry Matty, I'll stop soon . . . GO DUCKY GO, YOU CAN BEAT MR.  
  
HEYMAN, HE'S SINKING REAL FAST ANYWAYS! MATT THE WATER DOESN'T WANNA STOP! UH OH! I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING." (A/N- By the way, Mr. Heyman is a bath toy . . . a whale to be exact)  
  
"Hello, hello, Edge? Damnit Jeff, you're drowning us all." Matt said frustrated, then looked at Stacy. "Hmmm . . . maybe that's not such a bad thing." Seconds later the phone rings and before Matt has a  
  
chance to say hello . . .  
  
"That's not a bad thing. That's a good thing!" The caller says enthusiastically, then clicks off.  
  
"DDP was that you, hello? Damnit, somebody answer me."  
  
"I can help you with that." Stacy said, flinging herself on top of him.  
  
"Get off me Stacy, I gotta call the restaurant."  
  
"RESTAURANT? MR. DUCKY SAYS WE HAVE TO EAT CHINESEEEE FOOOOOOOOD!" Jeff called from the bath tub.  
  
"WHAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A CHINESE PLACE IN CANCUN?" Matt yelled back, shaking his head in dismay.  
  
"BUT, BUT MR. DUCKY SAYSSSS WE HAVE TO!"  
  
"FINE, FINE, I CALL A DAMN CHINESE PLACE!" Matt agreed, twitching.  
  
"Well I think we should get. . ." Stacy began, looking over Matt's shoulder.  
  
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!" The Rock's *voice* boomed, yet he was nowhere in sight.  
  
"Where the hell did that come from?" Matt asked in bewilderment.  
  
"Does Mr. Ducky wanna go in the hot tub?" Jeff asked, holding the bath toy up to his ear, expecting an answer. He nodded and happily placed Mr. Ducky in the toilet. "Here I'll turn it on for you."  
  
"I found one." Matt said, reading the number in the phone book and then dialed.  
  
"Hello, welcome to nice Chinese restaurant." An employee said in a thick Chinese accent.  
  
"Yeah, hi I'd like to make a reservation for 20 people for 7'oclock tomorrow night."  
  
"Hello, welcome to nice Chinese restaurant." The employee repeated.  
  
"Yeah, you said that already. Um . . . can I make a reservation for 20 people?" Matt asked, getting slightly annoyed.  
  
"Ah . . . ok . . . this is a Chinese restaurant."  
  
"Yeah, I KNOW." Matt said, as a FLUSH could be heard coming from  
  
the bathroom.  
  
"NOOOOOOO MR. DUCKY COME BACK, WHERE'D YOU GO? THIS IS NO TIME FOR HIDE AND SEEK!" Jeff wailed, searching the toilet for his duck.  
  
"You want to make a reservation?" The employee asked, as if they were confused.  
  
"YES, DAMN IT FOR 20 PEOPLE! JEFF, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? STACY, DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO GET THE F OUT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING NOW?"  
  
"Reservations for 20 people?"  
  
"YES DAMNIT, STACY GET OFF THE TABLE, I'M NOT THE KING, I DON'T LIKE TRASH LIKE YOU!"  
  
The King, who happened to be passing by, poked his head in the open door to the hotel room and yelled, "PUPPIES!" He then proceeded to seizure.  
  
"But Matt, I got leggggssss." Stacy said, and then held up one of overly long legs. She lost her balance and then falls off the table knocking herself unconscious.  
  
"Oh ok, so reservations for 20 to eat?"  
  
"YES, MAN THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY!" Matt yelled, as  
  
he began to cry.  
  
"DUCKY, WHERE'D YOU GO, I NEED YOU NOW!" Jeff whined, as he stuck his head in the toilet. "UH OH, ME IS IN TROUUUUBLE . . . MATTTTTT!"  
  
"Ok, you want 20 people to eat, yes?"  
  
"YES, AT 7 TOMORROW NIGHT, I HAVE TO GO NOW, BUH BYE!" Matt yelled into the phone and hurriedly hung up. "WHAT NOW JEFF?"  
  
"AH IS STUCK . . . *flush* . . . WOOOOO THIS IS FUN, YOU SHOULD  
  
TRY IT SOMETIME! SWIRLIE! SWIRLIE!"  
  
"WHAT THE HELL NOW? YOU KNOW, MY LIFE IS SHIT!" Matt exclaimed, getting up and walking to the bathroom.  
  
"UH OH MATTTTT, IS THE WATER SUPPOSED TO KEEP COMING OUT LIKE THIS?"  
  
Matt enters the bathroom, and upon seeing Jeff, bangs his head on the wall multiple times. "HOLD ON JEFF, I'LL GET YOU OUT . . . EVENTUALLY. AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH STACY ANY LONGER." He grabs Jeff's legs and starts pulling.  
  
"Oh Matty, where are you?" Stacy called from the bedroom, somehow coming out of her unconscious state. Seconds later she passed out again, the brothers completely unaware. Hearing her voice was just enough to make Matt pass out himself . . . and he did.  
  
Matty? Matty? Hello? Anybody?" Jeff asked, feeling alone. A few hours later, Jeff is asleep with his head in the toilet, although he didn't seem to mind much.  
  
Onthaedg487- "DAMN. That was long!"  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "Oh well but I can't believe we did that to Matt and Jeff, even though I thought it was really funny but that's just me."  
  
Onthaedg487- "Well it was just to set up the group date, so it wasn't supposed to be THAT funny dumb ass."  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "I'm not a dumb ass, I'm a fruity penguin! Haha, you're not a penguin, you're just a fruit!" *dances and waddles around the room*  
  
Onthaedge487- "Yeah I'm not a penguin, but I'm also not mentally unstable." *snaps fingers*  
  
APA- "You rang?"  
  
Onthaedge487- "Yeah, I . . . uh . . . need you to take care of something."  
  
Bradshaw- "How many is it this time?"  
  
Onthaedge487- "Just her." *points to Live4thaXtreme who's still waddling around like a fruit loop*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "I'M A FRUITY PENGUIN! I'M A FRUITY PENGUIN! YIPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
Faarooq- "Well I'll be damned. There really is someone fruitier than Angle! And they said it couldn't be done!"  
  
Onthaedge487- "Yes well, if you don't mind getting rid of her, like um, NOW!"  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "No, not again, not the leash, AHHHHHHHHHHHH . . ."  
  
Bradshaw- "Fine." *they pick up Live4thaXtreme and throw her outside in a nearby dumpster*  
  
Onthaedge487- "That's what you get for shoving a moldy, dirty, filthy, disgusting, sock in my mouth! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Mankind- *somewhere far away* "Mr. Socko? Mr. Socko? MR. SOCKO?!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Faarooq- "Anyways, payment?"  
  
Onthaedge487- "Right, here's your keg Bradshaw, and here's yours Faarooq. Thanks, but I'll be needing your assistance when my little brother gets home so why not stay."  
  
Bradshaw- "Sure." *pops open his beer*  
  
Faarooq- "Anyone up for some poker? *pulls out deck of cards*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- *muffled noises from dumpster*  
  
Onthaedge478- *deals cards* "Oh and for those of you who are actually reading this, we'll get another chapter up as soon as possible, but school's starting and all. *shivers* The next chapter'll have the group date in its entirety, and hopefully will be more funny. We know it's taking forever to get through this, I mean its chapter 7 & we just finished day 3! We'll uh, try to speed it up for you. Maybe day 4 will only be one chapter! Wishful thinking." *sweat drop*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- *from dumpster* "Damn it smells in here. Is that a banana? No, no it's not; I was really off, EWWWWWWWWWW! Any who, if you have any ideas for this story or want to see a superstar do something, or make an appearance, just write it in your review. *hint, hint* HEY, I GOT OUT OF THE DUMPSTER! YAY! HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW! I'M STILL A FRUITY-"  
  
Onthaedge487- *throws shoe though window & it hits Live4thaXtreme & she falls back into dumpster* "Quiet down there! Now, how bout the loser takes out the trash?" *talking to APA, and indicating the dumpster outside*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- *unconscious*  
  
Onthaedge487- "Can you guys please tell the readers out there what that fruit was attempting to say?"  
  
APA- "PLEASE READ & REVIEW, or we'll beat you're asses to the ground!" 


	8. AN & Group Date Seating Chart

Chapter 8 Author's Notes & Group Date Seating Chart  
  
Onthaedge487- "Hey guyz, this is just the seating chart for the group date (like you give a damn.) It made the other chapter WAY too long so we just decided to put it up first."  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "We've started on the 8th (well now 9th) chapter but it's not that great & we're hoping you guyz could help us out in the idea department. Tell us the crazy things you wanna see happen on the group date & we'll add em in."  
  
Onthaedge487- "HOLD UP! DID YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING NORMAL?!" *Live4thaXtreme shrugs* "Well, I suppose hell has frozen over and pigs learned to fly." *Live4thaXtreme glares at her* "Oh, and for all the people who were pissed off about the group date pairings, um don't worry about it. It's all in humor & there hopefully will be some funny parts with the pairings, which are JUST FOR THE DATE, may I add. E & C will have dates, but um ya may not be too happy with em, but we'll see what we can do. IT'S FOR HUMOR I TELL YA!"  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "Don't forget to tell them about our guest appearances-" *Onthaedge487 smacks her upside the head*  
  
Onthaedge487- "YOU FOOL! They're not supposed to know about that! Dumb ass!" *angry mumbling* "Well um, just take a look at the seating chart, and we'll HOPEFULLY get a FUNNY chapter up for you guyz SOON! Well that's wishful thinking isn't it?"  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "Yeah, yeah!" *leaves* "THE FRUITY PENGUIN HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!" She yells from down the block, heading for the dumpster.  
  
Onthaedge487- *mumbles* "Complete and total assclown. Anywayz, ideas & stuff like that would be great! So help us out and tell us what you wanna see! Buh byes!" *big waves to AWESOME reviewers*  
  
A/N 2- Yeah we know we're suck ups. Hey at least we admit it. We'll say it one more time, WE NEED IDEAS! FUNNY ONES! WRITERS BLOCK SUX! SO DOES SCHOOL, THAT'S WHAT WE BLAME THE LACK OF INSPIRATION ON! And the damn chart we made to make it easier for you won't show up on fanfiction.net so this will have to do . . . Read on!  
  
(Across from them are . . .)  
  
1. Matt 1. Steph  
  
2. Stacy 2. Jeff  
  
3. Lita 3. Trish  
  
4. Hurricane 4. Y2J  
  
5. Rock 5. Edge  
  
6. Jazz 6. Edge's Date?  
  
7. RVD 7.Christian  
  
8. Molly 8. Christian's Date?  
  
9. Debra 9.Big Show  
  
10. Austin 10. Torrie  
  
  
  
The same # means they're across form each other & if they're in the same column (1- 10) means their on the same side of the table.  
  
  
  
~Onthaedge487 & Live4thaXtreme 


	9. The Chaos Begins The Group Date Part 1 B...

WWE- Spring Break in Cancun  
  
Chapter 9  
  
The Chaos Begins (The Group Date -Part 1 Bwahahahaha!)  
  
Day 4 (First Part . . . BWAHAHAHAHA!)  
  
Disclaimer-  
  
Onthaedge487- "Hey Faarooq, do you fold?"  
  
Faarooq- "YOU STOLE ALL MY MONEY! WOOF!" *throws cards down on table*  
  
Onthaedge487- *wipes spit off face* "I'll take that as a yes. PAY UP!"  
  
Bradshaw- "YA CAN'T MAKE US, YOU DON'T OWN US, OR ANY OF THE OTHER SUPERSTARS, REMEMBER?"  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T OWN SHIT, SUCKA!"  
  
Booker T- *pops in* "Now can you dig that SUCKA?!" *pops out*  
  
Onthaedge487- "Damn, that's right. Well neither do you, so shuddup! How bout another round then?"  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER, ONTHAEDGE487!"  
  
Onthaedge487- "SHUDDUP." *throws lamp out the window.*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "HA, YA MISSED, YA MISSED, HOW DO YA LIKE ME-" *gets hit by a large plant*  
  
Onthaedge487- "I DIDN'T MISS THIS TIME YA FRUIT LOOP! HOW DO YA LIKE THAT? AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP SAYING HARDCORE HOLLY'S CATCH PHARSE? IT'S PISSING ME OFF!"  
  
Bradshaw- "You got any more beer?"  
  
Austin- *pops in* "WHAT? BEER? WHAT?"  
  
Onthaedge487- "Nope, Austin drank it all but I got some white zinfandel. Oh wait, I drank all that too. . ."  
  
Faarooq- "DAMN!"  
  
Austin- "WHAT? THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DRINK? WHAT?"  
  
Kurt Angle- *pops in* "I have some refreshing milk that we all can drink!" *pulls out carton of milk*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "I FOUND SOMETHIN' IN HERE THAT LOOKS LIKE KOOL-AID, IF I CAN INTREST YA?! AND AS FOR YOU ANGLE, GUESS WHO I FOUND DOWN HERE?" *yelling from dumpster below the window*  
  
Angle- "Who, WHO?"  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "Your dumb ass stuffed piece of shit bunny! I think something's getting jiggy with your bunny, though!"  
  
Angle- "MR. FLUFFUMS! NOOOOOOOOO! I'LL SAVE YOU!" *jumps out the window, & lands in the dumpster five flights below*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "YOU ONLY LIVE IN A ONE STORY HOUSE, WHERE THE HELL DID THE FIVE FLIGHTS COME FROM?"  
  
Onthaedge487- "Shhhh, nobody needed to know that, I just wanted to torture Angle. Now shut the hell up."  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "MAKE ME!  
  
Onthaedge487- "Oh that's it . . ." *with the help of Austin & APA they throw a big screen TV at Live4thaXtreme *  
  
Live4thaXtreme- *unconscious . . . AGAIN and foaming at the mouth for some odd reason*  
  
Bradshaw- "Can we get on with the story? PLEASE?"  
  
Onthaedge487- "Oh right, I forgot about that. Don't mind us people we're just psycho as Edge kindly told us before. DAMNIT EDGE WHY COULDN'T YOU TAKE ME WITH YOU? *cries* Um, yeah read on people."  
  
*WARNING*  
  
There is some strong Language in this chapter, as well as some *gross* parts (it's not TOO bad). You'll see what we mean . . . we are apologizing for anything that may offend anyone, or may gross anyone out in advance. Um, we kinda wrote most of this at late hours, so we were tired, crazy & hyper. Oh & sorry for not updating in SO long! How long has it been now? *shrugz* We were working on this in the summer, and now it's well into the school year. We had a bad case of writer's block, & no time to work on this. We'll we're back if anyone missed us . . . so read on!  
  
*The night of the date*  
  
"Dude, are you sure this is the right restaurant, where is everybody?" Christian asked looking up at the small Chinese restaurant.  
  
"I don't know bro; Matt told me this was the place." Edge answered. Seconds later, Matt and Stacy arrive. Matt bolts for Edge and Christian, running at top speed.  
  
"STACY, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! NO, NO I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU'RE FREAKING LEGS! WHHHYYY? Oh hey guys, you made it."  
  
"Totally, but this place reeks of stinkitude! I don't want to eat here!" Christian pouted, as his lip began to tremble. Oh yes another one of his infamous tantrums was ahead.  
  
"But Matty, wait for meeeeee!" Stacy exclaimed, running after Matt but tripped over herself, and in turn fell flat on her face. "OUCH! My face!"  
  
"Yeah, you're not the only one who's hurting." Matt said, in a half satisfied tone. Steph and Jeff are the next pair to arrive.  
  
"POWER PUFF GIRLS, I'M MISSING MY FAVORITE EPISODE, NOOOOOOO AND PLUS NOBODY GOT ME SKITTLES! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH." Jeff wailed, now in tears.  
  
"It'll be okay Jeff; I promise we'll have a fun time tonight and you'll forget all about those damn Power Puff Girls." Stephanie attempted to shout over the racket Jeff was making. Just then Molly and RVD, Jazz and Rock, Trish and Y2J, Torrie and Big Show, and Debra and Austin arrive. (Nice timing guys and a helluva lot less work for the authors.)  
  
"Where are you're dates, juniors?" Y2J asked smugly referring to Edge and Christian.  
  
"Dude, what are you talking aboot?" Edge asked nervously, his Canadian accent becoming noticeable.  
  
"Yeah, man?" Christian said, in bewilderment.  
  
"You were supposed to bring dates . . . yeah . . . ha . . . ha." Rob informed and proceeded to take another sniff of his white out. Talk about obsessions . . .  
  
"Unless you two jabronies are together." The Rock suggested. "WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE DATES?" Christian yelled kicking a trash can to the ground. They then see a black cat walking out of it. Christian flinches at the sight of it.  
  
"You, hiccup, aren't, hiccup, su . . . su . . . super . . . sty . . . superstitious, hiccup, are you, hiccup?" Molly slurred, through several hiccups. She crunched her empty beer can and threw it to the ground.  
  
"Black cat running a . . . way." Christian stuttered.  
  
"Dude, we're not together but somebody didn't tell us we needed to be here with dates." Edge said a hint of annoyance in his voice.  
  
"I'm sorry dude, but you know our room turned into an aquarium." Matt explained, glaring at Jeff. Jeff gave a shy smile and a small wave to everyone before turning to his brother.  
  
"But Mr. Ducky was drowning." Jeff whimpered, remembering the previous night's events.  
  
"YO, YO, alright we'll be right back; we'll go and find dates." Edge said, as he grabbed a frozen Christian. As Edge and Christian leave to find dates, Hurricane and Lita pull up in the Hurri-Cycle.  
  
"It took us long enough, you mother *beep* son of a *beep*, *beep* licking, bitch." Lita swore, and chucked her helmet at Hurricane. (A/N- Sorry about all the *beeps*. Not to sound like RTC, but we do have the right to censor, people!!!)  
  
"I'm sorry citizen Lita, it's not my fault that the Hurri-cycle broke down, so we had to push it to a gas station and you had to use the rest of your money."  
  
"DON'T REMIND ME, YOU SON BITCH." Lita roared, her cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red. Wow, was she pissed.  
  
"Can we go in now cause frankly she's scaring the living shit outta me." Trish asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.  
  
"Oh you want some of this too?" Lita asked, her tone becoming even more edgy.  
  
"Please no, I'm still hurting from last time." Trish replied nervously as they walked inside the restaurant.  
  
"Welcome to nice Chinese restaurant, how may we help you?" an employee asked.  
  
"Hi, I made reservations for 20 people. It should be under the name Matt Hardy."  
  
"Oh ok, welcome to nice Chinese restaurant. Do you wish to eat, ya?"  
  
"Oh here we go, I MADE RESERVATIONS FOR 20 GOD DAMN PEOPLE TO EAT DAMNIT." Matt repeated irritably.  
  
"Ooooooooh, I see, would you like to eat?" The employee asked, with a thick Chinese accent.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL, MY LIFE IS A PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT. THAT'S IT EVERYBODY FOLLOW ME CAUSE I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE." Matt yelled, as tears brim in his eyes as he begins to twitch yet again. Everyone follows Matt to a long table seating 20 people, 10 on each side. The seating chart is in chapter 8, sorry. Heh . . .  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
Edge and Christian are walking down a dark deserted street, hoping to find full on scorch cakes to accompany them to the 'group date'. The street was completely silent except for Christian's stifled sobs and the pounding of their footsteps on the pavement.  
  
"Dude, do you hear something?" Christian asked, completely panic stricken. He looked around nervously, hoping to locate the noise.  
  
"Huh? No dude lay off the pie."  
  
"BUT IT WAS SOOOOOOO GOOD!" Christian exclaimed.  
  
"Yea, and the Rock is so totally gonna kick our asses for that little stunt we pulled. Dude, get off me!" Edge said, trying to detach Christian from his left arm. "Off the merchandise, I need that for the ladies!"  
  
"What ladies? The only lady that loves ya is yo mamma! Hey dawg, you've just been punked, yo!" Christian yelled, making ghetto hand motions.  
  
"Dude, SHUT THE HELL UP! You're a Canadian, dumbass. AND WE HAVE THE SAME MOTHER, YOU PIECE OF BLOND SHIT!"  
  
"Oh. Well Grandma Edna loves me more, YO, yes she does, yes she does!" Christian stated a psychotic glint in his eye.  
  
"Suuuuure she does. Over course, the women constantly calls you Christina, and buys you those pretty frilly dresses for the tea party with the stuffed animals . . ." Edge trailed off as Christian's face turned a brilliant shade of red.  
  
"NO ONE'S SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT! Besides, I only have to wear the dr . . . outfits when we visit her! I don't- do you hear something? I think we're being followed dude!" Christian cowered behind his brother in fear.  
  
"Dude, it's nothing. Hold up, I gotta tie my shoes." They paused; as Edge bent down to tie his shoe. Every so often Christian snuck a nervous glance over his shoulder.  
  
"How long does it take you to tie your freaking shoe?"  
  
"Uh . . . I'm having issues. Damn laces!"  
  
"What the . . . ?" Christian trialed off, as he gaped open mouth at a large bush a few feet behind them, sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. "Dude, was that bush there before?" Christian asked, rubbing his eyes, to make sure his vision wasn't blurred.  
  
"What the hell are you . . . oh. I don't remember that there. Oh well, maybe we didn't see it." Edge said shrugging it off. As they proceeded on their journey to find dates, Christian stopped abruptly, causing Edge to run into him.  
  
"Edge, are you walking?"  
  
"No, are you?"  
  
"Dude, I'm in front of you! Of course I'm not walking! If you're not walking, and I'm not walking, then who do those footsteps belong to?" No sooner had the words come out of Christian's mouth, when both he and Edge were tackled from behind to the ground. They hit the pavement hard, having no idea what had occurred.  
  
"Christian, did you hit me?"  
  
"Owwww, someone's sitting on my . . . owwwwwww!" Christian exclaimed. "What the . . . BILLY AND CHUCK? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? AND CHUCK DO YOU MIND GETTING OFF ME, OR AT LEAST SHIFTING YOU'RE WEIGHT! Oi vey, thank you." Christian got up and dusted himself off, Edge following his suit.  
  
"That was so totally heinous! Now our clothes are dirty!" Edge exclaimed, brandishing a finger at Billy and Chuck. "And would you please explain why you jumped us?" Billy and Chuck looked at each other for a moment, and smirked.  
  
"We heard you were looking for dates." Billy said, moving closer to Edge. Chuck nodded, as he too advanced on Christian.  
  
"Huh? What the hell is going on?" Christian asked, in an extremely confused state. It seemed, when he fell he had hit his head pretty hard, most likely causing the loss of brain cells. Chuck continued to move closer, and smirked.  
  
"If you don't know, I'll show you." He grabbed Christian's arm, attempting to pull him away, but Christian wouldn't budge.  
  
"Show me what?"  
  
"Oh this will be fun, I promise." Chuck said seductively. Billy, who now had Edge cornered up against the wall, was trying to persuade Edge into letting him be his date. Edge gulped back a lump that had been forming in his throat.  
  
"Come on Edge, it's just, you look SO good to me!" Billy exclaimed, hoping the rather cheesy line would convince the Canadian.  
  
"Christian . . . HELP!" Edge squeaked out. Christian looked up with curiosity.  
  
"To help Edge or not to help Edge, that is the question." Christian pondered. "Nahhh. So Chuck, you haven't seen any black cats around have you?"  
  
"Look Edge, I'm better than ANY scorch cake! Look at me, you know I look good. You can't deny it!" Billy declared, flexing his muscles in front of a horrified Edge.  
  
"Look dudes, we, we uh already have dates. Yea that's it. They're waiting for us right now. Yup, come Christian, let's go." Edge said, moving away from Billy and grabbing Christian's arm, as they both began to run at high speed. Once they were sure Billy and Chuck were out of sight, they stopped to catch their breath. (A/N- Sorry the whole thing w/Billy & Chuck sucked, it was based on a really good idea from only1teamXtreme, but we kinda changed it around a little & it didn't come out as good as we wanted. If we offended anyone in this chap we apologize! We actually like Billy & Chuck; it was just funnier this way.)  
  
"Hey Christian, let's split up and we'll meet back at the restaurant." Edge suggested, looking at his brother.  
  
"WHAT? Dude, I can't wander the streets alone besides you know what might happen." Christian said nervously, glancing at Edge.  
  
"What are you talking aboot? What will happen?"  
  
"Dude, the black cat was a sign, it had bright yellow eyes and. . . and . . . . and you just can't leave me alone. And what if we don't find dates?" Christian begged, beginning to shake. "I guess we could always go with Billy and Chuck . . . but then people might get the wrong idea . . ." Christian said aloud.  
  
"Uh, whatever, dude, oooooooh full on scorch cake dead ahead, later dude." Edge said, tilting his sunglasses so he could check out the scorch cake  
  
"Noooo not if I get to her first!" Christian exclaimed, and started to run at a rapid pace and accidentally runs into her, knocking her down. "OW, WHAT THE HELL? CAN'T YOU WALK YOU FREAK?" The 'scorch cake' yelled, dropping her cell.  
  
"I'm sorry, but my stupid brother, wasn't looking where he was going." Edge apologized. The scorch cake had her back to them, collecting the spilled contents from her purse and her cell phone.  
  
"Yeah, sorry, but would you like to. . ." Christian began timidly.  
  
"Go on a date with me?" Edge asked bluntly. The 'scorch cake turned around, and to E & C's surprise it is . . .  
  
"DAWN MARIE!!" Edge and Christian exclaimed simultaneously.  
  
"Um. . . Mr. McMahon, can you hold on a minute? Wait did one of you guys just ask me out on a date?" Dawn asked, with a confused look on her face.  
  
"Yeah, me." E&C said at the same time, yet again.  
  
"Oh ok, um . . . Mr. McMahon, I'm gonna have to cancel our plans tonight, something really important just up."  
  
"DAWN, DAWN, WHAT THE HELL IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR PLANS TONIGHT, DAMNIT. YOU'RE. . . YOU'RE . . . FFFFFFF." McMahon yelled, as Dawn clicks off.  
  
"So let me get this straight, both of you want to go out with me?"  
  
"Yup." E&C answered simultaneously.  
  
"Oh, ok well I'll go with you Edge." Dawn decided  
  
"YESSSSSS, dude, you lost, I won, I won!" Edge exclaimed, doing that sexy Cheshire cat grin that we all know and love.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO, I LOST, I LOST!" Christian yelled and prepared to throw a tantrum.  
  
"What the hell, you're making him throw ANOTHER tantrum?" Live4thaXtreme yelled as she looks at the computer screen.  
  
"What? I think Christian looks hot when he's all pissed off." Onthaedge487 replied.  
  
"Hey, who the hell are you?" Edge asked, trying to follow the voices. Christian simply sniffled, and looked up at the sky in awe.  
  
"The authors, you sexy blond Canadian." Onthaedge487 answered, suddenly appearing in thin air. "Come here Edgey . . ." She said, as she advanced on him, licking her lips. Edge gulped, this was getting freaky.  
  
"Hey WAIT FOR ME, YA SPUD!" Suddenly Live4thaXtreme popped into the nearby trash can, next to Christian. "DAMN IT, WHY DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN?! I can neva get the landing right! Grrrr . . ."  
  
"Now I'm scared . . ." Christian sobbed as a fresh batch of tears flooded his cheeks.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"Uh . . . Onthaedge487, you wanna handle that one?"  
  
"Um, sure." She answered glaring at Live4thaXtreme. "We're here . . . um, we're here . . . oh I know! We're here to provide scorch cakes for Christian!" Onthaedge487 exclaimed, proud that she had come up with something under pressure. Seconds later, two girls popped up looking almost identical to the authors . . . older altar egos you could say, across the street. Christian, who had not heard this, was still teary eyed, as Dawn Marie continually supplied him with tissues . . . from the trash.  
  
"Dude, get a grip, look there's some scorch cakes over there across the street sitting on a bench." Edge informed. The authors, realizing their job was done, nodded and got ready to leave. Live4thaXtreme popped out first, and then Onthaedge487. But just before she was about to leave she gave Edge a quick pinch in the butt. Before he even knew what had happened, poof she was gone.  
  
"Oooooooooooh." Christian said, finally realizing what his brother had told him. He began to run across the street to two girls, and realized one was talking on a cell while the other reading a WWE magazine... "Yes, some fan girls!"  
  
"Oooooooooh. They look so HOT in this pic! Hello, Melinda looky, looky, it's. . ." Amanda visibly starts to drool as she brandishes the magazine in her friends face.  
  
"SHUDDUP YA FRUIT, I'M TRYING TO SEE IF WE CAN GET TICKETS TO THE NEXT PAY- PER-VIEW COMING UP!" Melinda yelled bearing her teeth, as Amanda recoiled, whimpering.  
  
"But . . . but look at this really, really HOT picture of . . . the Hardyz, Edge and Christian, Y2J and Hurricane."  
  
"Finally some girls who actually like me! I LUV CANCUN! HEY, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WALKING HERE, YOU REEKAZOID?!" Christian yelled, as several cars drive past him narrowly hitting him.  
  
"GET OUTTA THE ROAD, YOU FRUIT CAKE; WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?" An angry driver yelled and angrily flips Christian the bird.  
  
"SCOREEEEEEEEEEEE, WE GOT THE TICKETS, EVEN THOUGH THEY SUCK!" Melinda shouted at the top of her lungs. She climbed on top of the bench and did a victory dance. Amanda would have joined in but she was busy drowning in her own puddle of drool to notice.  
  
"It should be illegal to be that freaking HOT!" Amanda mumbled, staring at her picture. Finally Christian reaches the girls, although he is a little frazzled.  
  
"Hey either one of you girls wanna go on a date with me?" Christian asked breathlessly, sweating profusely.  
  
"HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE. . . YOU'RE. . ." Amanda screamed in shock, breathing heavily.  
  
Melinda, in total shock and surprise, drops her cell phone. "SHIT, YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT, BUDDY!" She yelled at Christian, as she looked down at what she thought was her busted cell phone.  
  
"BUT IT'S . . . IT'S. . . HOLD ON!" Amanda screeched, nearly making Christian go deaf. She grabs a paper bag from a near by trash can and hyper ventilates. "CHR. . . CHR. . . CHRIST. . . CHRISTIAN!"  
  
"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF HE'S ELVIS; OR THE FREAKING QUEEN OF ENGLAND! I WANT YOU TO PAY UP NOW, SUCKAAAA!"  
  
"Now I'm scared, but would either of you like to go out on a date with me?" Christian asked, trembling in his boots.  
  
"I'D LOVE TO . . ." Amanda replied, and then passes out.  
  
"A. . . I would but. . ." Melinda started but also passes out because someone who shall remain nameless, *cough, Amanda, cough* threw a television at her and did I mention a very large plant. Therefore she has, let's just say a few concussions.  
  
"Damn it, just my luck, fucking cat, I hope her cell phone's still working." Christian picks up Melinda's cell and calls Matt.  
  
"Ello?" Matt asked on the other line.  
  
"Dude, um. . . I got a problem; two girls I tried to ask out are now unconscious." Christian said rather ashamed of the situation.  
  
"Did you hit them with a chair?"  
  
"Dude, course not, but could you send somebody to help me, like now?"  
  
"Ahhh, sureeeeeeeeeee, I can do that for you, somebody will be, wait where are you?" Matt asked, as he tried unlatching Stacy from his left arm.  
  
"I'm um . . . hold on." Christian said, unsure. He looks around for anything familiar, and sees a restaurant. "Nice Chinese Restaurant he read the sign aloud." A light blush crept over his face. He'd thought he had been lost for good. "Oh I'm across the street, I knew that."  
  
"Alright, somebody's coming to help ya."  
  
"Thanks." Christian sighed, and hung up.  
  
*In the restaurant*  
  
"HEY MATT, WHO CALLED?" Big Show yelled from the other end of the table.  
  
"Oh it was only Christian; he needs some help across the street." Matt answered, putting his phone back in his pocket. Just then, Edge finally arrives at the restaurant with Dawn.  
  
"Dude, what happened, did something bad happen?" Edge asked a hint of worry in his voice. He had overheard Matt say Christian called, and wanted to know what was up. "Christian isn't known to be the brightest crayon in the box ya know." Edge said.  
  
"No, he's just across the street with two unconscious fan girls. He needs somebody's help though." Matt replied, shaking his head dismissively. The superstars then see a figure slowly walking toward them with the assistance of a walker.  
  
"Hey guys, what's up?" The person asked cheerfully.  
  
"WHAT? I SAID WHAT? SPEAK UP TERRI; I CAN'T HEAR YA FROM DOWN HERE!"  
  
"BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS AUSTIN; I WASN'T EVEN TALKING TO YOU!" Terri screamed, giving the Texas Rattle Snake the Bird.  
  
"WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN?!"  
  
"Now Steve, calm down, she's just a crotchety old woman. She doesn't know what she's saying; she probably escaped from the nursing home honey. Let's just look at our menus, okay?" Debra said soothingly, yet rather firmly.  
  
"Yes dear." Austin agreed.  
  
"CAN YOU SAY WHIPPED? WAHTSH!" Y2J shouted, making whipping noises and hand movements, as Austin gives him a death stare  
  
"I gotta . . . hiccup . . . get me . . . hiccup some beer. NOW!" Molly said, nearly falling out of her chair.  
  
"Me too." Austin said, rubbing his beer belly.  
  
"When did you start using a walker, Terri?" Lita asked, looking at her fellow Diva oddly.  
  
"Well I only need to use it when I walk long distances, like to the parking lot . . . or to the bathroom."  
  
"Hey, Terri wanna do us a favor?" Edge asked, giving her puppy dog eyes. Now that was enough to make any girl melt . . . or piss their pants, which ever came first.  
  
"I'd do anything for you Edge." Terri replied, beginning to drool.  
  
"HEY, QUIT LOOKIN AT MY MAN!" Dawn screeched, getting up and slapping Terri.  
  
Terri in turn falls down at the hard hit that Dawn just gave her. "HEY, YOU BITCH, YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO THE SHE-DEVIL! Ouch, you . . . you . . . little wannabe slut! Why aren't you assisting Mr. McMahon with something?" Terri spat vehemently. With the help of her walker she was able to get up, and whack Dawn with it, knocking Dawn down.  
  
"That's it." Dawn said rather annoyed, getting up. She was about to push Terri down once more, but Edge gets between them.  
  
"Wait a minute, Um. . . Terri could you be a doll and help Christian across the street, he needs someone's assistance and I think you would be perfect for the job." Edge said sweetly, giving her a winning smile.  
  
"Alright, I'll go just for you and to get away from that piece of trash. Bye boys!" Terri waves flirtatiously at Matt, Edge and Jeff, and then slowly turns around with her walker, and about twenty minutes later is out the door.  
  
*Meanwhile*  
  
"Where the hell is the help I sent for? It's been like a half hour since I called! I WON'T STAND FOR THIS! NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR!" Christian cried, and yet again throws a tantrum. About ten minutes later, he is approached by a woman.  
  
"Um, Christian, could you stop flailing your arms about like that, you almost hit me."  
  
"Terri? Terri? What the hell are you doing here?" Christian asked, pausing in mid-tantrum.  
  
"I'm here to help you! So what do I have to do? Take off my clothes? I can do that, I can!" Terri exclaimed, and went to unbutton her shirt.  
  
"HELL NO! Look, I need real help, some one who can help me carry these girls! NOT SOME ONE WHO CAN BEARLY WALK! AHHHHHHHH! I'LL KILL EDGE!" He yelled then grabs the cell. Christian dials Matt's number, mumbling incoherently to himself as he does so.  
  
"Hello?" Matt asked, although he seemed to have a pretty good idea of who the caller could be.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL, I ASKED FOR HELP NOT A CRICKETY CRACKETY OLD BATALAX, WHO ALMOST BROKE A HIP TRYING TO CROSS THE FREAKING STREET. STOP FLASHING ME TERRI, DAMNIT I DON'T NEED SEE THOSE WRINKLY, OLD, PRUNY. . ." Christian trailed off, grossing himself out.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHH, dude stop, you're scaring me, I'm gonna have nightmares for the rest of my life and it was Edge's idea to send her not me so don't start yelling at me." Matt said, shaking the images of Terri out of his mind. The last thing he needed was to go blind or totally insane.  
  
"AT LEAST YOU CAN'T SEE THEM, WHAT THE HELL, PUT EDGE ON THE PHONE NOW BEFORE I HAVE A HEART ATTACK." Christian yelled, as he began to hyper ventilate.  
  
"Dude, I hate to tell this but I think you already are. And what the HELL ARE YOU DOING JEFF! PUT THE STRAW DOWN! NO, NOT THERE!"  
  
"PUT EDGE ON THE PHONE!!!!"  
  
"Alright, alright hold on. STACY NOT NOW, DAMN IT!" There was a pause as Matt tried to detangle himself from Stacy. From the other line Christian could hear what sounded like a crash, like something shattered, then someone saying 'Whoopsy.' "YES JEFF THAT WAS A VALUEABLE PLATE, WHY? OH SHIT, NOT AGAIN JEFF!" Matt yelled as he distractedly passed the phone to Edge, and then tended to the large mess his brother had just made.  
  
"Hey Christian, how's it hanging?" Edge asked nonchalantly.  
  
"HOW'S IT HANGING? IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY? YOU DORK CHOP, YOU SENT ME A FREAKING DINOSAUR! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"  
  
"Dude, I thought dinosaurs were extinct."  
  
"WELL SHE SHOULD BE, NOW SEND ME SOME REALLLL HELP OR I'LL DYE YOUR HAIR PINK WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING!" Christian yelled, so loud Edge had to hold the phone away from his ear.  
  
"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Edge squeaked out, imagining his long blond locks being dyed a horrid shade of pink.  
  
"What's wrong with pink? I happen to think it's a very nice color." Jeff commented.  
  
"Here, here!" Y2J agreed, nodding his head at the younger Hardy. "I love to be Pretty in Pink . . . Oh bloody hell; did I just say that out loud?" Jericho said, as he began to turn a brilliant shade of red. Everyone was laughing and pointing at him, much to his dismay.  
  
"Oh and did I ever tell you guys I dyed Matt's hair blonde?" Jeff asked absently.  
  
"And you will pay for that Jeff." Matt promised.  
  
"Noooo, I just needed a test dummy." Jeff whined, not wanted to get a beating later.  
  
"You calling me a dummy?" Matt asked, glaring at his younger brother.  
  
"HEY I CAN'T HEAR CHRISTIAN WHINNING, SHUDDUP!" Edge yelled, and a silence fell over the table.  
  
"Sorry." Matt and Jeff said simultaneously.  
  
"JUST SEND SOMEBODY TO HELP ME NOW!!" Christian yelled, and then hung up.  
  
"Hello, hello, he hung up on me, that whore." Edge said glaring down at the phone.  
  
"I would be more than happy to help Citizen Christian. Where is he?" Hurricane offered, jumping up from his seat.  
  
"Dude he's across the street." Edge informed, as smirks and chuckles spread throughout the table. "Oh I see, well I'll be back before you know it." Hurricane assures the group. He does a heroic superhero pose, and adjusts his cape.  
  
"Good, take as long as you like, I'll be alright by myself." Lita said, trying to hide her happiness. Hurricane winked at her, then rushed out to go and help Christian.  
  
"Stand back there's a Hurricane coming through! Have no fear Citizen Christian, the Hurricane is here!"  
  
"Great, they send me the hurri-dork. Who next? Stacy, wait she wouldn't leave Matt's side for anything." Christian sighed, shaking his head.  
  
"So Citizen Christian, what do you need assistance with?"  
  
"Well somebody was supposed to help with these two unconscious girls but now I'm thinking that Terri needs some help."  
  
"What are you talking about I do not need any help." Terri assured him.  
  
"So what would you like me to do, Citizen Christian?" Hurricane asked.  
  
"Just help me carry these two back to the restaurant." Christian said pointing to Amanda and Melinda's prone figures.  
  
"I can do that." Hurricane said, puffing out his chest with pride. Hurricane picked up Melinda and Christian puts Amanda over one shoulder as they walk back to the restaurant. Terri is struggling to walk along side them, but fails to do so.  
  
"Wait up you two; I can't cross the street by myself." Terri calls to their retreating figures.  
  
"Tough luck." Christian said. He was in no mood to wait for her; it would take her ages to cross the street.  
  
"But, but . . ." Terri whimpered.  
  
"Sucks to be you, don't it?" Christian said dully and continued walking. Hurricane, being the superhero that he is, pulled on Christian's arm. "What?"  
  
"It would be un-superhero like to just leave a damsel in distress." Hurricane reminded the Canadian.  
  
"I'm NOT a superhero, remember?"  
  
"Yes, but . . . uh it would be un-gentlemanlike. You are a gentleman aren't you?" Hurricane asked, emphasizing the last sentence.  
  
"I should be offended. I should, but I just wanna GO." Both Hurricane and Terri gave him their best puppy dog faces. "FINE, I'LL CROSS THE DAMN STREET WITH YOU! Only if you both promise NEVER to do a puppy dog face in my presence again . . . it's just plain freaky."  
  
"Promise." Hurricane and Terri agreed. Hurricane and Christian waited for Terri so they all cross the street eventually and enter the restaurant.  
  
"Hey you guys finally made it." Torrie commented, smiling.  
  
"Yeah, no thanks to Edge." Christian growled.  
  
"Dude, you wanted help so you got help." Edge countered.  
  
"Yeah, by an old woman." Christian said placing Amanda in an empty booth, then sitting down next to Dawn followed by Terri.  
  
"At least it was help." Edge reminded him.  
  
"You know just fuck off." Christian grunted, glaring at his grinning brother.  
  
"Damnit they came back too soon." Lita said irritated, as she snapped her fingers in disappointment.  
  
"Anyways, as I was saying, Mr. McMahon is simply the best boss in the entire WORLD." Dawn babbled spreading her arms, whacking Edge and Christian in the head.  
  
"Owwwwwww." They whined.  
  
"Oh sorry about that." Meanwhile near the end of the table, Hurricane also sets Melinda down on the other side of the booth, which happened to be next to their table.  
  
Author's Notes-  
  
Onthaedge487- "Heh, sorry to leave it like that, but the chapter got soooooo long that we had to spit the 'group date' up into two sections."  
  
Live4thaXtreme-"YEP, IT WAS WICKED LONG! AND WICKED GROSS . . . AND WICKED WEIRD AND WICKED . . ."  
  
Onthaedge487- "Hey, how the hell did you get up here? You were unconscious in the freaking dumpster the last time I checked."  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "Angle came along and woke me up. He got to poking around in mah territory . . . then he whacked me with a carton of milk. He's looking for that damn bunny . . . I uh . . . think I ate it."  
  
Onthaedge487- "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! You nasty! And please take a bath for cripes sake!" *holding nose, about out to pass out*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "What? A girl's gotta eat! And for your info, I smell wonderful . . . like delicate rose petals on a warm summer day." *Onthaedge487 smacks her upside the head* "OW! What the hell was that for, ya French Fry?"  
  
Onthaedge487- "I ain't no French fry, I'm a Spud, you sick f-f-f-f- freak!" *does Peoples Eyebrow just for the hell of it*  
  
Bradshaw- "Do y'all got some bear? I'm tellin' ya, this place needs some fixin' up . . ."  
  
Faarooq- "I hear ya. It needs a big 'ol bar over there, with an endless supply of beer . . ." *starts to drool*  
  
Angle- *yelling from the dumpster below* "MR. FLUFFUMS, I FOUND YOU! OH I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! MUAH!" *snuggles the soiled and tattered 'stuffed animal' and plants a big old wet one on it*  
  
Onthaedge487- "I thought you said you ate Mr. Fluffums?"  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "I did . . . I think." *burps up a piece of fluff * "Yea, that was him." *grins*  
  
Onthaedge487- "Well if you ate the damn stuffed animal, then who . . .?"  
  
Angle- "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! EWWWWWWWWW, GET AWAY FROM ME YOU STUPID RACCOON! OWWWWWWW, OWWWWWWWWW, GET OFF! EWWWWWWW, IT'S LICKING ME! SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF MILK, HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP ME!" *the raccoon continues to attack Angle mercilessly in the dumpster as the APA, Onthaedge487 & Live4thaXtreme run to the window to watch*  
  
Bradshaw- "Pass the popcorn." *Onthaedge487 pops some into her mouth before passing the popcorn to the large Texan*  
  
Faarooq- "DAMN . . . that's some freaky sh*t."  
  
Onthaedge487- "What do you expect, we wrote it." *points to herself and Live4thaXtreme*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "Now boys, do you mind telling the kind readers what to do?"  
  
Bradshaw- "Screw a tree?"  
  
Onthaedge487- "No, no, that's Bitch-off! How many times must we tell you?"  
  
Bischoff *cough*Bitch-off*cough*- "I'M BACK! I don't appreciate you bashing me . . . and I think you're 3 minutes are up. Oh my did I just hear myself day 3 . . . OWWWWW!" *Onthaedge487 kicks him in the crotch, as Live4thaXtreme punches him in the stomach* "Mommy . . ." *APA throws him out the window, but he misses the dumpster, falling onto the hard concrete of the 50 story building*  
  
Live4thaXtreme- "We really need to start locking the door. Well that takes care of him . . . I'M THE NEW GM OF RAW!!!"  
  
Onthaedge487- "Awww hell no! I kicked him first; I get to be the GM!" *the girls proceed to get into a bitch fight, clawing and slapping each other. The APA turn to you, the readers.*  
  
Faarooq- "What they were trying to say is . . ."  
  
Bradshaw- "Please read and review this lame ass fic or . . ."  
  
ALL- "WE'LL COME DOWN THEY'RE AND GIVE YOU THE WHUPPIN' OF YOUR LIFETIME!" *everyone waves at the wonderful reviewers*  
  
A/N2-  
  
If you guys want to be in this fic, just tell us. We won't guarantee that you'll be in it, but we'll sure try to find parts for everyone. You'll either just be a crazed fan, or an everyday person on the job. List several names of people who you would like to interact with/glomp. If there is an overwhelming amount of people who would like to interact with the same superstar, that superstar will be put in a cage for all to gawk at. So, choose wisely. If you'd like to see other superstars in this story who aren't please tell us & try to submit an idea of what they could be doing. We'd like to thank only1teamXtreme & Diva-Xtreme for their ideas, which we used, although we twisted them around a bit & mixed them with our ideas to fit the story as we wanted it. If you submitted an idea or would like to submit an idea, we'll *try* to use it (*try* being the key word). We would especially like to hear your ideas for Angle's plot to get revenge on Lita. We had an idea, but we took so long to execute it that we kinda forgot what it was. We know, we're idiots. As long as you're idea includes milk and is semi-funny, then we'll consider it, so please submit one! The next part should *hopefully* be up soon. Thanks for all your reviews, keep them coming!!  
  
~Toodlez!!~ 


	10. Freaks, Blondes & Mannequins

WWE Spring Break in Cancun  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Freaks, Blondes & Mannequins  
  
(Day 4~ it's almost done . . . 1 more part to go)  
  
~*~IMPORTANT WARNING~*~  
  
There is some STRONG LANGUAGE in this chapter, as well as some REALLY *GROSS* parts (it's pretty bad this time). We suggest that you do not read this while eating, before you eat or after you've eaten as it might cause you to loose your lunch. If you have a strong stomach then good for you. You'll see what we mean . . . we are apologizing for anything that may offend anyone, or may gross anyone out in advance. Um, we kinda wrote most of this at late hours, so we were tired, crazy & hyper. We think this is moderately funny, but you may not, it depends on what you find humorous, so if you don't like it then don't read it. Sorry about making the group date sooooo long. It's going to be in THREE Parts. This is the second, so we only have ONE more to go. It was just WAY too LONG to post as one chapter, because we seemed to have a lot of ideas for this particular portion of the story. *shrugz* We'll we're back if anyone missed us . . . so read on!  
  
Special Guest: aZrAeL  
  
  
  
~*~ Author's Notes & Disclaimer ~*~  
  
Angle~ "Do you think it's contagious, DO YOU?" *brandishing his arm in front of OnthaEdge487 who was downing a beer*  
  
aZrAeL ~ "Wait . . . your not old enough to drink yet!" *grabs beer can away from OnthaEdge487 and throws it, accidentally hitting Angle* "Oh well . . . anything could repel off of that chrome dome of his anyways."  
  
Live4thaXtreme~ "Wait . . . how in the bluest of blue hell did you get up here Angle? I LOCKED THE DAMN DOOR!"  
  
Bradshaw ~ "Fish."  
  
Faarooq ~ "WHAT?!"  
  
Bradshaw ~ "I said, go fish. Geez, check your battery man."  
  
Faarooq~ "Well I'll be damned . . ."  
  
Angle~ "Ah have just been violated . . . AND NO ONE GIVES A WHOOPTY DAMN DOO! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE! I'M AN OLYMIC HERO, AND YOU PEOPLE COULD CARE LESS THAT I COULD HAVE BABIES!"  
  
OnthaEdge487~ "It's rabies you dipshit! Oi vey, it's gonna be a long night." *smacks her forehead* Live4thaXtreme~ "Who's having a baby? Where?" *OnthaEdge487 smacks her upside the head* "OOWWW! Did you know if you get hit in the head you loose brain cells? HA, I bet ya didn't know that!"  
  
OnthaEdge487~ "Not like it applies to you anyway . . . brain cells, what brain cells? Ha! Anywayz, when I become QUEEN of the WORLD, I will rule all . . ."  
  
Faarooq~ "Aw hell no, not this again!"  
  
Bradshaw~ "What our lovely author is trying to say is, she doesn't own shit, and the same goes for he assclown of a sidekick Live4thaXtreme."  
  
Angle~ "It's true, it's DAMN true!"  
  
Bradshaw~ "Wait a damn minute . . . did I just say assclown? Oh hell . . . they're getting to me . . . Faarooq . . . GET THE THERMOMETER!" *he faints as Faarooq walks off to get a thermometer, shaking his head in disgust*  
  
aZrAeL ~ "Question: Am I the only sane person here?" *OnthaEdge487, Live4thaXtreme and Angle all stare at her blankly* "Guess so . . . wonderful . . . first I'm stuck with Pyper, now these moronic rejects. Great."  
  
*Suddenly the door bursts open, and figure walks in with loud music is blaring from a large boom box that is being held over the person's shoulder.* Live4thaXtreme~ "HEY, AH SAID NO VISITERS, SO GET THE F OUT! Got it budd- OH MY GOODNESS!"  
  
OnthaEdge487~ "And what in the blue hell is you problem, Liv?"  
  
Live4thaXtreme~ "Hubbada hubbada . . ." *drools*  
  
OnthaEdge487~ *turns around* "OH MY . . . DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?!" *faints*  
  
aZrAeL ~ "Well duh . . . why me, really why? What the hell did I do to deserve this? I mean I only kept the whole WWE roster in the same plane for an extended period of time during a storm, made them watch the Scorpion King . . . okay disregard everything I just said.  
  
?~ "Wrong place apparently . . ."  
  
~*~  
  
"SO WHAT YOU GUYS WANT TO EAT?" Matt screamed down the table.  
  
"The Rock says to get something cause he's hungry."  
  
"GET SOMETHING WE CAN ALL EAT." Big Show suggested.  
  
"GET BEER TOO!" Austin ordered.  
  
"HELL YEAH!" Molly agreed.  
  
"AND SKITTLES!"  
  
"Jeff, this is a Chinese restaurant, they don't have skittles here." Matt informed his brother.  
  
"But Matt. . ."  
  
"Be quiet Jeff, you'll eat what I order." After a while, they order and start to talk amongst themselves before they eat.  
  
"Sooooo Torrie, when are we gonna get some alone time to . . . ya know . . . get to know each other better." Big Show said wiggling his eyebrows.  
  
"EWWWWWWWW! I would never . . . you and me . . . ewwwwwwwww . . . hell no! I need to go to the ladies room!" She choked out, and then dashed off to the woman's room to throw up.  
  
"Must you . . . *hiccup* . . . constantly sniff . . .*belch* . . . that white out?" Molly asked, completely drunk on the beer she had brought with her.  
  
"Well . . . uh . . . *sniff* duh. Whiteout . . . is *sniff* my . . . uh life." RVD answered, almost offended.  
  
"Fine. OH CRAP, I DON'T *hiccup* HAVE ANY *hiccup* MORE BEER! NOOOOOOOOOO! HEY AUSTIN, DO YOU GOT ANYMORE BEER?!" Molly asked, her voice trembling.  
  
"WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BRING THE EXTRA BEER! WHAT?!"  
  
"No, you said you were gonna! THIS IS JUST GREAT! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MY BEER!" Molly says starting to twitch. "OH MY GOD, I'M BEGINNING TO SOBER! NOOOOOOO!"  
  
"Must have beer. Must have beer. Must have beer." Austin whispered desperately.  
  
"Now, now dear, we'll just ask the waiter to get some beer. I'm sure they have some." Debra said pulling him into a hug as he began to cry.  
  
"YOU JABRONIS ARE WORRIED ABOUT BEER? FORGET BEER, THE ROCK NEEDS HIS PIE! THE ROCK IS IN MAJOR WITHDRAWAL HERE, AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS BEER!! SOMEBODY GIVE THE ROCK HIS PIE!!" The Rock whined, as everyone stared at him.  
  
"Rocky, meet me in the bathroom in five minutes, and you'll get you're pie." Jazz whispered.  
  
"HOW COULD SOMETHING LIKE YOU HELP ME? AND WHICH BATHROOM WERE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, JABRONI?" Rock inquired, doing the People's Eyebrow.  
  
"Fine loser, the offer still stands, so if you want me I'll be in the bathroom." Jazz said walking away.  
  
"WAIT, WHAT BATHROOM ARE YOU GONNA BE IN? Not . . . uh . . . like I'd take you up on that offer or anything."  
  
Meanwhile in the girl's bathroom, Torrie is in a stall puking at the comment that Big Show had made.  
  
"That was gross, how could he say that, ewwwww, alright well I should get back out there, whew." She flushes the toilet but as she unlocks the stall and walks out, the toilet starts to overflow. "Uh oh, that can't be good. Oh that looks sooooo gross. " She said completely disgusted. The water from the toilet was quickly rising and was now ankle-high. "OH MY GOD! SOMEBODY HELP, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! HELLLLLLLLP! I NEED HELLLLP! DOES MY HAIR REALLY LOOK LIKE THAT? AHHHHHHHHHH I NEED A BRUSH RIGHT NOW! AND MAKEUP! I LOOK COMPLETELY DISGUSTING, THIS IS TERR . . . IB . . . IB . . . LE, OH IT'S JUST BAD!" Torrie screamed, looking at her reflection in the mirror, not paying attention to the now knee-high toilet water. She began to sift through the trash for any kind of beauty products, hoping to find some lipstick or mascara to touch up her 'horrid' appearance.  
  
Back at the hotel Kurt Angle was yet again mumbling incoherently to his stuffed bunny Mr. Fluffums, about his plan to seek revenge on Lita (A/N- yes people that will happen eventually, we didn't forget!) for burning all of his priceless thongs. "What's wrong with fifty gallons of milk? You said it was a good idea before!" Kurt yelled at Mr. Fluffums.  
  
Mr. Fluffums- . . . . . .  
  
"WHAT? How could you think that? It's a brilliant idea! It's not going to backfire on me! Plus I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist, and I know what the heck I'm talking about. You're just a bunny!" Kurt yelled, pointing at his medals.  
  
Mr. Fluffums- . . . . . .  
  
"Yeah, that's what I said, YOU'RE JUST A BUNNY! You don't know what you're talking about. I'm no fool, I'm an Olympic hero, and I'll be damned if you get in the way of my fun!" Yelled throwing the bunny to the ground.  
  
Mr. Fluffums- . . . . . .  
  
"Yeah, I said you're not gonna get in my way! I'll do whatever I want. It's my way, or the highway buddy." Kurt said, picking up Mr. Fluffums and shaking the bunny, as if to knock some sense into it.  
  
Mr. Fluffums- . . . . . .  
  
"Fine, if you feel that way then well, FINE! I won't sleep with you tonight. What do you mean you get the bed? NOOOOOOOO! Hey, I want the bed, I'm an Olympic . . . what do you mean 'shut the hell up?' Oh you've done it now! I don't have to take this. I'm leaving!" With that Kurt opened the door, planning to leave, but instead walked into the closet. He came out madder than before, realizing what a dumbass he is. Just then Perry Saturn fell out of the open closet door making out with his beloved mop, Moppy.  
  
"What in the heck are you doing in my closet?! Get out! Ewwwww, how could you do that with a filthy mop?!" Kurt asked, totally grossed out.  
  
"Moppy isn't filthy, she's bootyful. Oh, and pigeons poop on people's heads so they can graduate from boarding school. Your welcome!" Perry then rolls out the open window with Moppy. "You can fly right Moppy?" Kurt shakes his head in disgust, and then looks at the clock which reads 7:20 pm.  
  
"Oh poo! It's too late to leave, it's almost my bedtime. Well you know what Mr. Fluffums, I'll sleep in the bathtub, cause I don't want to have to spend anther minute with you!"  
  
Mr. Fluffums- . . . . . .  
  
"Fine, be like that. Oh yeah, well up yours too! Goodnight Mr. Fluffums." Kurt yelled, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
Mr. Fluffums- . . . . . .  
  
Kurt walks into the bathroom and climbs into the bathtub, falling asleep immediately. A few minutes pass by before we hear snoring and some muttering of his plans. "Lita . . . she'll pay . . . for what she did to . . . me. . . I . . . will get . . . my . . . revenge. . ."  
  
*Back at the restaurant*  
  
"WHERE IN THE . . ." Trish began.  
  
"BLUE HELL IS OUR FOOD?" The Rock finished.  
  
"DAMN IT!" Steph shouted, as her face fell in disappointment.  
  
Suddenly a waiter walks up to the table with a plate of fried rice, chicken wings, and an egg roll and placing it in front of Rock.  
  
"WHAT? YOU SON OF A BITCH, THAT'S MY FUCKING FOOD, ASSCLOWN!" Jericho screeched, snatching the plate away. He stood up on the table, holding the plate out of the Rocks reach, as the Great One hopelessly tried to retrieve it.  
  
"OH NO YOU DIDN'T JABRONI, GIMME BACK THAT PLATE! GIMMIE, GIMMIE, GIMMIE! FIRST NO PIE, NOW THIS! YOU'RE ASKING FOR A WHUPPIN!" Rock shouted, brandishing an oversized chicken wing in the direction of Jericho.  
  
Rock and Y2J now start a tug of war with the plate until Y2J's fingers slip and the plate goes flying upside down onto the floor. As this pathetic display is occurring, Melinda starts to come and stands up.  
  
"What, where the hell am I?" Melinda asked, groggily moving over to the superstar's table.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, MY FOOD, THAT'S IT JABRONI!" Rock exclaimed. Just as he's about to hit Y2J with the extremely large chicken wing in his hand, it accidentally slips out of his grip and hits Melinda on the head which causes her to fall to the ground unconscious, again. (A/N- Yeah, we know just keep reading.)  
  
"Nice job, jackass, look at what you did now." Y2J grunted, staring icily at Rocky.  
  
"Shut up jabroni, it was your fault for making me do that." Rock retorted, as the immature bickering continued between the two.  
  
"Dude, think she'll sue?" Edge asked, looking up at the Rock through his sexy black shades. (Like the ones he wears on TV people. *droolz*)  
  
"Hope not, but it's not like I started it anyways." The People's Champ stated rather immaturely.  
  
"Assclown, you're the one who hit her in the head." Y2J yelled at the Great One.  
  
"Tell you what jabroni, I'll kick you in the crotch and we'll call it even, alright." The Rock replied through gritted teeth, glaring at Y2J.  
  
In the bathroom, Torrie is still having a melt down about her appearance, while the water has gotten up to her chest. "There, done, finally. It'll have to do for now, but I'm not going back out there until I get a proper makeover." Torrie declared, as she put the newly found makeup from the trash away in her purse. "Where did all this water come from anyway? Oh well." She shrugged, walking towards the door even though the water has risen up to her neck. "Actually, I should probably get out of this bathroom now, I think." Torrie pondered uncertainly, but used her better judgment and started to push the door. To her surprise the door doesn't budge. "Uh oh, I'm in trouble now. . . Help . . . please."  
  
*At the table*  
  
"Geez, how long can a girl stay in the bathroom?" Big Show asked with a hint of irritability in his deep voice.  
  
"Well, she could be having some problems at the moment." Debra suggested, although Big show looked as if he didn't comprehended.  
  
"Oh, I see what you mean." Big Show said with a confused expression on his face.  
  
"Steve. . . Steve. . . STEVE!" Debra yelled right in Austin's ear, hoping this strategy would be effective.  
  
"Huh, what, what's happening, is the beer here yet?" Austin stirred groggily, waking up with drool dribbling down his face.  
  
"Honey, you fell asleep and no for the last time they don't have beer at this restaurant." Debra informed her twitching husband. All of a sudden a chicken wing soars through the air, flying by and rolls past Debra on the table.  
  
"What the hell?" Austin roared, as he looked down at the table. He watched the mini-catfight displayed before them, as Rock and Y2J pushed each other with much loathe.  
  
"Sorry Austin, it was Rocky." Jericho accused childishly pointing a finger at Rock.  
  
"WHAT? That's it jabroni, you need a whuppin' now and I mean right now." Rock growled, staring the Canadian rock star down. Just then, in a streak of blond, Y2J bolted out the door. The Rock realized this seconds later and was soon at his heels, yelling profanities that best not to be mentioned.  
  
"That was interesting." Christian declared dully.  
  
"Yeah, it sure was oooo a chicken wing, yum." Big Show said, licking his lips. He picked up the chicken wing and ate it whole, bones and all. "What?"  
  
"Nothing, I didn't say anything." Christian answered. Once Big Show turned his attention elsewhere, Christian's features turned sour and mouthed 'Ewwwww that's so totally gross' to his brother Edge. Edge nodded in agreement, completely disgusted by Show's actions as well. Unnoticed to all, Big Show begins to turn a brilliant shade of blue. Gagging noises could be heard, and he looked as if he was making the international choking symbol. (His hands are clutching his throat.) Oddly enough, no one in the large group seems to realize what's going on and continue on with their conversations and bickering.  
  
All of a sudden Rock comes walking back in looking satisfied then stopping mid way as if waiting for something or someone, then Y2J comes limping in with a black eye and holding his . . .  
  
"What happened to you?" Jeff asked, arching an eyebrow.  
  
"Don't . . . even . . . ask." Y2J choked out in reply.  
  
"The jabroni deserved it." The Rock stated, walking back to his seat, and then suddenly tripping over something making him fall to the ground with a thud. "WHO IN THE BLUE HELL PUT THIS GIRL HERE?"  
  
"Hahahahaha." Jericho fell to the ground laughing his ass off. "OWWWW shouldn't . . . have . . . done . . . that, ow."  
  
"Would you excuse me Mattypoo, I have to go use the powder room, but I'll be back before you know it." Stacy exclaimed in a rather annoying high pitched voice. She got up quickly, but as she was heading towards the bathroom she noticed Big Show's odd discoloration and gagging noises. Stacy shrugged it off at first and continued walking, but when she got halfway to the bathroom she could hear him sputtering, when she knew something was wrong. She turned on her heel and ran over to him. "SHOW? SHOW, TALK TO ME? OH MY GOSH I THINK HE'S CHOKING!" Stacy screamed as Big Show hurled himself up from his seat, causing the other superstars to stop what they were doing.  
  
"NOBODY PANIC, I KNOW THE HYMLIC! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY ELF!" Terri declared as she 'hopped' out of her seat and grabbed her walker. Once she made it over to Big Show his face was now the color of macaroni and cheese. With a rush of adrenaline, Terri hoisted up her walker and began whacking the Big Show in the backside with a considerable amount of force.  
  
"HARDER, HARDER!" Rob Van Dam yelled with enthusiasm, and then went back to sniffing his whiteout. This earned him dirty looks from Matt, Lita, Hurricane and Edge, who were totally grossed out. Christian on the other hand . . .  
  
"YEAH, WHAT HE SAID! MAKE IT HARDER BABY, HARDER! PUSH IT PUSH IT! COME ON, HARDER!" Christian screamed at the top of his lungs, practically jumping out of his seat in excitement. Edge smacked him in the back of the head, in disgust.  
  
"Dude, you're not at home with your private porn collection!" Edge admonished, as his face scrunched up in disgust.  
  
"But Edge . . ." Christian whined, as his brother shook his head firmly.  
  
"Who's hard?" Steph asked curiously.  
  
"Good question." Trish said, looking around the table.  
  
"I assure you it isn't me." Jericho informed, looking down for good measure. Out of nowhere Triple H comes up to the table with a take out bag in one hand, his prized sledgehammer in the other.  
  
"I AM THE GAME! YOU DON'T WANNA PLAY ME!"  
  
"OH, I THINK I FOUND OUR ANSWER GUYS! I HEARD THE GAME WAS HARD!!!" Stephanie smirked at her ex-husband, as his eyes flared with anger. Triple H, too tired to get into an argument with her, stalked off.  
  
"Hey good one Steph." Jericho commented. Stephanie dropped the glass of water she had been drinking all over herself, and the table.  
  
"Did hell just freeze over? I think hell just froze over. Oh holly hell, I'm beginning to sober!" Molly yelled from down the table. Jericho just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, as Stephanie eyed him oddly.  
  
"Yep, hell froze over, pigs are flying, cows are clucking, bunnies are mowing the lawn, ducks are mooing, kangaroos are square-dancing, penguins are pumping gas, and Paul Heyman just won 'Hunk of the Year'." Lita said in awe. Even Jeff looked at her strangely when she was finished with her little speech. "What bitch, what?"  
  
"Oh god, oh god, I think he's dead!!" Dawn screeched, pointing to Big Show, who still had the large chicken bone logged in his throat.  
  
"Have no fear, Hurricane is here!" Hurricane exclaimed, first stopping to do a superhero pose, then running to where Big Show faintly stood, as he was being beaten by Terri and her steel walker. Hurricane moved behind Terri to try and direct her, and . . . BAM! Our poor superhero got whacked in the head with the walker, and is know sprawled out on the floor, unconscious.  
  
"GET OUTTA MY WAY HURRI-DORK, I'M TRYING TO SAVE A LIFE HERE!" Terri screeched at Hurricane's prone form. Matt got up from his seat and helped Hurricane back to the table before anything else could happen to the poor guy.  
  
Terri, who was about to give up, used all her strength, (which isn't very much people) for one last swing. She swung the walker, hitting Show right in the butt, and surprisingly knocking him down, causing the restaurant to shake. Luckily Terri was there to break his fall, although she did get rather crushed. Upon contact with the floor the chicken bone came shooting out of Big Show's mouth and over the small barrier that separated the nonsmoking section from the smoking section. Terri's muffled cries could be heard from underneath the large man, but no one seemed to pay much mind.  
  
"I thought I saw my life flash before my eyes! Can't you guys figure out when a guy is choking?" Big Show asked angrily.  
  
"Hey, just about everyone at the table is either blond or psycho, so you can't blame us buddy." Matt said twitching up a storm. The past few days hadn't been good to him, in fact we're not sure if he's mentally stable, the poor guy.  
  
Now that everything was under control, Stacy was finally able to get to her original destination. Before leaving, she blew Matt a kiss, and assured him she'd be back in no time. Big Show, for some odd reason, followed her, most likely to check on the whereabouts of Torrie.  
  
"Great, take your time I'm not going anywhere." Matt yelled back. "Quick, is she gone?"  
  
"Yeah, bro, what's . . .?" Jeff began to question in his completely confused manner.  
  
"Great, let's go." Matt said hurriedly, getting up and putting on his jacket ready to leave.  
  
"MATT!" Lita and Stephanie reprimanded.  
  
"Oh all right for crying out loud." Matt sighed in defeat, taking off his jacket and sitting back down.  
  
From the smoking section, two tall drenched figures stood up and were approaching the superstar's table. The slightly shorter man cracked his knuckles, while the other stood, his eyes staring icily through his mask. "Who . . . threw . . . the . . . chicken . . . bone?" The shorter, tattooed one growled, in a gruff voice. The table of superstars gulped, all except for Terri who jumped up from her seat.  
  
"You, you see, this is, is what hap-pened." She stuttered, looking up at the huge men, her voice wavering.  
  
Back in the bathroom, water is still overflowing from the toilet and now from the faucet (which Torrie had turned on and left it on) and has almost reached to the top of the ceiling, Torrie is swimming up and down for air and banging at the door for someone to come and rescue her.  
  
"HELP, ANYONE, HELP, oh it's useless, well I guess this is it, I'm done for it." As Torrie takes one last breath of air, she closes her eyes and floats there waiting, waiting, when suddenly she notices that the water has gone down and she can breathe. "What, what's happening?" She turns to face the door and sees a drenched Stacy Keibler holding the door open letting all the water flow through. "Oh thank you Stacy, you saved my life I'm now in debt to you, thank you, thank you." Torrie thanked breathlessly getting up off the floor and running at Stacy to hug her. Then from behind we see Big Show with a big smile on his face.  
  
"Don't I get a hug too?" Big Show asked, hope in his voice.  
  
"Um . . . yeah right buddy." Torrie replied laughing. "Why should you get one anyways?"  
  
"Well, Stacy wasn't the only one who helped save your life. Do you think she could push open the door all by herself?"  
  
"A . . . well . . . she's not as scrawny as everybody thinks." Torrie stuttered lamely.  
  
"Oh yes I am." Stacy replied completely clueless to the situation. Torrie glared at her  
  
"So where's my hug?" Big Show asked expectantly.  
  
"Oh look a flying cheeseburger with extra anchovies." Torrie exclaimed, pointing in the air behind Big Show.  
  
"What, where?" Big Show asked eagerly, turning his head around with much interest and beginning to drool.  
  
"Get the hell outta my way big man, I gotsta go!!!" Stacy exclaimed pushing past the very confused giant. She shut the door to the ladies room in such a hurry she didn't give Torrie time to leave the rest room. Luckily, the water had stopped flowing in the bathroom, (it was now heading for the rest of the restaurant) so everything was copasetic. Or was it? Torrie, not wanting to spend another second in that horrid bathroom, pushed on the door.  
  
Back at the table, a humungous amount of water came flooding through. Terri, who had been standing without the help of her walker at the time, was swept away by the flood. The water was like rapids, it was extremely ruff, tossing Terri's tiny body around like a rag doll. The rest of the superstar's had somehow seen the water coming, and stood up on their chairs or the table. The water carried Terri all the way to the door, and it looked as if she was going to crash right through it when the door suddenly opened.  
  
"Leaving so soon, Terri dear?" Goldust asked, inhaling deeply, then bit the air, and proceeded to walk into the restaurant, Booker following close behind.  
  
"THANK YOU FOR EATING AT NICE CHINESE RESTURANT! COME AGAIN!" The manager of the restaurant called after Terri, as the flood of water carried her down the street.  
  
"BYE TERRI!" Everyone called from the table, and shrugged it off like nothing happened. The water in the restaurant was now only small puddles, so they were able to sit and wait for their meal.  
  
"Welcome to nice Chinese restaurant!" The manager greeted the Gold One, and the Book. "How meh we help yoo?"  
  
"Yea, get Goldy here and the 5-time, 5-time, 5-time, 5-time, 5-time, WCW champion . . . a table." Booker said looking at the palm of his hand. "And Slappy, make it snappy. Now can you dig that . . ." Booker began to walk off, but seconds later came back to finish his catchphrase. "SUCKA?!" He yelled, and walked away to find a table, Goldust at his heels. This table ironically was right near where the other superstar's were seated.  
  
"Now that that damn flood is over, WHO. . ."  
  
"THREW THAT CHICKEN BONE?" Kane demanded finishing Taker's sentence.  
  
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO THREW THE CHICKEN BONE!" The Rock yelled. The brothers of destruction blared down at him as he gulped. "Uh. . . W- WH- Why?"  
  
"CAUSE THE PERSON WHO THREW IT IS GONNA GET AN ASS WHUPPIN OF THE CENTURY." Taker hollered back. All of a sudden a wave of chatter broke out among the table as everyone tried to blame one another. "EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP!" A figure in a waitress's outfit carrying a tray full of steaming hot soup yelled.  
  
"WHO THE, WHAT THE, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?" Everyone asked in bewilderment. Appearing from the shadows. . .  
  
"AMANDA!" Christian yelled as Hurricane pointed enthusiastically. "I thought you were unconscious over there", glancing at the booth. "Oh never mind."  
  
"Yeah well I woke up and decided to get my ass moving on the job since I work here so go figure." "Even though I'm PROBABLY gonna get fired tomorrow cause I stole a couple of stacks of potatoes for my own pleasure, but that's another story, anyways. . ."  
  
"Um . . . you do realize I feel so totally turned on right now. Mmmmm. . . Potatoes, nice and round and buttery and, and creamy mmmmm. Christian said starting to drool.  
  
"I totally agree with you, you sexy kangaroo." Amanda replied.  
  
"And they thought I was weird." Goldust muttered.  
  
"DUDE, since when did you like women?" Edge asked.  
  
"DUDE, SHUT THE HELL UP BITCH, I've always liked women and they love me. Oh baby, oh baby." Christian retorted.  
  
"Yeah right, you must be delusional." Lita stated.  
  
"A. . . HELLO, WE WERE ABOUT TO GIVE SOMEONE AN ASS WHUPPING SO TELL US WHO THREW THAT GOD DAMN CHICKEN WING." Taker shouted over everyone. "KANE GET THE BLOWTORCH."  
  
"Wait, there's no need for that, I'll tell you two where the chicken wing came from. Well you see it was. . ." Amanda started to explain.  
  
All of a sudden Brock Lesnar and HHH pop in out of thin air. Brock Lesnar was wearing a towel around his waist and HHH happened to be in his birthday suit lovingly caressing a manikin.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL, WHERE AM I?" Brock and HHH exclaimed simultaneously. Just as they finished looking around in puzzlement, they noticed that the group was in hysterics.  
  
"But . . . But Heyman was just giving me a bikini wax for my next photo shoot. Brock explained, in a disappointed tone.  
  
"I was giving Aphrodite mouth to mouth resuscitation in the back seat of my car, I mean a . . . yea." HHH stuttered.  
  
Taker and Kane suddenly turn to each other and nod in agreement; they turn and pounced on Brock and HHH, beating the living daylights out of them. Kane, being highly disgusted with Tripe H's apparel, ripped a table cloth off of one of the booths next to them and threw it at Triple H, hitting him in the face.  
  
"Ouch! My overly large nose has been hit! Why is that always the target?!"  
  
"Probably cause it's so damn huge, ya just can't miss it!" Kane growled, as he turned on the blow torch, staring at the orange and yellow flames it gave off. "And put that on, NO ONE, AND KANE MEANS NO ONE, WANTS TO SEE THAT!"  
  
"Hey, you stole the Rock's line, jabroni!" The Rock exclaimed from his seat. Kane, who was just about to forcefully choke slam Triple H through a table, simply glared at the People's Champ. Triple H took this to his advantage and low blowed Kane, escaping the Big Red Machine's grasp. He grabbed Aphrodite and ran for the hills. As he ran through the restaurant, someone happen to trip over the tablecloth that wrapped loosely around his waste. This sent him flying into the door of the Men's restroom. As he picked himself up from the hard floor, he looked down.  
  
"Uh oh, not again! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Triple H shrieked, as he bolted for the Men's room. When he entered he realized he wasn't the only one there. Passed out by a urinal, was Jazz, drool escaping from *her* open mouth. "DAMN IT!" He yelled as he ran out of the bathroom and strait into the Women's restroom. Three blood curdling screams could be heard throughout the restaurant.  
  
"WAIT, DON'T SHUT THE . . ." The girls yelled simultaneously as the door clicked shut. "Door."  
  
"What the hell is that?" Torrie squeaked, looking at Triple H in horror.  
  
"Oh this, this is Aphrodite, my uh . . . my good friend?"  
  
"No she didn't mean that . . . I think she was talking about that! It's so small!" Stacy exclaimed in awe, as Triple H turned a bright shade of red.  
  
"Give me a break! It's cold in this place!" Triple H attempted to cover, but the girls simply fell over laughing.  
  
"Oh . . . lord . . . I'm . . . going . . . to . . . die!" Torrie said in between fits of laughter. Triple H glared at the girls, and ran over to the trash can. He sifted through it, hoping to find something he could wear until he got back to his hotel. The two diva's cackles had been suppressed to stifled giggles, as they tried to contain themselves.  
  
"SCOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEE!" Triple H exclaimed as he pulled out a ragged piece of clothing from the trash.  
  
"You're . . . NOT serious, are you?" Stacy asked bursting into yet another fit of giggles. "Can't . . . breathe . . . need . . . oxygen!"  
  
"What? I got nice legs!" Triple H exclaimed, glaring at Stacy.  
  
"YOU got nice legs? I got nice legs, BITCH!" Stacy stated, brandishing a long leg in his face.  
  
"Yeah, if you like anorexic rag dolls." Triple H retorted.  
  
"Did he just punk you out? Oh, I think he just punked you out! What ya gonna do about that sista?" Torrie asked, staring icily at Triple H.  
  
"Oh, you best not be gettin' all up in mah face! You best be backin' up bitch!" Stacy warned, doing the 'finger snap and head bob'.  
  
"YOU GO GIRL!" Torrie yelled, shaking the pompoms that she had found in the trash supportively.  
  
"I will not have two whores diss me! IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!"  
  
"Oh, I prefer Candy Land, can we play that?" Stacy asked, not quite understanding Triple H's catchphrase.  
  
"Oh that's it slut, your going down." Triple H said as he and Stacy proceeded clawing and slapping each other.  
  
"2, 4 . . . what's the next number, oh yeah 6. . . then . . . ah . . . 12, 86 oh whatever GO um. . . St . . . Tracy, Pacy, Macy, or now wait, it's uh . . . Stacy! GO Stacy!" Torrie started to shout when the fight broke out, as she waved her pompoms frantically.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Both Stacy and Triple H yell, pausing only for a moment to push Torrie into a nearby stall. Unfortunately for Torrie, she lost her balance and fell face first right into a . . .  
  
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! The toilet! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I think I'm stuck! EW, I think some one forgot to flush! Oh, it really smells in here. Please help I'm stuck! MOMMMMMMMMMMY!" Torrie sputtered. She began to flail her arms around, hoping to attract the attention of the oblivious pair, and in turn ended up hitting the handle on the toilet, unintentionally making it flush. Basically she was giving herself a swirly, and she oddly enough kept her hand on the button for quite sometime. "What the hell is going on! AHHHHHHHHHHH! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP! Hey, this actually feels kinda good. Kinda like a face massage . . . That reminds me, I have to book a facial at the spa!"  
  
Triple H wobbled over to the Ladies room door with much trouble, as Stacy had put up quite a fight. "Now how the hell do you open this thing?" He grumbled, as he pushed with all his might, but the door would not budge.  
  
"Oh we were having the same trouble! We couldn't figure out how to open that door for the life of us, that's why we're stuck in here!" Stacy groaned from her seat in the trash can.  
  
"Yep." Torrie agreed, continually flushing the toilet.  
  
"Oh great, just great! Well that's what my trusty sledge hammer is for . . ." Triple H began a psychotic glint in his eye. Seconds later he was breaking down the door with his sledge hammer, and was finally able to get out. Had the three only seen the 'Pull' sign above the door, they most likely would have been out much sooner.  
  
(Onthaedge487- *shrugs* "Idiocy must be a blond thing . . ."  
  
Live4thaXtreme- *nods* "Yep.")  
  
"We're free, we're free at last." Stacy sighed with relief. "Now Torrie, come on, it's time to go, that's enough for today." Stacy grabbed Torrie by the legs and began to drag her, kicking and screaming out of the bathroom.  
  
"But . . . but its fun! SWIRLIE, SWIRLIE! WOOOOOOOOO!" Torrie whined, not wanting to part with the toilet.  
  
"You can give yourself a swirlie when we get back to the hotel. But for now, we have to eat. I'm sure that by now our food is here and everyone is eating . . . OH MY GOSH! I left Matty for soooo long, he must miss me terribly . . . I know I almost died without him!"  
  
"He hates you!" Torrie exclaimed, pouting.  
  
"He does not! He's just . . . shy!"  
  
"Does anyone give a damn that I'm still here?" Triple H asked, feeling a bit left out.  
  
"No." They both answered simultaneously.  
  
"Thanks a lot psycho, the one time we're glad that you had that sledge hammer with you." Torrie commented as the girls departed the bathroom. They slowly began to walk back towards the table.   
  
"Ow, I'm going to need a wheelchair after all this, make it a stretcher. Jeez." Stacy groaned, rubbing her lower back. "Hey . . . which way was the table anyway?"  
  
"Beats me." Torrie replied, equally clueless, but not at all phased.  
  
"MATTTTTY!" Stacy howled like a lone wolf on a dark evening when the moon is full. It was almost as if it were hopeless.  
  
Triple H groggily exited the Ladies room, silently sneaking past a very lost Torrie and Stacy, and hobbled back to the table. "I SURVIVED! I SURVIVED BECAUSE I AM THAT DAMN GO--" Triple H was abruptly cut off when someone dropped onto his back from the ceiling. "Ow! What the h- SHAWN?!"  
  
"Ya can't hunt what ya can't kill, Hunter. What the . . . are you wearing a . . ." HBK began, while continually punching Triple H.  
  
"Dress. That dress, it looks so familiar. Hey Christian, isn't that the one Grandma Edna gave you for Christmas last . . . OW, dude that was so totally uncool!" Edge exclaimed, recoiling from the elbow to his gut that he'd just received from his brother.  
  
"DUDE, NO ONE'S SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOOT THE DRESS THING!"  
  
"You wear dresses?" Amanda asked, momentarily looking up from her potato calendar, entitled, Unpeeled.  
  
"UH . . . I uh . . ."  
  
"THAT'S SOOOOOOOO HOT CHRISTIAN! Do you know how turned on I am right now? Is it hot in here?" Amanda responded, practically drooling. Christian in response blushed, hiding shyly behind Edge. "You could come over and try on MY dresses . . ." She said suggestively.  
  
"Dude, I think she likes ya. Just go for it! Although she's kinda freaky and weird and scary, and, well I think she's your type . . ."  
  
"Oh look at the HOT spud! Wouldn't I like to roast that baby! WORK IT BABY, WORK IT! YOU CAN DOOOOOOOO IT!" Amanda yelled excitedly at the calendar.  
  
"Is Trip's wearing a pink frilly dress with butterflies, or is my eyes playing dirty, dirty tricks on me . . . again." Matt said, with a fearful yet psychotic glint in his eyes.  
  
"YES OKAY . . . OW . . . I AM . . . OW . . . WEARING A . . . OW . . . DRESS! OWWW, GEEZ SHAWN! NO, NO DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH APHRODITE! OW . . ." Triple H screamed, between a severe beating from the Heartbreak Kid.  
  
"Serves you right bitch . . . ewww, where the hell has this thing been?" HBK asks, disgustedly looking at the mannequin, which Triple H referred to as Aphrodite. "Oh gawd, I don't even want to know . . . You were always a sick f-f-f-freak Hunter."  
  
"WHAT IS WITH STEALING THE ROCK'S CATCHPHARSES? WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?"  
  
"Hey Jerky, you just stole my *best* catchphrase! I was actually popular when I said that! WAZUPWITDAT?!" Jericho yelled, highly offended.  
  
"You just stole MY only catchphrase, you reekaziod! THAT SO TOTALLY REEKS OF HEINIOUSITY!" Everyone looked at Hurricane in shock at the sudden outburst. "What?" He asked, staring blankly at everyone at the table. Everyone stared back at him, minus Amanda, Christian and Edge who were having a friendly conversation about her potato obsession and Christian's dress fetish.  
  
"DAMN YOU SUPER DORK, THAT'S MAH DAMN CATCHPHRASE! I'M GONNA COME DOWN THERE AND KICK YOU'RE WHINY LIL ASS! NOW CAN YOU DIG THAT . . . SUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKAAAAAAAA?!!!" Stone Cold yelled suddenly, and the disgruntled super-hero sat down.  
  
"Oh hell no! This is my yard, and in my yard, NO ONE takes my catchphrases! Big Evil's gonna get ya!" Booker T warned from the table next to theirs.  
  
"Sumbitch, I won't be having that! I AM THE GAME, YOU WANNA PLAY ME?" Undertaker roared, glaring at Booker. "I AM THAT DAMN GOOD." Several of the superstars then began to brawl, others sat hungry (yes they still haven't received food), and confused.  
  
"Game over." Shawn Michaels smirked, giving an unconscious Triple H one last kick in the crotch. "Oh crap . . . I'm late for my Church prayer group meeting!" With that HBK dashed out of the restaurant, leaving some superstars confused with the whole ordeal. The brawl over the catchphrases was coming to a close as the victor stood on top on their table to celebrate.  
  
"I AM A LIVING LEDGEND!" Jericho bellowed. "I WON, I BEAT ALL THOSE ASSCLOWNS!"  
  
"No you didn't, they beat each other up, and you just stood there . . ." Matt began.  
  
"Until the whole damn thing was over, you wuss." Lita finished. Matt gave her a brief smile which she returned.  
  
"Don't say that about Jericho . . ." Steph trailed off. Realizing the words that had just slipped from her lips, she immediately covered her mouth in shock and embarrassment. Chris however, either didn't hear her comment, or settled on ignoring it. Seconds later, Stacy and Torrie came bursting in, huffing and puffing. In pure joy of finding their way back to the table, Stacy jumped on the table and started dancing. Jericho of course took no notice of this; he was too self absorbed in his own little celebration to care.  
  
"I'M THE . . . WHAT THE . . . WHO THE HELL IS THROWING POPCORN?" Jericho screamed, baffled at who would have the nerve to ruin his little celebration, let alone throw buttery pieces of popcorn at him. A waitress nearby chuckled, as she chucked more popcorn in Jericho's direction.  
  
"I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Stacy screeched, not taking notice of the pieces of popcorn hitting her, as well as Jericho.  
  
"Let's try this again . . . I'M THE KI . . . ALRIGHT, WHOEVER IS TRHOWING THAT IS GONNA FEEL THE WRATH OF THE KING!" Jericho bellowed, looking around the restaurant for the culprit.  
  
"aZrAeL, whatcha doin'? Can I help . . . pwease?" Amanda asked in a childish tone, suddenly appearing next to aZrAeL.  
  
"Can't you see I'm busy? I got a pansy to torture . . . do we have any ham?" aZrAeL asked suddenly, a smirk appearing on her face.  
  
"Just cause this is restaurant doesn't mean we have food . . ." Amanda answered, as aZrAeL cursed. "And what do you need ham for, when you can use POTATOES!"  
  
"Good Lord . . . how can we not have any food? What have you been giving the customers?"  
  
"Uh . . . water . . . and . . . um . . . straws . . . ah . . . yep."  
  
"Damnit! Well, I'll have to deal with that later because Jerky over there is asking for it!" aZrAeL sighed, looking back at Jericho who was still on the table, scanning the room for the popcorn thrower.  
  
"Asking for what?" Amanda asked, highly confused. "Can I help you? I *am* supposed to be working you know . . ."  
  
"NO! I don't want a moronic idiot to foil my plans." aZrAeL responded firmly.  
  
"What does moronic mean?"  
  
"Argh! Why don't you go back to you're dress wearing boy friend and LEAVE me ALONE!"  
  
"Cool." Amanda replied happily.  
  
"EVERYTHING'S COOL WHEN YOU'RE ROB VAN DAM!" RVD shouted doing the thumb thing, gaining a glare from Molly.  
  
"I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WOOOOOOOOOO! MATTY I MISSED YOU! ARE YOU WATCHING ME DANCE?" Stacy yelled, as Matt winced. "I'M FREE AS A BIRD, FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE . . ." Stacy stopped abruptly when a piece of flying popcorn landed into her open mouth. "I'm . . . choking . . .*cough* . . . *gag* . . . *sputter* . . . Matty . . . help . . . C . . . P . . . R . . . *gag.*" Stacy croaked, as she fell on the table, and then proceeded to fall on the floor.  
  
"Anyways . . . so . . . how's the weather? Is it snowing out?" Matt asked, completely ignoring Stacy.  
  
"Hmmm . . . could be. Maybe we should check . . ." Lita said, attempting to get up, but a hand grabbed her leg.  
  
"Excuse . . . me . . . help . . . please . . . I . . . need . . . *gag* . . . ass . . . I . . . *sputter* . . . mean . . . *choke* . . . assistance." Stacy choked, tugging on Lita's leg.  
  
"Oh alright. Let's help her before Vince suspends our pay . . . or us." Lita sighed, and Matt twitched.  
  
"But I uh gotta go to the bathroom! Ah I gosta gooooo! Ah gosta goooo! Ah ain't foolin' neither!" Matt bluffed, trying to get out of the situation.  
  
"But Mattie . . . ah gotta go too!" Jeff said, jumping up and down, with his legs crossed. "Uh oh . . ."  
  
"Jesus Jeff, not on the plant! Damn . . . too late."  
  
"I don't have to go anymore . . . Matty." Jeff declared zippering up.  
  
"NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT JEFF, PUT IT BACK, PUT IT BACK!"  
  
"Hehe, sowry . . . but I had to go."  
  
"Hello, Legs over there is choking!" Stephanie reminded them, pointing and staring at her in amusement. "Oh look she's turning purple, oh she's turning blue now, ha, that's funny.  
  
"Well it's not like anyone here knows the hymlic maneuver . . ." Big Show grunted, remembering the past events.  
  
"I got an idea . . . it'll either help her, or . . . . Hurt her so she's near death . . ." Lita suggested.  
  
"I'm willing to take the risk." Matt agreed shrugging. Lita nodded with a smile, and then proceeded to kick Stacy in the gut. She continued this action, but Stacy only continued to choke. "OOOO, that looks like mad fun!" Matt quickly ran over and joined Lita with the beating.  
  
"Ow . . . *gag* . . . that's . . . *cough* . . . not . . . *sputter* . . . helping . . .!" Stacy said, now a deep shade of red. She gasped for air. aZrAeL took notice of what was going on, and her mind momentarily moved from torturing Jericho, to torturing Stacy.  
  
"Hey, you can't hurt . . . I mean save a life without me!" aZrAeL yelled, and quickly ran to help 'save' Stacy.  
  
"Feeling any better Stacy?" Lita asked a psychotic look in her eye.  
  
"Actually . . . *gag* . . ."  
  
"Don't worry about it; I'll get that popcorn outta there!" Lita exclaimed, kicking Stacy even harder. "Stupid . . . dumbass . . . popcorn . . . come . . . ouuttttttttttt!" Lita yelled, and with each word she delivered a devastating kick to Stacy.  
  
"That's mah kinda girl." Matt said, giving Lita a smile. Then suddenly with a powerful kick to her ass, the piece of popcorn flew out of Stacy's mouth, leaving her sputtering on the floor.  
  
"You saved me! Thank you soooooooooo much!"  
  
"Aw damn . . . that wasn't supposed to happen." Matt mumbled, under his breath. Lita nodded, clearly disappointed as well. "Well there goes all my excitement for the day, damn it."  
  
"I'LL GIVE YOU EXCITEMENT MATTY!! YOU'RE MY HERO!"  
  
"Help . . ." Matt whimpered.  
  
"Now for that ham . . ." aZrAeL muttered, a scheme forming in her head. All this time Jericho had been still been scanning the room for the culprit. Now realizing that it seemed safe, he began his 'celebration' again.  
  
"Okay Chris you're gonna get this right. I'M THE KING OF THE . . . OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! The . . . the golden . . . scepter . . . not . . . again." Jericho croaked, as he hunched over in pain. A giant ham fell to the ground next to him, and everyone doubled over in laughter.  
  
"HELL YEAH! Bull's eye!" aZrAeL exclaimed, clearly happy with the results of her throw.  
  
"Nice shot." A gruff voice said from behind her.  
  
"Thanks . . . wait a minute you're . . . you're . . ."  
  
"The Deadman? In the flesh. Finally someone gave that little dipshit what he deserved." Undertaker commented, looking down at aZrAeL.  
  
"Thanks, I agree. Pain in my ass, he is."  
  
"Know the feeling. Not to change the subject but where the hell did Kane go anyway?" Taker asked looking around curiously for Kane.  
  
"Dunno."  
  
"Let's pray to God that he didn't get ANYWHERE near the matches . . . or candles . . . or anything flammable of any kind."  
  
"Ohhhhh, look at the flame . . . Purdy. Ouchies that hurt! Hehehe, I wonder what would happen if I . . ." Kane trailed off curiously, letting his actions answer his question. He had been not too far away from aZrAeL and Taker, and luckily they heard him mumbling and quickly dashed over. Unfortunately, they were just a little late. "Oopsy."  
  
"KANE, LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Taker roared, obviously not very pleased with the situation before him.  
  
"Hehehe whoops. It slipped, I swear."  
  
"Is it hot in here, or is it just me? Mmmmm, what's that smell . . . bacon? BACOOOOOOOONNNNN!" Trish yelled happily.  
  
"Uh . . . Trish? You're on fire." Matt said, shocked at the fact that she was so calm.  
  
"I know, I'm sizzlin' ain't I? I feel the burn baby!"  
  
"NO dumbass, he means YOU ARE ON FIRE! AS IN, YOUR HAIR, IS BURNING UP . . . do you not feel the burning sensation between your ears?" Molly roared, it was clear she was sobering but her attitude was staying.  
  
"Oh . . . that. Put it out, PUT . . . IT . . . OUT!!!" Trish screamed her hair ablaze. "SHIT, I'M GONNA DIE! NOOOOOOOOO, MY HAIR! KANE, YOU'RE PAYING FOR MY WIG . . . I'M GONNA NEED ONE! WILL SOMEBODY PUT IT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT?!" Trish wailed, jumping up and down.  
  
"Ooooh, fire. It's bootyful. I want *my* hair to look like that . . . lucky bitch." Amanda said enviously eyeing Trish's smoking hair.  
  
"Stand back, there's a Hurricane coming through!" Hurricane yelled, leaping in front of Trish, and then paused to do a superhero pose. "I'll stop those villainous flames from burning a hole through your slutty head."  
  
"We're all doomed . . ." Stephanie said, still sitting comfortably at her seat, rolling her eyes.  
  
With that Hurricane looked around for something to put out the fire. He noticed Dawn Marie and Edge having a argument over a bottle of hairspray, and sneakily swooped in, snatching the bottle away from them.  
  
"Hey you stupid freak! Gimmie my hairspray back!" Dawn whined, attempting to get it back from the superhero.  
  
"Yeah dude, it was *my* turn to use it!" Edge piped in, rising from his seat.  
  
"No, it wasn't! It's *mine*! You can't use it, I don't share. Plus I have to look good for Mr. McMahon! GIVE IT BACK!" Dawn yelled, but it was no use as Hurricane had slipped away while she and Edge were fighting. "DAMN IT! This is your fault!"  
  
"Uh uh . . . it was yours! That so totally reeked of stinkitude!"  
  
"But now my hair is going to look crappy for Mr. McMahon!"  
  
"Would you please . . . SHUT THE HELL UP?!" Debra yelled, admonishing the two. "Geez, I just got Stevie to sleep, and if he wakes up, you're dead meat." She glanced down at Austin, who was now sleeping like a baby with his head in his *empty* plate, drooling.  
  
"BEEEEEEEEEEER! Me . . . want . . . beer . . . yummy . . . mommy . . . bring . . . me . . . beer." Steve grumbled, stirring a bit in his sleep.  
  
"Beer? Where? Who? Where's the fire? Beer . . . yummy." Molly asked perking up at the sound of beer.  
  
"Fire's over there . . ." RVD said sniffing what must have been his twentieth bottle of whiteout.  
  
"Oh . . . FIREWORKS! PURDY!" Molly exclaimed referring to Trish's head, which had yet to be put out. Just at that second Hurricane ran over to Trish, hairspray in hand.  
  
"HEEELLLLLP!" Trish screeched, flailing her arms about like a deranged chicken.  
  
"Have no fear, Hurricane is here!" Hurricane declared, and with that he began to spray Trish's head with the hairspray.  
  
"Wait . . . what is that shit?" Matt asked, a little concerned.  
  
"Dunno, but it smells nass." Jeff answered, taking a big whiff of the air. "Ohhhhh . . . yum . . . hehehe."  
  
"The Rock wants to know why that freaky shit made that big ball of fire get bigger and bigger . . . . And bigger . . . and closer . . . and closer . . . and closer . . . The Rock is about to piss the People's pants!" The Rock whimpered, noticing the flames on Trish's head increase greatly.  
  
"STOP DROP AND ROLL!" Big Show hollered finally taking interest to what was going on. With that Trish threw herself to the rather dirty floor, and began to roll about.  
  
"I'M ROLLIN', I'M ROLLIN'! IT AIN'T DOIN' SHIT! HEEEEELLLLLLLLLP!" Trish shrieked, continuing to roll and squeal like a pig in mud.  
  
"Huh . . . Trish kinda reminds me of the pet piggy me Grandma had . . . odd resemblance." aZrAeL remarked, smirking.  
  
"I'll save you!" Jeff yelled, as he ran to the kitchen to get some water. He quickly grabbed a HUGE pail and began too fill it. As the water fell into the pail, Jeff could feel his throat go dry. Jeff shrugged it off and began to run with the pail filled with water. About halfway to the table the urge to quench his thirst plagued him yet again. "Maybe if I take a little sip . . ." Jeff said, and began to down the water, still running. Not looking where he was going, Jeff tripped on Jericho (who was still on the ground in pain from the ham aZrAeL threw at him) and the water pail flew out of Jeff's hands and sailed through the air. "Whoopsy."  
  
"Hey Jeff did you get the . . ." Matt began but stopped abruptly as he saw the pail flying through the air, then splashed all over . . .  
  
"WHAT?!" Stone Cold bolted up, waking from his slumber feeling the ice cold liquid running down his spine.  
  
"THE ROCK WANTS TO KNOW WHY YOU SOAKED HIM TO THE B-B-B-BONE! YOU KNOW WHAT JABRONI? THE ROCK IS GONNA TAKE THAT PAIL, SHINE IT UP REAL NICE, TURN IT SIDESWAYS AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOU'RE CANDY ASS, JABROINI!" The Rock yelled, as his teeth chattered.  
  
"YOU'RE A DEADMAN WALKING, HARDY! BIG EVIL'S A COMIN'. . ." Taker roared, shaking the freezing cold water off. It looked like the three, soaked, angry wrestlers were about to kill the next thing they came in contact with.  
  
"I'M BACCCCKKKK! AND BADDER THAN EVA!" A voice yelled from behind them. Austin, Rock and Taker nodded and rose from their seats, still dripping wet.  
  
"HELLO, DID YOU PEOPLE FORGET ABOOT ME? I'M ON FIRE HERE! HEELLLPPP!" Trish yelled from the ground.  
  
"Shhh . . . this should be good." Stephanie said, waving a dismissive hand at Trish.  
  
"I, the GM of RAW think you people have had spent well over 3 minutes in this fic . . . wait a second . . . did I just hear myself say 3 . . ." Eric Bitchoff (hehe, type-po . . . *evil grin*) did not get to finish as the three angry, water drenched wrestlers pounced on him, beating the living hell out of him. "Ow . . . Jamal . . . Rosie . . . MOMMMMMMMY!"  
  
"GO TAKER GO! BEAT THAT SON OF BITCH! MAKE HIM RESPECT YOU!" aZrAeL shouted, highly enjoying the beating.  
  
"OKAY, SOMEONE HELP ME DAMN IT! I'M ON FIRE! DOES THIS NOT MATTER TO YOU PEOPLE?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Trish screamed, near tears.  
  
"Oh you . . . right." Steph said, reluctantly tearing her gaze from Bitchoff 's ass whupping.  
  
"OHHH, I'LL HELP, I'LL HELP!" Stacy shouted, running into the kitchen to fill up yet another pail. "A pail, a pail where would I find a pail? And where would I find some water . . . I wonder." Stacy pondered to herself as she bustled around the kitchen. "Hmmmm, this will do . . . yay, go me!" Stacy exclaimed happily finding a pail filled with a clear substance, and out of joy she began singing, "Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water," Stacy continued to sing (it more or less sounded like she was screaming for bloody murder) as she skipped out to the table. "JACK FELL DOWN AND BROKE HIS CROWN," at that exact moment Stacy tripped over herself making the liquid in the pail go flying into the air and onto Trish's head. But to Y2J's disappointment the pail landed on his . . .  
  
"OWWWWWWW, DAMN IT . . . STACY . . . YOU ASSCLOWN . . . ISN'T IT BAD . . . ENOUGH THAT . . . I'M ON THE . . . FLOOR HOLDING MY . . . CEPTOR WHEN . . . THAT DAMN PAIL . . . HAD TO COME . . . LANDING ONTO . . . ME TOO!" Y2J tried to say through clenched teeth with tears in his eyes.  
  
"And Jill came tumbling after, whoopsy sorry Y2J I couldn't stop. . ."  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M STILL BURNING AHHHHHHHHH PUT ME OUT, PUT ME OUT, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Trish said screaming out in pain.  
  
"I SMELL BEER, WHERE, WHAT, WHO'S GOT THE BEER?" Austin and Molly said simultaneously. They both leapt out of their chair, hell-bent on finding the alcohol. Letting her nose lead the way, Molly found the pail picked it up, taking a big whiff. "BEEEEEEEEEEER, I FOUND THE BEEEEEEEEEER." "WHAT? WHAT? YOU FOUND THE WHAT? GIMME IT BEFORE I START SPAZING OUT AGAIN." Austin yelled back. "NOOOOOOO I FOUND IT FIRST, IT'S ALL MINE." "NO IT'S MINE I NEED IT MORE." As the two started arguing Molly placed the pail down on a table so that they would not knock it over.  
  
"HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLO ARE YOU PEOPLE STUPID OR JUST REALLY SLOW, DO YOU NOT SEE A WOMAN RUNNING AROUND WITH HER HEAD ON FIRE?!" Trish yelled even louder so that everyone in the world could hear her.  
  
"Matty, I'm still really thirsty can you get me a glass of water, pleaseeeee." Jeff said pleadingly. "Jeff go get something to drink yourself, you got legs." Matt said annoyed.  
  
"Did somebody say legs?" Stacy asked.  
  
"Oh god, please take me now." Matt said falling to his knees, shaking his fists in the air. Just then Jeff picked up the bucket of beer and took a big gulp not stopping to breathe. "Jeff, what the hell are you drinking? Oh lord, this can't be good."  
  
"Hiccup . . . Matty . . . try some . . . this is . . . this is . . . tha shit yo." Jeff slurred, swaying from side to side. Matt thought about it for a second, then mentally making a decision.  
  
"I hope it is, cause I'm gonna need it." Matt grabbed the pail and began gulping it down. "Mmmm, hard liquor . . . yummy. Yup, dat's da shit."  
  
  
  
~*~Author's Note's~*~  
  
Heh, sorry we ended it like that . . . it was getting way to long . . . one more chapter of the group date . . . we hope. Well, so far we've produced our best material within the group date, so it can't be the worst thing right? Oh, and aZrAeL, we apologize if we didn't write you the way you would have liked, but we just really wrote the first thing that came to mind. If we offended you or anyone else we're sorry . . . Heh. But it's our fic right? Anywayz, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! We're hoping for like 10 reviews for this chapter, if not it's cool, but we'd really appreciate it.  
  
*Things to Look For In Upcoming Chapters (hopefully):  
  
Will Trish's hair ever be put out?  
  
Will Austin and Molly get their beer?  
  
Will the gang ever get any food?  
  
Can Stacy get any dumber? (answer . . .yes)  
  
Will Matt and Lita hook up?  
  
What's up with Steph and Jericho?  
  
Will Angle ever carry out his plan?  
  
Will Angle and Mr. Fluffums make up?  
  
Why is Dawn in this story? . . . she serves no purpose . . . Will she leave?  
  
Look for appearances in upcoming chapters by the following People:  
  
AngryMew2  
  
Rayne, The Fallen Angel  
  
YamiShiningFriendship  
  
CK  
  
Ashley  
  
aZrAeL (a returning guest in the near future)  
  
Most of these People will be in the next chapter, but it depends on if we can come up with ideas for you. So, don't worry if you're not in Chapter 11, you will be in an upcoming chapter, and all of these people will be crazed fans, or people on the job. You'll all have interaction with the superstars, don't worry. Okay, I think we're just about done here . . . Please read and review, as always. Toodlez! 


End file.
